Thursday, November 06, 2008

Snippets of Funny

In Canada, when someone has a baby and is on leave, we call it maternity leave. Here, in the US, it's also called maternity leave, but you're paid through Short Term Disability. This makes me laugh, because seriously? I'm now considered disabled because I have a child? I guess I am disabled when it comes to drinking, since I have to time glasses of wine just right so that I don't have to pump and dump, since I'm only producing enough breast milk that Tiny Man only gets six to eight ounces of formula a day, this stuff's like gold, and I'm not willing to waste a drop, thank you very much.

Anyway, my short term disability provider feels the need to mail me letters every few days to let me know that they will be paying me. Which is nice. I like getting mail, especially mail that promises me money to sit at home and snuggle with Tiny Man.

What I do have an issue with is that every single on of those letters reads the following:

"Dear Catwoman,

Re: Your STD status"

So now, not only am I disabled, but a pregnancy is also considered to be an STD? I can kind of see their logic here, since after all, Sweetie Pie did cause this and there was nookie involved in the conception of Tiny Man, I ain't going to lie to you. But Tiny Man is way cuter than a herpes outbreak, thank you very much.

-----------------------------------

And now I leave you with a Little Man funny.

Catwoman to Sweetie Pie: "When I was little, I never dreamed that I'd grow up to do PR for something so unexciting, and yet I love it and I miss it.

Little Man: "When I grow up, I want to be a tractor."

Love,

Catwoman.

18 comments:

Sandi said...

When I grow up, I want to be an eagle. I have always thought Short Term for maternity leave was odd. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

Slick said...

Well, now that you put it that way, the logic of it does kind of make sense...

In a weird way.

Just as long as Little Man doesn't ask for a quart of oil to go into his cereal, you'll be fine...

Julie said...

a tractor - too friggin' funny.

Rachel said...

Hey, there's always a market for tractors. He will never be out of a job.

Also, I hear antibiotics will clear that right up.

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

Read my response to your STD on Plurk. You also need to respond about time tomorrow. And, from here on out? I'm calling LM John Deere

justmylife said...

I laughed at STD on Plurk and I am still laughing over here.

A tractor, I hear that pays well! heh!!

Kat said...

Hehehe. My Tommy wants to be a bear. :)

David said...

Golly, sorry to hear about your STD woes...

:::snicker::::

:::giggle::::

::::guffaw::::

Burgh Baby said...

I never collected short term disability when I was on maternity leave, which I thinks mean you are way more of a cripple than me. It must be the herpes.

Bren said...

Hey, I never got STD when I gave birth. Once my days ran out, I was docked. Seriously, that sucked.

He wants to be a tractor, huh? He is SO stinkin' cute!

Susan said...

I love that kid, er, machine.

Emma in Canada said...

So here's my question...if once you go back to work you injure yourself and need short term disability would you be able to get it? Or have you used up your disability $$?

You miss work? Really? I really need to find a job I like I guess because I dread going in just for my 2 piddly days a week.

susan said...

lol. Who knew you'd be a mama to a tractor and an std?
(saw your plurk - I feel your pain on the investment front...wah)

Trannyhead said...

Crabs? Tractors? Herpes?

All hawtness right there.

Rachel said...

Bwahahahahha

I always thought it was funny that just because I was pregnant I qualified for a handicap parking tag, isn't that twisted?

STD... that's too funny. Pump and Dump is the way of life baby :-)

Okay.. my word ver is uperes... which makes me thing of herpes, which makes me think of std's.... i'm just sayin'

A's Mom said...

Oh my gosh, I think I just shot water out my nose. Are you serious?? STD??

And Little Man is too cute. I think my Little Man A wants to be a big truck when he grows up.

:)

That Chick Over There said...

I want to be Spiderman when I grow up.

sesi said...

thnks