Thursday, December 18, 2008

As Hell Breaks Loose Around Me

So yeah, I've been missing.

I suck, don't I?

But as I write this, my parents and sister are less than 30 hours away from landing.

And can I get a holy crap, I'm so screwed. Because I thought they were arriving Saturday. And I really, really needed that extra day.

Do you have any idea how much there is left to do around here? Peeps, please send paper bag muy pronto. Because seriously hyper-ventilating here. On a positive note? I'm now two pounds away from my starting weight for my pregnancy with Tiny Man. Can I get a you rock, breastfeeding?

Let's ignore the fact that it still means I'm 30 pounds overweight. One mountain at a time, people. By my calculations, if I breastfeed for the next 8 years, I should be back to my ideal weight then. How many times a day will a third-grade teacher allow you to show up with a sippy cup of breastmilk for your child? And would even the La Leche hemp-wearing weirdos be freaked out then? Surely, even they must want to be thin?

So here's what I've done this week:

- Had hardwoods installed in dining room.
- Had carpets steam cleaned.
- Cleaned out fridge (why is it that this is one job that you can't hire someone for? Seriously, I would have paid a thousand dollars to not have to discover what I discovered in the way, way back of our fridge. I think I might have thrown some crime scene evidence, or something, because whatever that thing was in that tupperware, it was awful funky and seriously decomposed.)
- Spent money I don't have.
- Taken care of three sick men, including one who's just now 8 weeks old, all while having a head cold that felt like the Incredible Hulk was using my head as a stress relief toy. (Note: the fantastic breastfeeding that has caused me to be only overweight compared to my previous really overweight meant that I was only allowed to take Tylenol for relief. Oh Nyquil, how I miss thou)
- Labeled the fridge in a belated fit of nesting. No, seriously, I did. I need to post pictures of this.

See? I ain't lying. Who the freak does this???

All the people who know me in real life are right now thinking that the head cold must have fried my brain, because that? Is so unlike me. I blame stupid Oprah and her stupid decluttering episode. Damn you Oprah! Why does this paragraph feel like I've said something really blasphemous? (Oprah, I take it back. I think you are the Queen of the World. Please don't have me killed).

So I will go back to doing the 50,000 things left to do on my list, including wrapping 1,500 Christmas gifts, gah!!!!

On a positive note? Tiny Many slept from 10:15 until 4:15 this morning. And only woke up screaming because Sweetie Pie had a coughing fit that scared the shit out of him. Note to self: Have Sweetie Pie killed for preventing Tiny Man from potentially sleeping through the night for the first time.

I will be drafting another post right now with Little Manisms that will post tomorrow. That is my Christmas gift to you. I will try to post at some point next week, but with 11 people total in the house, I'm thinking I'll be too busy getting drunk to survive.




the planet of janet said...

wait. who are you again??? said...

Knute told me today that he and Little Man needed space suits for their space walk. I'm wondering what it is they do when we aren't looking....

Also? HAVE FUN WITH ALL THE FAMILY!!! (heeheheh) And, hot damn, who are you & what did you do with Catwoman. Catwoman does not LABEL.

Kat said...

Hahaha! Those labels are HILARIOUS! Seriously. Hahaha!!!
Damn Oprah and all her brainwashing ways.

Good luck with the family, and I hope the babes makes a habit of those nice long sleeps at night. :)

Emma in Canada said...

Good luck with the family! I will be thinking of you in my extended family free home. But if I had new hardwood I would totally have people over.

Ms. Porter said...

when did oprah do a decluttering show? must watch it!
try not to fret...oh heck, i would totally be fretting too! are you excited or what??
oh and good for you on the weight loss!!!!! i found that i lost weight again once i stopped nursing so perhaps there is more easy weight to come off...except i've seen pics of you and you don't need to lose weight...crazy girl!

justmylife said...

I could label my fridge and things still would be put in the wrong place, my family just does it to drive me crazy! Have fun with the family. heh! (I would have to be drunk to tell my family they could come and stay drunk to keep from losing my mind.)

Rachel said...

Well, good luck with all the family in town! I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and there aren't too many injuries. :)

And, the fridge? Tha hell??

Kellie said...

Dude. Seriously. You and I need to live near one another. I labeled my fridge AND my cabinets!!

Yes. I know. I'm sick.

As for the family...want me to FedEx you some extra booze?

squishytushy said...

My husband would totally leave me for you... and not just cuz I don't put out. Anymore.

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

I know I'm late... I"m sure you're about 20 degrees beyond crazy by now. But I wanted to tell you that I was thinking of you this past week. My daughter's class is studying Canada in class, and they had a "canadian Christmas party". We had Bouillies (Spelling? - meatballs with white sauce) and "anything with maple" (I made maple-leaf shaped cookies with maple frosting), mincemeat pies, and I tried to get chicken bones candy but I couldn't find them around here. Also, I made some "barley Candy" - which was just regular hard candy. Is this really a traditional Canadian Christmas? It was interesting, anyway!

alperen said...


CPA Mom said...

this entire post made me laugh out loud. I really needed that. Thanks!

Merry Christmas!!

Oprah, if you are reading this, I think you ROCK and would never blasphemy you in the manner.


eda said...