Tuesday, July 01, 2008

News Flash: The Bachelorette is Not Appropriate Toddler Watching

For the past 18 months or so, Little Man, Sweetie Pie and I have had a tradition. We eat dinner together (and by eating dinner, I mean Little Man eats one bite of food and says "I'm done" and then gets down and proceeds to whine to Sweetie Pie and I that he wants ice cream, until I beg the dogs to eat the child so I can just have some peace and quiet) and then once an acceptable amount of food has been eaten by all humans, and the rest has been dropped on my silk-covered kitchen chair cushions for the dogs to eat up and add more slobber stains to, Little Man requests some show that involves animation and high-pitch voices that make our windows vibrate that he watches it on our bed, and Sweetie Pie and I watch historical documentaries whatever I want to watch in the living room.

Ever so often, Little Man decides that he wants to be with us instead, which is a little like a cat deciding that he wants to follow you to work, it simply does not happen.

Last night was one of those nights, and of course, we all know by now that Monday nights are sacred in this household, because that is the night my crack, The Bachelorette airs (dear God, only one episode left, how will I fill my meaningless life after next Monday???)

Little Man said that he wanted to watch Mama's show, the name he calls anything that isn't animated, because clearly the kid's already figured out who controls the satellite signal in this house.

He then climbed on the sofa and proceeded to snuggle with me and his stuffed frog.

All was well, until halfway through the episode, Little Man observes "she kissing a lot."

Sweetie Pie glance at each other.

"Uhm, yeah, she is, isn't she?" I stammer. I then wonder why The Bachelorette has to act like such a whore, when clearly an almost three-year old is in the room. I mean, where are her manners?

Little Man then adds "I going to kiss Madeline."

Sweetie Pie and I silently laugh, as Madeline is Little Man's new girlfriend at school. She's blonde and blue eyed and looks like she could be Little Man's twin, which means that they would have gorgeous children together, should this relationship survive the next 20+ years.

But then I realize that dear God, my child who remembers everything will go to school tomorrow and try to kiss this poor innocent girl who probably hasn't even thought of holding Little Man's hand (at least, she better not have, or that hoochie is going to have to deal with me.)

So I say to Little Man that he can't go around kissing people, that there are only certain people he's allowed to kiss.

He looks at me, a little surprised, and says "Who can Little Man kiss?"

So I start rattling off names. Mama. Daddy. Nonnie. Papaw. Mamou. Dadou. Aunts and Uncles.

"Nobody else?"

"Nope, nobody else, Little Man."

Little Man ponders this for a second. "I not kiss Satan's Dog and Old Dog?"

Exceptions were made for the dogs, to the great relief of both Little Man and Satan's Dog. Old Dog, however, was greatly disappointed and asked for an appeal to my decision.

Love,

Catwoman.

12 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

If only that lecture would carry him through the teen years.

Hallie :)

Marmarbug said...

Ah yes. The kissing talk. You just gave me inspiration to todays blog. I knew there was a special reason I loved you.
And I am sure that my dogs would agree with your old dog about the kissing. Bean just loves to do it WAY too much.
OH! AND there is a new show starting tonight on Family Channel. The Secret life of an American Teen. Looks good.

Kathryn said...

Aww. What a little love.

About the bachlorette. Who do you think she is going to pick?? I must say, I am in love with Jason. If I weren't already married I'd have to stalk him. Love him.

AndreAnna said...

I was inadvertently watching The Karate Kid yesterday while C was playing.

About an hour later, she tried to karate kick the cat.

They're a lot smarter than we give them credit for. LOL

Morgan said...

Andreanna's comment made me crack up.

::giggle::

The kissing talk- already? Kids these days move too fast for me. lol. :)

Lynsey said...

Oh the things we learn from TV!

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

Poor doggies almost got left out. And, come on, you know Madeline's crying at school for her lack of LM kisses now.

Julie said...

I swear NOTHING gets by kids these days. Abby was asking me when she could please please please wear a bra the other day.

the planet of janet said...

ah, kissing.

i thought it was SO cute when my son kissed a girl in kindergarten.

four years later, when my DAUGHTER came home and told me a boy had kissed her ... there was fire, brimstone, calls to the teacher...

yeah, i'm a sexist. i admit it.

justmylife said...

The things kids see on TV. My daughter is currently in to wrestling. I pity the dogs!!

Colleen said...

how sweet is he to remember some love for the dogs? :)

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Our Lhasa could only wish that I would have that sort of conversation with Alexis and at some point manage to slide in that French kissing the dogs is not on the approved behaviors list. The Bulldog, of course, would have a cow if she didn't get to swap spit with the Toddler.

Little Man is a sweet little thing. Make sure to tell him his little bro is on the approved list! You'll know he'll remember.