Monday, July 20, 2009

Forty-Six Months: My Letter to Little Man

Yes, I know. This letter is so late that it's practically time for me to write your 47-month letter. I'm just writing this letter this late to confirm that you are totally in the right about being paranoid and thinking the world is out to get you. Because it is.

If I had to summarize last month (two months ago?) in one word, it'd be drama.

I think you've always had a flair for the dramatics, albeit in a quiet way, but this past month has been a culmination that has resulted in you being convinced that the entire universe is out to sabotage you. You're a klutz, we established this practically in your first monthly letter. But now, you don't consider stubbing your toe against the coffee table an example of your klutziness. Oh no, instead, it's now an obvious attack. "THE COFFEE TABLE HIT ME!", you'll shout at me across the room, as the coffee table glances at me, stunned and shrugs its shoulders to say "dude, I'm a table, I was totally just sitting here, trying to not crumble under the 10,000 pounds of magazines you've yet to read, and really, just throw out that Parenting Magazine from 2007, because YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO READ IT!"

Other inanimate objects that have attacked you include your bed, the toilet lid, many of your toys and I'm sure I'm forgetting many others, since, you know, I'm 18 days late with this letter.

Your dramatic flair has not, however, stopped at blaming inanimate objects. You also like to mutter these exagerative statements under your breath, some of them so absurd that I want to take you on one of the talk shows, because surely they would be the only ones who can sympathize with your plight. Like this one time your father got you breakfast instead of me, because I was giving your brother a bottle. Your father gave you a bowl of cereal, but forgot to give you a glass of milk with it. Any normal human being would have simply stated "hey, you forgot to give me a glass of milk." But not you. Instead, you sat there, the weight of the world on your shoulders and simply muttered "no one ever gets me a glass of milk with my breakfast and I'm going to be thirsty forever."

Other "never" or "always" muttered statements overheard this past month:

- No one ever lets me play with my toys (when asked to clean up because it's bed time)
- No one ever lets me drive (when told to get out of the driver's seat and in yours)
- I always have to go to sleep (yes, we don't put you to bed once a day when it's dark, instead we expect you to stay in your bed for the rest of your life)
- I always have to go to school (dude, you're not even in kindergarten yet. This is going to be a long, long road at this rate.)
- I'm never allowed to play with matches (oh how did you end up with such cruel parents)

Don't get me wrong, this month hasn't been all bad, there was the time when you called me 'Babe', as in "Hey, babe? Can you get me a glass of milk, please?

- What did you say?!?

- I said please!"

Because clearly that was my issue with that statement.

I love you, my Little Man,



Susan said...

Is it weird that I want to kiss his sweet, smooth little armpits? He's so gorgeous.

Karen - Mommy to four sweeties said...

He is SO cute.

Loukia said...

Is he ever cute! And again, beautifully written, and lovely post. :) Always so heartwarming!

the planet of janet said...

hmmm. i feel a song coming on.

you've only just begun ...

just wait till he's actually 4.

Schmoochiepoo said...

He is so cute!

Mine has called me 'babe' too. His defence was "Daddy calls you that why can't I?"

Poltzie said...

Aww, your poor thirsty child! I love these letters, your kids are so lucky!

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy to know that I'm not the only one who never actually READS my Parenting Magazines!!! (Except mine are stacked in the bathroom... cuz if ever there was a good time, I'd likely be there.)

And, excuse me, but who said Little Man could grow into a Little Boy??!!

Haphazardkat said...

What? You don't let him play with matches?
*tosses down a towel and picks up my phone* Thats it! I'm tellin' on you!! :P

Seriously adorable little man!!

Mommies-Miracles said...

Cute letter, very well written and it sounds like there are some adorable moments in your house!

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