Thursday, August 28, 2008

Please Shield the Eyes of All Small Children

So earlier this week, I hit the 30-week mark. Which is the point where I can finally stop holding my breath completely, because the baby now has a 90 percent chance of survival should it be born now.

Of course, we all know that I'm a worry wart, so I won't really completely relax until Tiny Man is born, and then by relax, I mean that it'll only take 8 half-naked bronzed-bodied male masseuse 2.5 days to convince my muscles to stop being tense, because let's face it, I'll worry about these kids until the day I die. And then I'll probably haunt them for the rest of their lives, because how else am I supposed to keep complete tabs on them?

Anyway. Back to the topic at hand. 30 weeks. 8 weeks to go. Which, really, is frightening, because in case you were wondering how my little contest from three years ago where I asked you to name my child is going, well, I'll just say that we're still at an impasse. And the list of names currently has no uncrossed names. I swear to you, any corporation reading this who wants to pay me for the naming rights of my child, I will take your offer at this point, because that's about the only way this child will have a name before he starts dating.

So yeah. 30 weeks (lack of focus much???).

In case you were wondering, this is what I look like at 30 weeks. But before I post this, I should warn you to finish any food you are having, unless you're looking to lose weight, because this should cut your appetite. Also? Grab some sunglasses, because staring at my belly too long is like watching an eclipse, totally bad for the retinas.





What have we learned from this round of pregnancy pictures? That my ass? It not look so good in these pants. While my Motherhood jeans from the 20-something week pic made it look like you could bounce quarters off of it, these pants make it look like I'm trying to steal a couple of plates of pancakes from IHOP (note: ignore the dripping syrup coming out the bottom). Be assured that the 34-week and 38-week pics will be taken in my jeans, whether they cut off circulation to my bladder and kidneys by then or not.

On another note, I have begun drooling tremendously. Not during the day, thank goodness, this would be a quick way for me to lose all of my friends, but at night. I literally wake up in a puddle of drool every time I wake up and have to flip the pillow over in order to get a dry spot. I'm worried that I will die by drowning in a pool of my own drool. Is this the worry that Bulldogs have to live with constantly?

Love,

Catwoman.

28 comments:

AndreAnna said...

I think you look fantastic!

Ms. Porter said...

I think you look fantastic too! I'm so glad you shared a pic of your belly, I love belly pics. As for the name situation...I tell ya, we didn't have a boys name picked out for Bug had she been born a boy (we didn't know the sex of our babies before they were born). We finally settled on a name when I was already laying on the table and the doctors were beginning to do my c-sec and do you know how we selected that name? There was a chair in the room with a plaque on it that said 'in memory of ...' and THAT'S the name we were going to go with. How morbid is that????
Fortunately, we had a girls name picked out and Bug was born a girl!

susan said...

I would wake up in a drool puddle too! I figured out mine was connected to my milk production. Weird, huh?
You look great!! Can't wait to see you for LM's bday!!

Joy T. said...

No WAY do you look that great at 30 weeks??!! Ok I think I hate you :o) Seriously, you look fantastic!

Mom of 4 Busy Kids said...

My fave boy name now is Harrison John. Of course we are done having babies so it's all a waste to come up with them now. :) I also like Brody...it's different, but somewhat normal!!

Sandi said...

Okay, a) I was that size at 12 weeks, bitch. b) Get a package of those waterproof pads from Wally Mart and put it under your pillow case. Might help. c) Where the hell are your stretch marks???? That's totally not fair!

Morgan said...

You look fine. I drooled a lot in my sleep when I was pregnant too, or if I was really sleepy, I had to stop myself from drooling.

TMI?


Thought so.

Morgan said...

You look fine. I drooled a lot in my sleep when I was pregnant too, or if I was really sleepy, I had to stop myself from drooling.

TMI?


Thought so.

Kellie said...

You look AWESOME!! Seriously!! So cute.

Ah yes...the droolies. Loved that. It was fantastic to wake up with drool all over my face.

Nina Diane said...

well you just look so cute!!

Kathryn said...

What are you talking about?? You look great!
Yay 30 week marker!!!

Julie said...

You look great!

the planet of janet said...

you look awesome, actually.

as for the drooling, heh. i think that gets better ... only to get worse when your children hit the teenage years.

squishytushy said...

drool, huh?

sexy!

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

Quit yer bitchin wumman. That belly was so helpful when we needed it to shoo away potential line jumpers.

Becca said...

I think you look perfect...

Rosie : ) said...

Your belly is very cute! Wow, no stretch marks? /jealous

As for names, you should just make a list, then write them on a paper, stick them in a hat and pick one that way, if you are totally undecided. We didn't do this, because I knew exaclty what names I wanted for each child {except the last one ~ hubby picked it, as part of the deal for having our seventh...lol}. I did have students who were named with the hat method though, and they always had interesting names. :)

You could also run a little contest with suggestions...?

Stefanie said...

I named Matilda 2 hours before my C-sec. I'd read an article about Michelle Williams (before Heath died) and I loved the name so I pitched it while lying in my hospital bed getting ready to be wheeled in. Luckily after months of vetoing all my favorite names Jon agreed. I think you're carrying your baby in your boobs! Hubby must be psyched.

Bren said...

As everyone else said, you look awesome. Nothing like a pregnant belly!

Hurry up and name that kid now, woman! Time is ticking!

Haphazardkat said...

I showed Lord V your blog this morning cuz I was makin girlie squeals when I saw the belly pics---so he lumbered over to find out why.
I filled him in on your complete story (including the HJB--handjobbaby)one. hehehehe
He laughed until coffee dripped from his nose!!
hehehe
We cant wait for little baby man!!

BTW--you look fantabulous, girl.

Sugar and Ice said...

I think you look great! Not a stretch mark in sight!!

Jesse said...

OMG you look great and I can't believe how long it's been since I've blogged or read any blogs. Well I'm back and I can't wait to catch up on you and Little Man.

LaskiGal said...

I haven't visited in awhile (found you originally at AFF's), but saw the title of this and had to hop over.

First of all, I get how you feel. 30 weeks. That breath I'd been holding since leaving the doctor's office with my positive test finally was let out when I crossed the 30th week.

And as for that pic. Are you kidding? I should post mine. You, my dear, are a supermodel . . .

Plus, remember . . . that belly is magic. Pure, unadulterated magic. It opens doors, causes even the most rotten schmuck to smile, the rudest cashier to hand out a compliment, and the snottiest kid to look in awe (even if they later ask their mom about the fat lady who walks like a penguin).

Take care, you!

Colleen said...

1. Hi Tiny Man! (love the belly...sigh)
2. you still have a roundish-looking rump...mine was flat by then...like the wall...all spread out.
3. I'm glad I'm not the only pg woman that drooled. makes me feel better for when I trick my hubby into #3 baby.
4. if he asks...I wasn't here looking at your baby belly. and I certainly wasn't rubbing my own belly wishing I had a small person of my own in there again. :)

Burgh Baby said...

Damn, woman. You make pregnancy look goooooood.

I think I can answer your final question: No. Bulldogs are too stupid to care that they are nearly drowning in a puddle of drool each time they lay their weary heads upon my face. *wipes dog drool off chin*

Rachel said...

I think you look great! I think the ass problem probably stems from the fact that you are wearing black pants in front of a black fireplace so it's not well defined.

Hope that helps.

Marmarbug said...

You look GREAT!

I promise. At 30 weeks I broke a pair of elastic in my maternity pants. Yeah.
Oh and looking at the belly made my ovaries and uterus sigh. They are pissed now they are not in use.
I think I want another one now!!!!

David said...

Since my wife has already commented and...um...might read these comments again....ahhh...
....well....geeze....

You're HUGE!!!!!!

;-)

(12 weeks, right?)