Thursday, June 05, 2008

Car Trauma

So I've talked before of my car's moth infestation. I don't know where they came from, or how to make them go away, but every time I kill them, I get into my car the next time, and there are four more for me to kill. I'm sure this is how defeated Satan's Dog feels in his battle against my underwear, since for every pair he chews up, I'm forced to buy two more.

Worst of all, the damn moths are now turning Little Man into someone who's deadly afraid of bugs, which does not fare well for him to get married, since killing bugs? That's definitely in the husband's duties column, right along beg wife for some nightly loving.

But those moths, they seem to love to fly around Little Man's head and touch his exposed arm and leg flesh, making him screech "MAAAAAMAAAAAAA BUUUUUUUUUUUUGS! GAAAAAH!!!! THEY'RE SCRAAAAAA-TCHING MEEEEEEEEE!" And making me practically swerve off the road from the explosion between my ears caused by these supersonic pleas.

I've tried to tell him that moths are just another kind of butterfly, but I'm afraid that this will only cause him to fear all butterflies, which how can you be popular in high school, if you run away screaming every time you spot a Monarch 20 feet away?

And so this morning, in an attempt to appease him as yet another moth was attacking him and trying to suck Little Man's blood, I opened the back windows and told him that way they would fly out the window and leave him alone.

This seemed like a good plan for a long time, except for one thing. I drive a Jeep Liberty, so my trunk, is actually just an open space. In my so-called trunk, I had Little Man's inflatable boat and beach ball, both of which I'd forgotten to remove after our Saturday trip to the lake.

The winds this morning were insane. They are the kind of winds that make you feel like you should tie down the toddler, so that he doesn't get blown away during the next gust of 40-miles per hour wind.

And as we drove over the highway, Little Man suddenly screamed "MY BALL!" I was confused. His ball? "Yes, my ball! It fly out THE WINDOW!!! Get it, Mama! Get it!"

I thought he might be mistaken. Maybe his ball had just jumped back to the trunk, because I figured that the ball had to be bigger than the window, but like some science experiment gone wrong, the suction forces on the outside of the car, somehow managed to cause the ball to contract itself and make its big escape. I say this like I know what I'm talking about, but Madonna's "Four Minutes to Save the World" was on the radio at that moment, and I was too busy dancing and singing to really notice anything going on in my back seat.

Little Man proceeded to yell things out the window like "Come back ball!" "I miss you ball!" "Little Man loves you ball, why you fly out window?" All of which had me laughing so hard, that I couldn't breathe anymore, leading Tiny Man to kick me in the lungs in a panic.

I'm guessing they're going to take my Compassionate Mother of the Year Award away from me again, aren't they?

Since Little Man was not crying or throwing fits, I told him I would take him to Target tonight to get him a new ball. And to the people of Oklahoma, I say that I hope you enjoy Little Man's ball, since I figure with today's winds, it's got to be halfway up your state by now.




Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Moths suck blood? WTF?

And maybe you should be APOLOGIZING to all the people who damn near crashed in the road trying to avoid the aforementioned ball?

Jeesh woman - get with the program!

Hallie :)

Did you enter the contest yet?

Chas said...

I read somewhere that if moths get in your car that you should put sprigs of rosemary under your car seats. They apparently don't appreciate the smell.

Lynsey said...

It's always fun to drive behind someone and have a ball jump out at you :)

Rachel said...

I would love to have been a fly (moth?) on the seat of the car that was behind you when that ball came flying out the window!!

justmylife said...

So I can only assume that since there was no mention of screeching brakes behind you, the ball did not cause an accident, I would have loved to see the look on the face of the driver behind you.

And as for bugs, my back window is full of dead moths, I close them in the hot car and they die.

Jordan said...

When I was little, my dad's car used to be full of spide egg sacks, but somehow there were never any spiders visible... I concluded that the spiders had all climbed into my mouth and/or nether bits, all tiny and many-legged and unseen.

The car was less popular for a while as a result.

I hope Target has a new ball, and that Little Man will love it just as much, barring anymore heartbreaking desertions. And YAY! Debut of 'Tiny Man'!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I swear on a giant pack of gummy worms, I saw a beach ball hurtling down the street when I ran errands at lunch. Little Man's balls have made it to the Burgh.

the planet of janet said...

i had something all clever to say but when i read burgh baby mom's comment, i laughed so hard that it bounced right out of my head.

Emma in Canada said...

I think Little Man is living in the wrong state if he is afraid of bugs.

And I'm a little freaked out by Jordan's spider egg story so whatever I wanted to say about the balls is gone.

Kathryn said...

Blood-sucking moths? Yeah. I'm pretty sure that would freak me out too. Poor little man.

That Chick Over There said...


Julie said...

Sounds like you need the Orkin man to check out your mothmobile.

At least the ball thing was unintentional. I have been known to open the sun roof without thinking/remembering my kids have balloons in the car from a restaurant. First time EMily's balloon when out the sun roof - yikes, bad times.

Marmarbug said...

OMG! Your story and the comments are killing me. I am seriously laughing so hard.
Ummm, so you lost his ball and let the moths get him! SHAME on you momma!