Thursday, November 20, 2008

A Christmas Miracle

Little Man might as well have been the inventor of the Stranger Danger concept. There is only one thing that Little Man hates more than strangers, and that's being told he's doing something wrong.

For three years now, I have been unable to get the traditional Santa pictures. I got Easter Bunny pictures when Little Man was six months old and too young to know any better. Then I got one more when Little Man was 18 months old. The 18-month picture shows a red faced Little Man screaming his head off. I figured that there was no point in me spending 25 dollars to get pictures of my child screaming. I can get those at home for free just by telling Little Man that Little Einsteins died in horrific crash aboard Rocket.

This year, I was planning on skipping the Santa pictures again. I figured by the time Little Man was nine years old, he'd get over his fear of the bearded man and really, is it the end of the world for us not to have any Santa pictures? Surely Little Man will be in therapy for other reasons, like that time his mother posted a picture of him with a breast pump.

As Christmas approaches, we've been talking about the holiday and its significance. Not the Baby Jesus part, because that would mean we're good parents, and why should we start down that path now? (Note: In all seriousness, all things religious are Sweetie Pie's department. He's the Baptist who went to church and church camp and Sunday school. I'm the heathen in the relationship, my area of expertise is underage drinking and fart jokes.) So I've talked to Little Man about Christmas trees and lights and presents and Santa Claus.

The other day, I was running through a store with the two boys in tow when Little Man saw something that sang to him and made his toddler brain explode. And he, who hardly ever asks for anything begged me for it. The last time this happened, he wanted an Aqua Globe. Why a three-year old needs a glass tube that waters plants, when I killed our last houseplant almost a year ago is beyond me. But the kid would not stop asking for it and would remind me as such every time one of those annoying commercials would be on TV. This time, however, the object of his desire was more appropriate, albeit totally unnecessary. It was a Little Einstein bath toy, as seen here.

I told Little Man that if he wanted, he'd have to ask Santa for it. Little Man looked at me confused. I explained to him again that Santa brings gifts to good boys and girls, but that he has to go sit on Santa's lap and ask for it. Little Man didn't seem to like that idea very much.

Yesterday, on our way to the mall for family pictures, Little Man reminded me again that he really wanted that Little Einstein toy. I told him again that he needed to ask Santa for it.

LM: "You ask Santa for it for me, Mama.

Me: Sorry little dude, I can't do that. Santa only takes requests from children directly, not from their Mamas.

LM: But I don't want to sit on Santa's lap. I'm going to stand and tell him.

Me: Well, you need to sit on Santa's lap to tell him, because it's like you're telling him a secret.

LM: How about I sit in my chair and Santa sits in his chair?

Me: (laughing)

LM: It's not funny.

Me: Well, what if there's only one chair? Then you're going to have to sit on Santa's lap.

LM: Then Santa's going to stand and I'm going to sit in the chair."

Right then.

We get to the mall and happened to walk in where mall Santa was. I hadn't planned on this, but since we walked by, I pointed SAnta out for Little Man. Santa waved and Little Man began whispering under his breath "I want the Little Einstein toy, Santa."

I told Little Man that Santa was hard of hearing and asked him if he wanted to go talk to Santa. I really expected to be told that no toy was worth speaking to the scary man.

But Little Man got out of the Sit N' Stand stroller and walked over. He stood in front of Santa and said "Hi Santa, I want the Little Einstein toy."

Just like that.

I then scrambled to get a sleeping Tiny Man out of the stroller, Santa convinced Little Man to climb in his lap and here you go.

Santa's elves and I tried to coax a smile out of Little Man, but his face clearly says "don't freaking push your luck, morons, I'm doing this for the greater good of humanity a toy."

So I got a Santa pick. Neither kid is wearing what I'd want them to wear for a Santa pic, but I had a tiny window and I smashed through it like I was in some Jean-Claude Van Damne movie.

This morning, I ordered the Little Einstein toy. Because I know better than to mess with my Little Man. If Santa were to not bring him that toy, next Christmas, Santa would find himself with a sharp kick to the shins from one pissed off shy boy.




Wonderful World of Weiners said...

People can say otherwise, but I think the very BEST mall Santa pics are the ones where the kiddos don't look prefectly posed. Or necessarily all that thrilled.

I think this pic is awesome. Little Man looks like he's going to bolt any minute!!


AndreAnna said...

That is one of the best Santas I've ever seen!

And god, I love scrunchy little babies.

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

He did it! Yay buddy. Your mom was just telling me you wouldn't. It's amazing: the power of the toy!

the planet of janet said...

wow, you totally rocked that one!

great photo -- one that will mean more than any prepped and posed shot that you will get later.

T with Honey said...

I think it is so amazing how excited we get over convincing our kids to sit on a perfect strangers lap and fall for our lies about imaginary fantasy characters. No wonder kids don't trust a word their parents say once they become tweens.

Of course I do it too. There's something magical about a kid believing in Santa. And doesn't it count that there really is a person that secretly buys toys and leaves them under the tree for good boys and girls? Just because it is me instead of a magical fat guy in a red suit shouldn't matter, right?

A Spot of T said...

That is unbelievably priceless. Way to go Little Man!! Such a brave guy you are. And that Santa is probably the best looking Santa I've ever seen. He looks so perfect and very photogenic.

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

That is so funny and quite a story. I have one pic of my 3 kids, with my obedient 3-y-o daughter on Santa's lap, my infant son also on the lap, and my 18-monh-old son screaming and running toward the camera. THAT ONE i'm saving to show his prom date.

Texan Mama

susan said...

yay! Look at your boys!!!! *love*
and look at that Santa's hair....think he had it in curlers?

K said...

Wow good photo, poor little man, im glad santa is going to listen to him! :)


Karen Cupcake said...

Come on.. please come visit me!!! I have the funnest little studio in texas!! ;o)
And .. I can totally relate to the santa pics.. AND the easter bunny... hehehe.. I tried to get my daughter up there after SHE turned 15 months.. Its the most hysterical photo I have of her!

So for 3 years I did various tricks to get her to sit with santa.. even BREAKFAST with santa when she was 3 years old.. Nope. No way mama!!

She just came home the other day from dinner with her dad (Wednesdays is divorced daddy dinner day) and proudly displayed to me a photo taken at BASS PRO SHOP WITH DEAD STUFFED REINDEER in the background... gag! Where she is sitting on SANTAS LAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She is nearly 14 years old.. BTW.
The brat.
But in all seriousness.. please come see me for pictures.. I would totally enjoy meeting a fellow blogger and would totally love photographing your tiny men!

Susan said...

I am SO proud of Little Man! Don't you just love it when you see them face and conquer their fears? I'm rather impressed with the way his momma handled the whole situation, too. Precious pic.

Burgh Baby said...

This is one of the insanely freakish posts where I'm reminded we're raising the exact same child, except yours has a penis.

"That's not funny?" Check. 50 times per day.

Only thing worse than a stranger is being bad? Check. 50 times per day.

Alexis hasn't found her stranger-worthy toy yet, but it's coming. I'm sure of it.

Rachel said...

I'm glad that Little Man found a toy that was worth sitting on Santa's lap for! That pic is so cute, especially sleeping Tiny Man!

But, WTF is Santa wearing? Was he on his damn break and LM just happened to decide to take a pic? Santa DOES NOT wear a shirt with effin teddy bears on it! Where is his jacket and hat?

Just sayin.

Anonymous said...

Morgan will be 3 in January and we've never done Santa shots. Or Easter Bunny. We'll try this year. After Mama's hit the tequila. I can't handle a scene like that totally sober.


Emma in Canada said...

I'm with Rachel on Santa's shirt. And I'll throw the socks in there too.

But...I think the story behind the photo will make it a great Christmas memory. And a fanfreakingtastic scrapbook page!

Bren said...

Ha! I just love Santa pics. My little guy still wants no part of Santa's lap so Little Man is doing great.

A's Mom said...

What a great Santa picture! And you didn't have to wait 9 years to get it.

CPA Mom said...

that's a great santa! I love that hair!!


alperen said...