Wednesday, April 01, 2009

At Least I Have a Plan In Case of a Lay Off

If there's one thing that's come from this blog, is that I've become the source of obvious tips for clueless parents like myself. Things like don't get out of your car when it's still in drive, when your child is strapped into the back seat.

To most people, this would seem obvious. But I'm thinking if it's not to me, surely there are other parents who would appreciate my wisdom and the things I've learned along the way, right?

And I've got a new chapter for this book now. It'll be called (and don't commit me to this, it's still a work in progress) If You Have Cream-Colored Carpets And a Preschooler Who's Vomitting Every Fifteen Minutes, You Shoudn't Buy the Bright Red Pedialyte.

Because I'm thinking there have got to be other parents who go to the pharmacy, see all the different flavors of Pedialyte and think the non-flavored clear kind? That doesn't sound too tasty! But cherry flavor, yum! That must taste just like a melted snow cone, let's go for that!

Damn me and the fact I think like a five-year old, rather than the 33 year-old woman I am.

Also? When I was in college? I never thought that 15 years later, I'd still be patting someone's back as they're bent in half over a toilet. I'm just saying.

And if I didn't outgrow that, where the hell are the hot 20-year old boys I was making out with then? Because I should at least get the benefits too.

Love,

Catwoman.

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15 comments:

Haphazardkat said...

awww hope your little guy gets better soon!!

Stacy said...

I learned from the purple Pedialyte and my white down comforter.

It's not just you. ;o)

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Fell free to use this in that same chapter....

If your kiddo has just recently eaten Spaghettios and SAYS he has an upset stomach, do NOT pick him up and sooth him while wearing a white shirt.

Trust me.

Hallie

Burgh Baby said...

Add anything containing yogurt to your list of things not to buy when puke is afoot. Red pedialyte may give you the gift of a visual reminder for the rest of your life, but yogurt stuff will give you an olfactory reminder for the rest of your life.

Fortunately, when we traded in the Olfactory Reminder vehicle, the salesperson thought it smelled like strawberries. I didn't tell him it was actually yogurt puke.

Stefanie said...

I could've used your book two days ago when my preschooler puked up bright pink medicine all over our beige couch. Luckily it isn't our new beige couch. I do know enough to not buy any new furniture for at least the next three years. Better make that five.

musing said...

Oh, my. I remember those days when we'd cover the carpet with towels in hopes of keeping it vomit free but then the little tyke would find that one unprotected spot...

Loukia said...

You're so cute... I love your posts, Catwoman! Hurry to Canada for a visit! And I hear you... about the bright coloured stuff. I'm currently giving my 1 year old bright pink antibiiotics for ran ear infection and it gets everywhere... so annoying!

Also? I am the absolute worst at picking up vomit. I always get my husband to do it.

Susan said...

I'm dying laughing here. Not at your pain but at the way you write about it. I never anticipated that I would ever pick up another human being and smell their butt. Wonder what else life holds for me...

Ms. Porter said...

Oh I feel your pain, RED Pedialyte??? eeeek. PS-Purple is equally bad on white linens.

the planet of janet said...

i am now thanking my lucky stars that pedialyte didn't come in all these fun colors when my kids were babies (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth).

however, i WILL tell you that when your kids get to be adult-like and you STILL are cleaning up vomit -- except for it's adult-like vomit -- you will wish you were back in the red pedialyte stage.

just sayin' ...

Christine said...

I'm with you! The compensation for soothing someone while they puke should definitely be making out with a cute guy later on. You know, after my gag reflex has ceased.

Trannyhead said...

Dye-free Motrin.

*ahem*

That is all.

Heidi said...

I am thinking that the Pedialyte is one of those things you learn from experience not necessarily knowledge, but then again that's just me. So big thanks for the tip!

squishytushy said...

Thank you. Cuz really? I would have totally bought the Cherry Pedialyte.

A's Mom said...

Thanks for the tip. Never would have thought about the Pedialyte color either.