Friday, July 25, 2008

A Cupcake Story

I've talked before about the bakery across the street from me and how it cruelly started a happy hour every afternoon, so that my pregnant hiney is lured with the promises of buy one, get one half off cookies, and cupcakes and other pastries that taste like they've been baked by Martha Stewart herself.

Tuesday was cupcake day of the happy hour and I suddenly decided that Little Man and I must enjoy a cupcake on the long ride home.

I was so excited to surprise him with this, which goes to show I'm really not as smart as I claim to be, because seriously, at what point am I going to learn that my toddler isn't like anyone else's.

As we were walking out of the school, I told Little Man that I had something for him in the car (note that I did avoid the use of the word 'surprise'). I said "do you want to guess what it is?" and Little Man looked confused. I said "I'll give you a hint, it starts with the letter 'C' and so it starts with the 'ka' sound."

Little Man frowns for a second and says "Is it a Ka-donut?"

So this isn't going like I was hoping it would. Because now I have to break his little toddler heart and tell him that no, it is not in fact a donut, or a Ka-donut.

Defeated, I finally just tell him "No, it's a cupcake.

- Ooooh! I like cupcakes. But I like donuts too."

Right then.

We get in the car, and I give Little Man his chocolate cupcake, topped by a cloud of light-as-air frosting that looks like it came from the pages of a food magazine.

I get in the front seat of the car and as I'm driving off, I devour my cupcake, the one that's caused me to sit in a puddle of drool from having dirty fantasies about the things I would do to it with my mouth, my tongue, my digestive track for the past 10 minutes.

After I finished devouring my cupcake, I turned to Little Man to see how he was enjoying his and stunned, I see that he's still clutching his, intact, between his hands.

"Don't you like the cupcake," I stammer.

"I like cupcake. Cupcake is good.

- But you're not eating it," I wail.

Little Man looks at me in a way that betrays that he's really an 80-year old trapped in the body of a toddler.

"We don't eat in the car," he scolds me. "Cars are for sitting and driving."


"But Little Man... This is Mama's car, we've always eaten in it. I mean, I ate my cupcake, so I'm allowing you to eat yours."

Toddler glares at me.

"Cars are not for eating. Cars are for sitting and driving."

Right, yeah, you've said that already kid. And considering no one he rides with ever has that rule, I've got no clue where this logie is coming from.

Little Man then states that he will eat his cupcake in his house. Because apparently he will be paying the mortgage from now on with his offshore investments, so it's his house now.

I looked at him defeated and simply said "whose child are you?" but received no response.

Wouldn't you know it, but that boy clutched that cupcake the entire 30-minute ride home and never took a bite.

When we finally got home, he climbed up on the couch, demanded a napkin and proceeded to devour almost the entire thing in five minutes.

I've never understood so little about genetics.




Wonderful World of Weiners said...

The wonders of the toddler mind.

Damn, that cupcake looks good.

Damn, Atkins.

Damn, damn, damn.


Julie said...

if he's like to pay our mortgage too I'd be happy to forward the bills.

funny he won't eat in the car but ok on the couch!

Morgan said...

I thought the same thing as Julie. LOL. :)

He's a cutie.

My kids are all for eating in the car, they throw their food everywhere! :)

Sharon said...

That is hilarious! Kids are just funny aren't they? I took my daughter to the Dr. the other day where she had to get a shot, but they gave her a lollipop afterward. As she was licking away, I asked her, you know the 2 yr. old, how it was and her response?
"Mmmmm.... delicious!"
I have never heard her say that before! It is just too funny!

Susan said...

I could eat that little man with a spoon! How adorable!

Becca said...

ahh it ate my comment...

I had almost the same experience yesterday. My son took one it of an Oreo Cakester, made a face and handed it back!!!!??????

Oh well, more for me

Nina Diane said...

are you sure he's your kid? haha.....

Jordan said...

Bahaha, he's perfect. When my brother was 6, my dad gave someone the finger when they were driving, and all of a sudden this voice piped up from the back: "That was not safe driving! And I'm telling Ms. Fonck (saintly Grade 1 teacher) that you gave that man the SWEAR FINGER!"

And that cupcake looked AMAZING.

Marmarbug said...

Dude. He TOLD you!
that is too cute. And dang that cupcake looks FABULOUS!

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

You know full well that's the half Baptist side of him.

Hot Mamma said...

Wow he has major resistance!

Haphazardkat said...

its the sacred gene of the man thats built into them. Destroy all things except the chariot in which they ride.
Pee all over the toilet seat, dont replenish the toilet paper, leave 3 day old socks on floor, dirty dishes where they lay but by GOD don't smudge the wax job on the truck--eating in it? my god woman...are you NUTS?

Anita the Ovolina said...

He has potential for greatness!
What self-control..I wouldn't have resisted that yummy cup-cake...
Anita the Ovolina

Bren said...

I wish I had his discipline!

He's a cutie with that cupcake all over his face.

Poltzie said...

That's about the sweetest story I've heard in a long time!

justmylife said...

Looks like Little Man has learned how to torture his mom! heh!! And that picture is torturing me right now, I so want one!!

Burgh Baby said...

My husband would pay BIG MONEY for a kid that would lecture Alexis and I about not eating in the car. BIG MONEY.

Rachel said...

First of all, I now want cupcakes.

Second, so LM thinks it ok to eat on the couch but not in the car? Or maybe he's already perfecting his ability to guilt trip people.