Friday, December 05, 2008

And It's Only the Beginning

When you make the decision to have kids, there are many things to think about. Like are you going to be the kind of parent who sends your kids down to the corner store to buy you beer and cigarettes. Because they look down upon that sort of thing nowadays, those judgemental bastards.

The most important thing to think about though is that someday, you'll be expected to discuss certain things with your kids like sex. When you have these conversations, you'll be expected to be the adult in those conversations. I know, right? It's like what the hell?

I admit that this is not something I thought about before I put out without any protection. I guess I didn't have someone wise to warn me, the way you guys do with me. You can thank me by sending me massive piles of money so that I may raise goats and make goat cheese just for fun.

Little Man has been recently paying attention to things related to his body. Like he's noticed that when he gets out of the tub, his fingers get all pruny, which made him curious, so I explained to him that his fingers just absorbed some water, and that they'd be back to normal once they were dry.

Yesterday, Little Man was peeing, and he does it sitting down, something that I hope he does forever, because I'm not interested in living in a house full of men who miss the seat and leave it up. They will be trained.

Little Man suddenly looked disturbed. "Mama? What's that behind my penis? Is that poop hanging down?" I begin to giggle nervously. "Uhm no. That would be your scrotum." "My scrotum?" I giggle again. "Yes. Uhm, it holds your testicles." "Oh. Is that where I keep my toots?" And cue me laughing hysterically.

Later, this whole testicles deal was still clearly on Little Man's mind, because he asked me "Is my scrotum all wrinkled because there's water in it?"

When it's time for "the talk," I'm totally outsourcing it, because seriously? I'm not cut out for the parenting stuff that requires me not giggling like a 12-year old boy.

Love,

Catwoman.

15 comments:

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

So funnuy!

Yes, there are some things that even a catwoman should allow someone else to do.

NOt that you couldn't handle it! YOu totally could! But a male perspective would be... prudent.

karen cupcake said...

heheheh! Read that out loud to my husband this morning, we are both giggling like 12 year old boys!

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

And you totally did it. I wasn't sure if you would. But, I should NEVER doubt your dedication. Poor LM is going to DIE when he reads that at 18.

the planet of janet said...

bwahahahahahaha...

definitely outsource, kiddo. you just DON'T want to go there...

Trannyhead said...

OMG - I love that he thought it was shriveled because there was too much water and that farts are stored in there.

Maybe that IS why it's wrinkled and maybe there really ARE farts stored in there. I mean - it's not like any of us have really investigated that carefully, right?

Aunt Debbi/kurts mom said...

Funnnny. Mine asked me if the cat had mated with stray. I say, "yes, Do you know what mating mean?" He says, "get married." I think, "Only in a perfect world."

A's Mom said...

You almost made me blow my chai tea out my nose with just the first sentence.

You have a hilarious way of telling stories.

Burgh Baby said...

That really may just explain why men are such prolific farters while women are a bit more subdued. Just sayin'.

Jodie said...

Oh, that is just too great. I wonder how long I could get away with letting the little one believe that's where his tootsies are...

Eternal Sunshine said...

I kinda like his theory that farts are stored in there. It would explain SO much.

I think outsourcing is an excellent idea - or the old standby "Go ask your father"

And I thought the discussion I had with mine about religion was tough. You win.

Ms. Porter said...

I LOVE IT! Kids and their questions. At least he was asking you at home. Today Bug pooped in a public washroom and in her for some reason really loud voice asks me 'mama did i eat beans yesterday because there are beans in my poop!' omg.

CPA Mom said...

at least you don't have a girl who points at her brother's penis and asks when she is getting hers.

squishytushy said...

So I should be happy that Michael keeps his 'forts' in his tummy, huh?

alperenl said...

thnks

alperen said...

thnks