Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Monthly Letter: Special Edition -- Potty Training

Dear Little Man,

For the past 32 months now, I've written you a letter once a month. But a momentous moment has happened this weekend, one that I think requires its own letter. This weekend, you officially joined the ranks of us underwear-wearing folks.

This is a moment, that I have to admit, I didn't think would ever come, because you might as well learn this right now, I tend to obsess over every little last thing and think that if I can't control it, it's never going to happen.

But the fact that we have another baby on the way motivated me to get going with this, because Huggies gets enough of our money right now and the idea of two in diapers led me to picture the new yacht the Huggies CEO would probably be buying with my money.

Friday night, I took you to Target and I made you pick out underwear and from the way I was going on and on about it in a high-pitched squeal, I'm certain the people in the next aisle thought that this was the most important purchase of both of our lives.

Then I dragged you to the Jelly Belly aisle and I let you pick jelly beans in any color you wanted and I let you eat one. You got excited and asked me for more candy, but I told you that the only way to get to enjoy more tasty jelly beans would be to go pee pee in the potty.

I don't think you really believed me, as the rest of the night, our conversation went something like this:

"Little Man, it's time for dinner, please sit in your chair.

- Can I have candy now?

- Let's go play outside.

- Can I have candy now?

- Do you want to blow bubbles?

- Can I have candy now?"

And I swear to you, I came this close to shoving the entire bag of jelly bellies in your mouth, because dear God, there's only so much water torture one pregnant woman can take, you know?

But I somehow stopped the urge, and the second we got home, I stuck you in a pair of Mickey Mouse underwear and constantly asked you if you needed to go potty.

After dinner, we went to play outside, and about half an hour after we got out there, you suddenly got this look of horror, and ran towards me with your legs glued to each other, as you screamed my name.

I removed your wet underwear and told you that next time you felt the urge to pee pee, you needed to use the potty. You then asked me if you could have candy. Can we say one track mind?

Just when I'd given up all hope, it was time for bed and I figured we'd try again the next morning. I poured you your bath while you were putting your frog in bed. And this is where details get a little fuzzy, because I couldn't see you from the bathroom. We figure that you were so excited to take your bath, you ran right into your dresser. This is our best guess, since you Daddy, who was downstairs just heard a thud thud and I, over the running water, only realized something was wrong when I heard you blood curdling wails.

I scooped you up and held you as you cried, and when I saw the big bump on your head, I took you downstairs to put ice on your head. We sat there quietly for a long time, me holding that ice on your head, you trying to stop your brain from filling with blood.

Suddenly, you said quietly "I need to go potty."

I looked across the room at your father, confused, and finally said ok, and put you back on the toilet.

And that's when it happened. You peed all over the seat.

You and I both got wide-eyed at the same time, like we both had the same simultaneous thought of "holy crap! We're really doing this!"

I shrieked and laughed and probably cried a little. I hugged you and we wiped and we flushed and as I was kissing you, you just said, with great relief "I can have my candy now!"

Because really, that's all that mattered. That you'd get to eat one more four-calorie jelly belly.

And that was it. For the rest of the weekend, you were in underwear. You didn't have one accident the entire time.

Because your dad and I are crazy like that, we even took you out to an outdoor concert on Sunday. Where there were port-o-potties. And I forgot your change of clothes on the coffee table, giving us zero safety net.

About two hours after getting to the concert, you said "I have to go potty." And that's where you and I entertained all of the port-o-potties around, as you would scream "Mama, I'm falling in!" and you would hold on to the seat and then the next second, you would grab my very germophobic self as I would scream "GAAAAAH! Don't touch me!"

It took three tries, but finally, on that third attempt, you did what few people in this world can do. You peed in a port-o-potty.

Which by the way, I can't help but laugh at your choice of pooping reading materials. You somehow decided this weekend that the best book for bathroom reading is a bible song book that you were given by one of your Nonnie's Southern Baptist friends. And so you and I sit there, in that small bathroom, singing "Kumbaya, my Lord" and "Jesus Loves Me," while we wait for you to make a deposit. I can't help but find this extremely amusing, especially when your grandparents would probably think it's inappropriate to sing God songs while grunting.

This morning, I sent you to school in your Elmo underwear and you couldn't wait to tell your teacher that you were wearing big boy underwear.

And I, who wanted this milestone so badly. I, who couldn't stand wiping smeared poop from your behind any longer. Well, my heart broke a little. Because somehow, seeing you in that underwear seems to officially close the book on your baby years.

My baby is gone, and in its place stands a big boy, one who has already learned that checking out the poop you've deposited in the toilet is about the coolest thing ever.




Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Taht just might be the cutest Elmo butt I've ever seen! (not to imply I've seen A LOT of Elmo butts!)

Congrats to Little Man!!

Hallie :)

AndreAnna said...

What a cute little Elmo tush! I'm sure he'll love you for these in a few years!

We're planning on doing the run naked outside thing in the early fall. Figure there's no point in trying to potty train her with a new baby coming so soon.

Emma in Canada said...

Awwwww. When you mentioned his hands on the portapotty seat I almost died. Ugh. I would have said the same thing.

Congrats Little Man! And congrts Mama, for being diaper free for the next few months.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Were you this wimpy PRE pregnancy.

You mean to tell me that you DIDN'T like the pic of the SMALL javelin in the knee or the pic of the SMALL whale penis?



Anonymous said...

WOOT!! Way to go, Little Man!! Everywhere I turn today, I'm reading potty stories and how it seemed to go so well. Here's to hoping it's that easy with Morgan!!

I think I threw up a little at Little Man touching you after touching the portapotty seat. Blech. I think I've used those one time in my life and only because I was too drunk to give a crap.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Oh, so inspiring. It almost makes me want to go the undies route with mine. First, though, I think I'll poke forks in my eyes because that sounds even more fun than potty training.

Congrats, Little Man! And, congrats Maman!

random_mommy said...

YAY LM!!! Welcome to the world of unchafed balls!!

Julie said...

Yay Little Man!!! I think this just shows he was so ready to train and of course that he is brillant! I'm so glad you had a good weekend with the potty too. THey are just too cute when they are all proud of themselves and their "underwears". Emily too is in hers at daycare today - I haven't heard anything from them so I hope it all continues to go well. I expect poop accident since she hasn't done that in the potty yet but hopefully dry from pee!

And wait, your Target has a Jelly Belly aisle? : )

Nina Diane said...

WOW....I can't even pee in the port a nasty potty!!

the planet of janet said...

seriously, i won't go NEAR a porta-potty.

but then i have issues anyway ;-)

congrats, little man. way to go!

Anonymous said...

Yay LM. Candy is what life is all about, isn't it?? When are you gonna come over and show SD how it all works? He just decided 5 m&ms were better than 10 jelly bellies..so mom's saving money.

Colleen said...

yay LM!!! way to go!

and doing the underwear route is what worked with Gavin (at 36 months...because I was too pg and too tired to do extra laundry any earlier than that...but got crazy when I realized baby was due in less than a month). He was outside playing and came inside walking like some bow-legged cowboy saying "I'm all wet! Elmo all wet!" But it's been mostly downhill from there! (we still need pullups at night, even though we're nearly 4 now...*sigh*)

A's Mom said...

Yeah, Little Man! Good idea with the jelly beans. I'll have to remember that one when my Little Man decides he wants to become one of us underwear-wearing folks.

Kudos to you too!

Joy T. said...

Aww just priceless, he's so darn cute!! Congratulations to Little Man and congratulations to you as well!

Karen said...

He even peed in a porta potty! Wow. It was truly a miraculous weekend. Congrats!

Haphazardkat said...

i think you deserve a jelly belly after enduring the port-a-potty incident! *shudder*
Congrats to little elmo clad man and congrats to you, Mom! :D

CPA Mom said...

And now? Your life will revolve around every potty, every where you go. He will want to go everywhere. Welcome to my (hell).

But oh so cute!

David said...

You just HAVE to check...cuz sometimes....even 4 decades later....it amazes me how much I can 'deposit' in one sitting.

TMI, I know, but there you go.....

Rachel said...

Because somehow, seeing you in that underwear seems to officially close the book on your baby years.

THAT is why Alyssa still sleeps in a crib and is not even close to truly beginning potty training.

Rachel said...

I totally forgot: CONGRATS Little Man!!!!

Marmarbug said...

YAY! Congrats to little man! It is hard! I was so ready for it and when it happened I was so sad.
It's hard to watch them grow up. Of course the idea of wiping a poo butt now just grosses me out and makes me thankful for potty training.

Gerbil said...

the portajohn bit made me snicker. My older son toilet trained ony so he could wear underwear with ninja turtles on them. Yay for Little Man, that sounds like it went really well!

justmylife said...

Way to go Little Man!!!!

Poodlehead said...

We are currently in this stage ourselves - and it's with my third child (a boy). When it's over I will have no more babies left - it's bittersweet. I know how you felt.