Thursday, March 19, 2009

A Bright Future as a Dallas Meteorologist

When I first moved to Dallas, one thing that amazed me was the self-importance of the weather people. In Canada, the weather person is on for maybe two minutes and says "hey, it's going to be cold in Toronto today, tomorrow and for the next six months. Also, it's probably going to snow." The end.

But in Dallas? The weather guys and gals get two segments per half hour newscasts, and not only that, but they go into excruciating details, telling you what the current temperature is in every suburb so that it sounds like this "In Dallas, it's currently 78, in Addison 79, in Plano it's a balmy 80, but ooh, look! In Allen it's a cool 77."

Really? Is this necessary? Is the fact that it's one degree cooler where I live going to impact my whole day, like damn it, I was going to wear a sun dress, but I'm not going to actually BE in Plano where it's 80, so I better wear a parka instead.

And Little Man must have decided that he must report things obsessively too, just in case the national weather people's association is keeping tabs on him. Like this morning, when he went to use the bathroom and called me in because he'd pooped and needed my wiping services (not available to anyone I haven't birthed, I should add). I walked over and made the mistake of asking if he'd pooped.

"Yes. I pooped two times. One is big, one is small. Also, I peed. Not a lot, but enough and now the water's yellow. Also, I tooted. Twice. That's two times. You can't see my toots though, but they're in there."

He then proceeded to remind me to take my parka if I was going to head to Allen.

Love,

Catwoman.

10 comments:

Susan said...

I'm never going to watch another Arkansas weathercast with Doppler, Viper, very special satellites and shit that no other station has without picturing the green yet silent toots rising from the broadcaster's ass. You're hysterical. Thank you.

Kat said...

HAHAHA!!! I love that! That is so hilarious. My boys always love reporting their poops to me too. And I get detailed descriptions of it. Lovely. Silly boys. ;)

Nina Diane said...

damn.....I always make the mistake of reading your blog while at work....then bust out laughing, then everyone around me thinks they are going to get a funny email soon.......and it just ain't happening!

Burgh Baby said...

You are a comic genius.

Morgan said...

That's hilarious.

Loukia said...

Seriously? That's so freaking cute! Ahhh... this is the best age! I say that at every age but still... this is the best age! He's adorable! Haha...

FYI, the weather in Ottawa today is currently minus 13 degrees celsius, and sunny. We're expecting a high of 5 today, and this weekend looks good - highs of 8! And sunny! Hoorah! (We had a rough winter).

Haphazardkat said...

I swear I can't wait to see what hes like when hes grown!!
freakin hilarious!!!

Emma in Canada said...

In Alberta, where winter lasts for 6 months and summer for 2, the weather man is on at the very beginning, before every commercial break, the middle and the end. And on twitter? He rules the roost. Almost all of CTV's twitters come from him.

I get great descriptions of Saoirse's poops too. And sometimes she will bring me the paper that she was reading at the time to discuss a picture. She is so her father's daughter.

roztime said...

awesome. all i get is the cbc news person telling me what the temperature is at this moment 100km away, which is no help at all really. :O

Loukia said...

Are you on Twitter yet? ;)