Thursday, October 02, 2008

Thirty-Seven Months: My Letter to Little Man

Even though this monthly letter isn't on an official birthday, it feels very momentous to me, simply because this is the last time I'm doing this when you are still an only child.



By the time you reach 38 months, your baby brother will be here. And associated with that comes a flurry of emotions for me, including excitement, of course, because it will be so great for you to have a buddy. But then I feel like I am betraying you, I worry you will think that you weren't enough for us and that we wanted another baby. The guilt I feel is tremendous, even though I know that in the end, your brother will be a blessing for all of us.

This month, you began a baseball class on the weekends, and this is the first time I've been able to watch you in a class setting. I thought it would take you a few classes to warm up to the coach and the other kids in the class, but you took to it like a fish to water. I sat on the sidelines and watched you and my heart practically burst during the entire 45 minutes.



You've definitely inherited my eager-beaver attitude. Your coach barely had a chance to introduce herself, that you jumped out of your skin and yelled at her "I'M LITTLE MAN OURLASTNAME!" Whenever she'd ask the group a question, you'd practically jump into her arms and yell your response. I laughed harder during that class than I had all week and as excited as you are about going back next week, no one is as excited as I am, because once again, I'll get to watch you do what you do when I'm usually not around. And it's like discovering this whole other side of you. And I can't think of anything cooler than seeing new facets of this little human being I know better than just about anyone else, this little human that I helped create.



I went on a business trip for five days last week, which has never been an issue in the past, but for some reason, you took my leaving extremely hard this time. Your school called me on my second day, when I was in a hotel room half-way across the country to tell me they thought you were sick, because you'd been asking for me and sobbing all day.

My heart broke and the little fun the trip involved was completely sucked out right there and then. I asked your principal to put you on the phone and I talked to you for a while, telling you that I would be coming back soon and that I needed you to be brave and that I wanted you to have fun while I was gone, my words only punctuated by your sobs and sniffles. After I hung up with you, I cried so hard. And once again, I worried about your brother's pending arrival and the fact that I would be turning your entire world upside down. I'm going to be telling you this many times for many weeks, months or years to come. I love you. You'll always be my favorite first-born. You're my big boy, my rock, my fashion adviser and my huggable monkey.



You're my sweet, sweet boy, the one who laughs with me when the dog does something stupid. The one who gets the hiccups because he laughs too hard when the dog does something stupid.

My love for you won't change in 19 days. Just like my love for you won't change in 19 years.



I love you. You represent the best parts of me. You amaze me every single day. Even when you won't sleep through the night, I love waking up to you sleeping next to me. Your little face so peaceful, your soft breathing the only sound in the room, it's the most peaceful feeling in the world.

And no one, not even your brother can ever take that away.

I love you, my Little Man,

Maman.

16 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Yesterday you make me laugh my ass off with the lesbian shirt...

Today you make me cry like a baby...

CUT IT OUT!!

(This is a great letter)

Hallie

AndreAnna said...

I tell Charlotte all the time "Momma loved you first."

the planet of janet said...

tell him, maman.

you tell him.

monsters' momma said...

*sob* so wonderful & sweet!

holy moly woman - I've got to get your pump back to you - I can't believe your due date is so soon!!

*hug* *hug* *hug* I'm so excited for you!!

I love exclamation points as usual!!

Karen - Mommy to four sweeties said...

That made me cry, too sweet.

Rachel said...

You would think that by now I would know not to read these letters while I am at work.

I love this one. It is so sweet.

Burgh Baby said...

I should be saying something to match your sweet and wonderful prose, but that last photo killed me. Um, upside down? At first glance? That didn't look like an elephant's trunk. Let's just say I was very confused for a minute there. Ahem.

Kellie said...

What a great letter :) Love the last shot of him!!

Susan said...

Gee, thanks for the unexpected cry! Just to get you back: if you weren't such an Eager Beaver, you might not be in this position...

Bren said...

*sniff* That is one beautifully written letter. So obviously from the heart.

And the last shot? Gorgeous! Love the lighting!

David said...

Will you just hurry up and HAVE the baby?!?!?

Emma in Canada said...

Have to say I agree with David. Where is Tiny Man already??? I think this is officially the longest blog pregnancy EVER.

I think 3 is a great age to bring a sibling into the picture. He's had you to himself for 3 years, he's probably more than ready to share you! And at 3 he is at a great age to be a fantastic big brother. I can't wait to see the first picture of him holding Tiny Man!

Haphazardkat said...

I know the heart ache that comes from hearing ones sons sad voice over the phone line telling you he misses you.
Nothing zero's in and squeezes my soul dry like those words.

Kellie said...

Where are you?!

Rachel said...

You are on maternity leave, so blog already!!

Marmarbug said...

I love your letters to Little Man. They are so sweet.
Do you read them to yourself when you have had it up to here and want to sell him on EBay? :)