Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Guilty Conscience

So I have it really good at work. I've said that before. I'm extremely lucky and blessed, where I have had the same job for two years now and I'm still happy and content there. I'm loved and appreciated to the point of ridiculousness. Hell, when my admin threw me a baby shower last month, more than 80 people were invited and more than 50 of them showed up or sent gifts, to the point that it was completely overwhelming and I got to go on the shopping spree of my life, with more than 600 dollars worth of gift cards.

Although my job isn't the most exciting in the world, I'm respected, my opinion matters and people respect me and think I'm nifty. I also get to show up late and leave early without being questioned, I can work from home with a sick child without anyone batting an eye lash and I can come and go completely unmonitored and I'm not micromanaged in any way, which is the best way to keep me happy. I'm also well paid and I have good benefits.

There was some instability earlier this year, and there actually still is, but my job is safe, my new responsibilities for when I come back in January have already been determined, so really, all's good.

Out of curiosity, I look at job postings once in a while, more to reassure myself that there are still other jobs out there should something happen to mine, but I haven't considered applying to a single one of them in a very long time.

On Monday, I opened my email and found a message there from a Web site that's like Facebook, but for professionals. The message was from someone I didn't know, who somehow found my profile and his company, one that I've been interested in previously and applied to on at least two occasions during the past 9 years has an opening that he thinks would be a good fit for my experience.

I'm a slut. If you tell me I'm hot and perfect, I will smile at you and talk with you.

So I emailed him back. Told him I'd be interested in talking. Because there's no harm in talking, right?

We played phone tag all of Monday. Yesterday, I went to the office to introduce Tiny Man to everyone. Almost 100 people showed up. I was five minutes late and there was a group of people waiting in front of the door impatiently. I was hugged so many times, I couldn't tell you how many hugs I received. I was asked repeatedly when I'm coming back, because apparently I'm very missed. I was reminded of how much I'm loved and how lucky I am to work in an environment where I'm surrounded by such awesome people.

This morning, my phone rang again, and it was the other company. The HR man scheduled a phone interview for me for Friday. And he asked me if I was interested in the position.

I said yes.

And my heart broke. Because I am intereted. And yet, I'm not. I'm married to my current company. I'm happy. Why would I even look at another company? Why would I betray them like this? For more money? For a better title? Is it really worth it?

Sweetie Pie has already made it clear that he doesn't even want me pursuing this. He says I've got it way too good where I am and that we don't need the extra money. That my happiness is more important than any dollar figure. Part of me agrees with him.

And yet, part of me thinks "sexier company!"

And that part of me thinks "we're only talking! Nothing will come of it."

But the truth is? That my batting average in interviews is extremely high. It's homerun derby high. Actually, it's higher than that. There are many things I can't do well. I can't sing. I can't dance. But in interviews? I can sing and dance and blow the socks off anyone. I'm charming, I'm sharp, I'm smart. In interviews, I shine, I always have. Part of it is that I taught interview skills to other students in college.

So what happens if I do well?

What happens if I land the job?

I've got two months left of maternity leave. I don't intend to work before January 15th. My priority right now is Tiny Man (says the woman who just rocked him back to sleep in his infant carrier so that I could finish this post in peace. Where's my mother of the year award?) and whatever happens, this new job would have to wait for me, that's non-negotiable.

Also non-negotiable? The insane amount of money I will demand. And the flexible schedule I will demand. And the work from home at least two days a week I will demand.

Maybe if I play my cards right, I will manage to scare them away and then I can go back to my perfect job in January without a doubt in the world that I'm doing the right thing.

So why do I feel so freaking guilty?




Anonymous said...

I totally get this. I love my current workplace, office environment, boss - it's all good. I just this morning pressed send to apply for a job just like mine, except a lot closer to home (less commute always good) for $20K more a year. I feel like I am betraying them, but I feel like I have to apply for the other one.

Kat said...

Well. I say stick with your current company. It sounds like a dream come true. I really can't imagine a job being better than that.
But that is just me. I am HYPER cautious about this kind of thing.
I hope you find peace in the situation. :)

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Demand the potential new employer buy HALLIE A PRADA BAG. That should ensure they don't offer you the job!


Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

Ruh roh. Are you sure this is a wise move? Even if it's what you've always wanted, is it what you need now?

Morgan said...

Eeeek. I don't know what to say really, so I'm just going to say do what your gut tells you.

Nina Diane said...

the grass is not greener.....stay where you are

Julie said...

I don't think you can do any harm by investigating the new job. In this era of uncertainity and layoffs I think one could argue it might even been irresponsible for you to not investigate it. (Ok maybe that was harsh but I'm trying to help you justify it for your sanity!)

Burgh Baby said...

Been there, done that, and it is precisely how I learned that the "good" job I had was nothing to the GREAT job I now have. It can't hurt to talk, really! Especially since you are very clear that it will take a hella lot to lure you anywhere.

Rachel said...

I agree, it can't hurt to talk. If they are willing to give you what you ask with more pay, better benefits, then you have some serious decisions to make.

I know how you are feeling, I am currently updating my resume myself.

Haphazardkat said...

Never close a door that you haven't at least peeked outside the doorframe on.

Its good and healthy that you are still thinking of moving forward.

Doesnt mean you have to take it...but it is healthy.

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Just remember to consider all the peripheral things: vacation leave, commute to work (amount of traffic and time required), dress code at work, new co-workers, new boss, etc. You are smart, you'll figure it out.

But, if nothing else, could you use this interview as leverage to (possibly) ask for more money at your present job? Is that unethical? i am not in the workforce so I don't know.

pam said...

I'm with Sweetie Pie on this one. Do you realize how lucky you are to have a job that you're happy with, and feel loved there? I'll be most of the working population can't say that.

New company may offer you the moon, but you can't put a price on happiness and fulfillment.

Emma in Canada said...

Oh, lots to think about! I'm no help at all!

Bren said...

I don't envy that decision. The grass isn't always greener. Make sure before you take the step!

Ms. Porter said...

I'm so far behind in my blog reading, sorry for coming in so late...I bet you already made your decision and had the phone interview! BUT...I really think that there is no harm in talking. I think you should talk so you never have regrets. I completely agree with your hubs that money isn't the most important factor, but you listed others and I think that it's always good to know what's out there. Good luck.

CPA Mom said...

Go to the interview, see what they would offer. then make a pro-con list for staying or leaving.

I'm in the EXACT same boat.

Except I have no other job to look at and I'm extremely unhappy at my current job.

Other than that, exactly the same.

Maybe I need to move to Texas.