Monday, July 21, 2008

Minus Three Months: My Letter to Tiny Man

So this is it, kid. We're now in the sprint to the finish line. Which is really, really terrifying in many ways, because it means that in 90 days, my life will completely change. No longer will I simply be woken up by the wails of a toddler who has to go potty and won't get out of bed by himself; from that point on, I'll be woken up by the screams of a newborn too.

And yet, as much as the paragraph above is probably making uteruses across the universe shut down in sympathy, I have to tell you, I'm really looking forward to it. I remember holding your brother while feeding him in the middle of the nights, around us, just darkness and silence that was only punctured by his tiny sucking sounds. I still cherish those memories, and I'm certain there will be times during the teenage years where they are what I hang on to in order to prevent me from killing you boys. I look forward to sharing my nights with you to, your small hands, sweet face simply an outline in the dark, and me getting to rock you and sit in awe that I created you.

Someday, you'll hopefully have a child of your own, and you will understand how the world changes so completely when you realize that you actually made another human being. And that everything you accomplished in your life no longer matters at all, that your every purpose now, no matter what, is to keep this being from harm's way and get him to his 18th birthday with minimal physical and emotional scarring. And it's the biggest honor there is, something I never could have understood before I had children.

You've seriously mellowed out during the past few weeks. You've become more like your brother, where you kick only a few times a day, which I take it as your way of saying "yo, I'm still in here." You always kick when I'm eating, which I take to mean "hey, thanks for the grub lady, I was starving!"

The other day, I asked your brother if he wanted to say hello to you. He stood in front of my belly button and yelled "HI BABY!" You went nuts! It was like you realized that the chipmunk voice you've been hearing had finally paid attention to you, and it was like this was the greatest moment of your fetal life. I then asked your brother if he wanted to give you a kiss, and when he kissed my belly, you began to kick really hard in response. I told Little Man that you were kicking to say thank you. He stared at me for a second and said "Baby kicked my kisses?" I tried to explain to him that kicking is the only way you have to communicate from inside my tummy, but I'm thinking you might have miffed him. So should he kick you in retaliation at some point during the next 18 years, don't be mad at him, ok? It's kind of all my fault.

Your father finally got to feel you kick for the first time last week. It seemed your only form of entertainment was to make sure you avoided your father feeling your movements. Every time you would kick, I would tell your father to hurry and put his hand on my belly. And every time, you would stop. So I then switched to motioning to your father or snapping my fingers at him and getting him to feel silently. But somehow, you're connected to my brain or can feel my arms' movement, so that didn't work either. And then finally, one evening, as you were kicking, I made all sorts of weird faces at your father and mouthed at him to come over and he caught you kicking. I'm not sure why you'd withold this from your Daddy, really, because he was so happy to finally feel you.

Unless you're doing it because you're going to be a Mama's boy. Which, if that's the case, then that's fine. I have absolutely zero issues with being adored by both of my boys and crowned the family matriach.

I love you, my Tiny Man.




Morgan said...

Awwww! Only 90 days? Wow! :)

the planet of janet said...

this is such a sweet note to your tiny man.

remind us to remind you of it when he's melting down some day in chuck e. cheese. heh.

i like to remind roo-girl (when i try to pinch her cute little 14-year-old tush) that "i made this." she tells me in no uncertain terms that it's HERS now so BACK OFF, WOMAN.

but you never stop being in awe of what you created.

for real.

Rachel said...

I can't believe that it's only 90 more days!!!

Marmarbug said...

I can not wait to meet Tiny Man!!! Boys are the best! Not that I am biased.

Susan said...

I'm ready for another one! Okay, not really.

susan said...

super duper *aw!*
love, love, love reading your sappy stuff!

Emma in Canada said...

For ages, Sophie wouldn't kick when William was near. Oh, she was a bugger. Still is actually. In a totally adorable way of course.

Once again, loved the monthly letter!

Tara said...

Congrats on the new addition to the family. I just came across your blog. I am a Kansan living in Canada after marrying a Canadian! I have enjoyed reading your blog.

Sandy said...

What a nice letter!

Anonymous said...

How sweet. My baby, who is now 21, used to kick his Dad in the head anytime he tried to lay his head in my lap. It was like he was saying, "Get up!" :) Margie

Haphazardkat said...

I can't wait to finally (blog) meet your tiny man!!!

Poltzie said...

Such a sweet letter! I can't wait to be pregnant again reading this!

Colleen said...

I think I'm ready to start on my third one now! :)

My kids avoided their father's hand while in utero...kind of annoying at times because it was the same thing.."quick honey! feel!" and nothing. Although in their defense, their father wasn't as excited about it as I was. Maybe they knew that.