Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The One Where I Write About the Big "O"

I've talked before about how much better my love life has been this pregnancy. Compared to the first one, that is, where I practically had a sign that said "do not touch" around my neck during the entire nine months.

But this time around, I've been very frisky. And Sweetie Pie, who the first time around wasn't really into it either, terrified that he'd somehow harm his unborn child, has gotten over his issues too, and has been perfectly content with how things have gone.

A few months ago, my favorite Ohioan blonde wrote that during her last pregnancy her big O's seemed to fizzle. I remember thinking "man, that's weird." And thought it was ironic that it would happen to the horniest pregnant woman North of the Mississippi (or whatever river Ohio is North of, I don't know American rivers, people, I'm from Canada, give me a break. OK, I don't know Canadian rivers either, really, but who does?).

I'm sad to say, that I've now had my O's kidnapped too. I've tried putting pictures of it on the side of a milk carton, but the picture of fireworks doesn't fit. Besides, they don't even make milk cartons anymore, so that's not going to work.

I then called "America's Most Wanted," because I really, really don't want my O's back.

How does one lose their O, you ask? Well, it's kind of hard to explain, except that I'll put it this way. I've gone from having such powerful ones at the beginning of this pregnancy that if a breeze blew near me within a 48-hour time period, all of my nerve endings were still so sensitive that they'd feel like they were on fire. It was the kind of O's that made me concerned that maybe I was having an aneurysm at the same time, because surely my grey matter must be coming out of my ears from the sheer force of it.

Now? It's a little like when you open a pop can. You know that small fizzle? It's like it's there and then poof, just as quickly it's done. And it leaves me really, really frustrated. I've tried everything, people, I mean everything, including using my battery operated boyfriend in the shower, my favorite one, his name is Duncan. Like Duncan Hines, because I like him as much as I like frosting.

But even Duncan only provokes the opening-of-the-can fizzle. Poor Duncan. I'm sure his feelings are hurt.

Luckily, with Beebop having gone through it before me, I know that all's well that ends well and that hers came back post baby. But seriously, four months without fireworks? That's a freaking long time, people.

So if you'd like to donate some O's to me. Please put them in an envelope, mail them to me and I will release one right when my can fizzles. And that way, maybe I can live vicariously through all of you.

Love,

Catwoman.

18 comments:

beebop said...

OH! Did I ever forget (and quickly) how I lost my orgasm during those final months of pregnancy. I couldnt even get my "duncan" (I like to call him thumper) to get me off. And then I had that burning sensation on top of it all. I'm so sorry for your loss catwoman. It will come back though, with a vengence. I promise.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

You want me to put one of my "o's" in an envelope and mail it to you? I'm not sure your mailman is going to appreciate moist mail!

Hallie :)

Kathryn said...

Oh yeah. I lost them big time the last few months. I think just being big and pregnant was enough to send mine into hiding. I just wasn't into it.
But, they came back. No worries! :)

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to think of frosting the same. Ever. O.

beach mama said...

I gotta get me a waterproof "O" maker. Nice.

I was all 'don't touch me' my whole 1st pregnancy too and most of my 2nd...now that I have about 8 weeks to go, I can't stop. LOL! Hubby is loving it. Maybe I am trying to make up for lost time and the 6+ weeks he's not allowed to touch me after birth.

Morgan said...

Duncan? Really? Teeheeheeheehee...

So sorry for your loss, Catwoman, I really hope the O's come back soon. :)

the planet of janet said...

in the shower? waterproof-like?

oh ("O"?) my ... i think i need to look into this!!!!

That Chick Over There said...

My O's are all MINE, MINE, MINE.

Sorry. I'm not sharing.

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

I don't know how I'm going to look you in the face tomorrow. I'm so going to write O's in paint.

Bren said...

Duncan? I'll never be able to look at frosting the same way. Now I'll be buying Betty, I think.

squishytushy said...

I hope you find your O's soon... !

Marmarbug said...

Well...crap. That sucks.

I'll send you a few of mine. FedEx work for you? Try thinking of Paul Walker. Nekkid. That helps me.

David said...

Huh....


....


...well.....that is certainly interesting....


I'll keep my eyes open and let you know if I see your O's any where areound here.....

8-|

Sandi said...

My O's are still the brain matter spilling kind, and I'm really liking it that way, so I'm keeping them!

BUT, I totally had that sign around my neck with the first one too.

And I don't think I'll ever be able to think of frosting the same way again....maybe I should've named one of mine Duncan...?

Rachel said...

First, I have to say, cuz I am anal like that, Ohio is EAST of the Mississippi.

Also, I need all the O's I can get. Sorry.

justmylife said...

I am now switching to Betty! Since I am heading toward the big M, I am short on the big O so I can't share any. Hope you find them again soon.

Colleen said...

hmmmm...never lost O during my two pregnancies, however in the past few months my O seems to be a bit on hiatus and I'm not even pg? How does that work? But same thing...just a fizzle and I'm like "that's it, huh?" and I haven't been able to do the double-O since kid#2 was born (the double-O was only around after #1 was born until #2 was born). I'm sure yours will come back soon...but while you're looking, if you happen to come across mine, I wouldn't mind getting in touch with it again, even if just on weekends...

Emma in Canada said...

I'm keeping mine for myself. I've never had a problem with them, thank God.