Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dr. Not-So-Bright

Recently, I got my act together enough to get Sweetie Pie and I dentist appointments. This was long overdue and necessary, for me, because I hadn't been in three years (put down your spears, people! I'm not the only one! AndreAnna was the same way!) and I was getting some bad gingivitis because of the pregnancy, which can be a cause for premature labor; for Sweetie Pie, it was even more crucial, because he broke an old crown on a peppercorn a few days before.

So I dusted off the dental insurance card and went on the Web site to find a dentist nearby.

I found one, whose last name is a synonym of smart or bright, hence the title of this post (and now you know where this is going...)

I went first, the day before Sweetie Pie. When I got there, the wife was working behind the front desk, and she was the prettiest, sweetest woman ever, about my age and from chatting with her, we had kids only a few months apart and she was trying for baby number two.

I get taken back, where I meet her husband, Dr. Not-So-Bright. And at first, I love him too. We talk kids, he's really nice and I think to myself "man, we need to become friends with this couple, they're really cool!"

Only one small red flag, Dr. Not-So-Bright said to me "let's go take your X-rays now."

I look down at my protruding belly, and back at him and casually smile and say "this isn't a beer gut, I'm pregnant." He looks confused.

So I clarify. "I'm with child. (pause) Uhm, I've been told pregnant women shouldn't have X-rays."

Dr. Not-So-Bright then proceeds to tell me that many pregnant women go ahead and do it anyway.

Right.

Just like some pregnant women choose to continue to drink excessive amounts.

Or smoke crack.

Or go sky diving.

But that doesn't mean I'm going to do it.

I politely tell him that no thanks, I'll just wait six months and be on the safe side.

Dr. Not-So-Bright then tells me he won't be able to see if there's anything wrong with my teeth without the X-Rays, to which I tell him I'm fine with that.

But other than the X-ray incident, I liked him. He was nice, young, personable and found me to have no cavities, despite my refusal of the X-Ray.

Fast forward to Sweetie Pie's visit for the installation of his temporary crown. And where Dr. Not-So-Bright tells Sweetie Pie that they'll be working on tooth #19 today. Sweetie Pie tells him "I don't know what tooth #19 is, all I know, is this one hurts", pointing to his tooth. Dr. Not-So-Bright proceeds to argue with Sweetie Pie that he's pointing to the wrong tooth, and that tooth #19 is on the other side of his mouth.

Sweetie Pie proceeds to argue with the dentist for 10 minutes over which tooth is the tooth that needs to be fixing, until the doctor, to prove that Sweetie Pie is wrong proceeds to put some putty on the tooth that Sweetie Pie is pointing to, that supposedly causes extreme pain if the tooth is cracked and the nerve is exposed.

Cue to Sweetie Pie being in so much pain from said putty that he practically leaps out of the dentist's chair and ends up stuck on the ceiling a-la-Spiderman.

Dr. Not-So-Bright is then confused. "How weird!", he tells Sweetie Pie. "We must havev written 19 instead of 18 in your file."

Oh really? How interesting! Our not even three year old knows the difference between 18 and 19, but apparently, they don't teach you that in dental school.

Dr. Not-So-Bright then proceeds to numb Sweetie Pie. Or I should say, attempt to numb him.

Because instead of pricking him in the gum of the tooth that needs to be worked on, Dr. Not-So-Bright does it in Sweetie Pie's cheek, which Sweetie Pie has never experienced in his long history of dental work, and that I, with my once-in-my-life cavity have never experienced either.

Dr. Not-So-Bright comes back 10 minutes later and asks Sweetie Pie if the area is numb yet. Sweetie Pie tells him that his cheek is numb, but that he can still feel the cheek.

Dr. Not-So-Bright thinks Sweeetie Pie is wrong, and proceeds to tap him on the tooth, sending Sweetie Pie into another fit of agony.

"How strange!", Dr. Not-So-Bright says. "Let's try that again!"

Cue to Dr. Not-So-Bright giving Sweetie Pie a second shot in the cheek. Ten minutes go by, cheek more numb, tooth not.

Fast forward to two hours later, where Dr. Not-So-Bright has now given my huband eight shots in his cheek. And Sweetie Pie looks a little like Michael Phelp's bull dog or Walter Matthau at this point.

How Sweetie Pie, the man with no patience didn't speak up this entire time, I'll never know. I didn't think to ask, because I was laughing so hard when he told me the story, that I was trying to not send myself into labor from lack of breathing.

Dr. Not-So-Bright is extremely confused at this point and asks Sweetie Pie if this always happens. Which Sweetie Pie tells him that no, the first shot always works, but that it's usually in his GUM. Dr. Not-So-Bright then proceeds to tell Sweetie Pie that they're going to have to send him home, because they're only allowed to give him two more shots.

This is when Sweetie Pie loses it. He tells him like hell he's leaving without his temporary crown. He orders Dr. Not-So-Bright to give him another shot, but that this time it has to be in his gum.

Somehow, Dr. Not-So-Bright listens. Sweetie Pie, mere seconds later, has a numb tooth (and the right side of his face is paralyzed from the 8 shots in his cheek, but that's a different story) and the installation of the temporary crown is a success.

Last night, Dr. Not-So-Bright called to say that Sweetie Pie's permanent crown has arrived and that he should call to get it installed.

Yup, that's right folks, my husband is going back there one more time. He figures the crown is paid for and how badly can Dr. Not-So-Bright mess up under his surveillance?

Considering it took 24 hours for him to get feeling back in his face last time? I'd say the odds are pretty damn good myself.

Enough to say, I will be cancelling our January appointments that I'd made for Sweetie Pie and I and will be looking for a new dentist in the fall.

And please keep your fingers crossed that Dr. Not-So-Bright doesn't somehow make me a widow when Sweetie Pie goes back next week.

Love,

Catwoman.

23 comments:

Marmarbug said...

HOLY CRAP! That dentist scares me just a wee bit. Maybe he spent too much time giving himself shots in the BRAIN!
Tell Sweetie Pie good luck and I hope he has a face when he comes home!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Sounds like a fun time was had by all!!

Hallie :)

Kellie said...

Oh dear Lord, for real?!

I know I shouldn't be laughing, but I can't help myself. This is totally something that would happen to me. Poor Sweetie Pie. He's a far better sport than I would've been.

I totally agree with finding a new dentist.

:)

Anonymous said...

We use Dr. Luk in Plano. Very nice. Never had any problems.

Karen
Mckinney,TX

Burgh Baby said...

I bet Sweetie Pie was a sexy beast that day when his face was numb and he kept drooling.

Fire. the. dentist. AND RUN!

Anonymous said...

Can pregnant women not get xrays anywhere? Not even for their mouth? I don't know anything about being pregnant but maybe he was just going to do the little xray machine thing where they put the lazer looking thing by your mouth.

But I guess you'd know better about what xrays are ok for pregnant women.

I had a dentist who numbed my gum and cheek so poorly that when she started working on my tooth I kicked over her tray of tools with pain. She then proceeded to numb me so much that when I went out that night with my friends they all thought I had had a stroke or something.

Morgan said...

Oh. My. Gosh.


Wow.

Hot Mamma said...

Geese! How in the world does this guy STILL have people coming??? Wow!

the planet of janet said...

can i just say that you have validated every dental-anxiety episode i have ever had?

AndreAnna said...

Way to out me in public for my poor oral hygiene. LOL

I actually have another appointment scheduled for October 11th that I'm already concocting ways to get out of it.

I think I may have the bird flu.

Or something.

P.S. I'd have passed out if I were your husband. And some poor sap would have had to lug my giant jiggly post-partum body off the cold floor.

P.P.S. When you're not knocked up, go to a place that gives out nitrous. It's fun.

Susan said...

That is so wrong! And you're so generous to call him not-so-bright. I'd say ridiculously stupid and his father or mother is obviously on the board of whatever dental college he attended. (Though I get the play on his name). I agree - RUN!!!!!!!

Julie said...

OMG! Sweetie Pie must be the most patient person in the world!

Kathryn said...

I think dentists are satan's helpers. I have a great fear of them.
I have been numbed in the cheek many times. Weird, but it worked. And dentists have also told me that X-rays are fine when you are pregnant because it is basically just your head they take pics of and you have a lead vest on. Still. I wouldn't have risked it either.

beach mama said...

OMG!!! I also am really bad getting to the dentist. Hubby goes 4 times a year. Me? I'll be heading there Sept 4th for the first time in about 2 years at 38 weeks. And hoping I have labor as an excuse not to go! LOL! So I am right up there with you and AA.

And I read somewhere that it really is ok for pregnant women to get x-rays in the mouth as long as you are covered well with that metal blanket over the belly. But, a good dentist can tell if you have a surface cavity by looking and poking, just the ones between the teeth are needed for x-rays....and those can always wait a bit for your own piece of mind.

Damn. I am glad you are finding a new dentist. He sounds like an idiot.

Ms. Porter said...

OMG! I am afraid of the dentist as it is, and my dentist is my Dad's friend and has been my dentist since I was four. I can't believe Sweetie Pie didn't leave on his own, scarey!!!

Maria said...

Sometimes you have to cut your losses!

Sandi said...

I had to go to the dentist a month before the girls came, too. The dentist would get me NO WHERE NEAR an x-ray! Good grief, girl! At least write me and I'll get you the names of some GOOD dentists in the area!

Nina Diane said...

good grief!!
yeah, I'd be checking out some other dentist......sounds like a whacko

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

I'm still just glad I didn't go to him when you told me to!

Rachel said...

I think he was patient because he couldn't talk since his entire head was numb. Well, except for his tooth.

squishytushy said...

Other than leaving me absolutely speechless, I'm pishing in my undies right now!

I'm a Mom!..? said...

Reading this gave me chills, I HATE going to the Dentist and know that feeling of an exposed nerve.... ACK!

justmylife said...

And that is why I hate dentist! That is the kind of dentist I always find.