Thursday, May 08, 2008

It's Like He Doesn't Know Me at All

Sweetie Pie and I have known each other since January 18, 1999. Since then, we've gotten married, twice, actually, because marriage isn't like chicken pox, you didn't become immune to it the first time. We've had one baby. And now we have another one on the way.

Most people on the outside would think we'd know each other pretty well. But most people would be wrong.

Most of you reading this haven't known me that long. And the large majority of you have never even met me in person. And yet, I think it would be fair to say that most of you, through reading this blog, know that my sense of humor usually involves me saying shocking things that are clearly not true. It's a sense of humor I share with my ass, who lets out the most nauseous gas attacks, and yet only means to maim, not kill other people in the office.

Yesterday, Sweetie Pie and I are talking and of course, Little Man gets brought up, because seriously, how could anyone go two minutes without talking about the amazingness that is our child.

I mentioned that when Little Man is playing in the gym when I pick him up, he's been running like such a mad man, that his hair is all soaked and he's thirsty when I get in the car, but luckily, I usually have a cup of milk for him.

"How do you have milk for him in the afternoon?"

Me, without skipping a beat "Well, in the morning he usually finishes his breakfast in the car, and he hardly ever finishes his cup of milk. So I just leave it in the cupholder in the car so that he can finish it after school."

Cue Sweetie Pie giving me the most horrified look in the world and mentally trying to figure out if he can remove my half of the genes in the new baby.

Good thing I left out the part about the moth infestation in my car and how I serve the moths I catch on crackers to Little Man for a protein-packed on-the-go breakfast.

Love,

Catwoman.

18 comments:

Kellie said...

A litle warm, lumpy milk with moth topped crackers never hurt anyone. Tell Sweetie Pie it's far better than giving Little Man the warm wine and raw fish YOU eat in the car on the way to work ;)

AndreAnna said...

It's like cottage cheese - so much protein! Throw some of those moths on a cracker and you have a gourmet snack in Malaysia.

Stephanie said...

Calcium is Calcium right? Haha!

Morgan Leigh said...

bwahahah.

I don't have any words- but my husband would've believed me, too, had I said something like that. teeheehee.

Julie said...

(Gagging)

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Um, yeah. So, uh, yeah. OK, I'll confess: that has happened FOR REAL to us. Alexis insisted on taking her cup with her in the morning, I forgot about it, and she had it to her mouth that afternoon before I could catch on to the madness. She lived, so it must not be that big of a deal.

the planet of janet said...

so WHY has it taken me so long to get over here? who the heck knows.

anyway, hi.

and no one ever died from leftover milk and moths.

unless they did.

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

What's funny? I can so picture him doing that. How has he not figured you out yet?

Marmarbug said...

LMAO! I would have told him that sometimes you let him drive you back from the gym as well.

Karen said...

I just found two cups in the van the other day. After our littlest one took a sip from each to see what was in them. He's still alive, thank goodness.

Gerbil said...

You know, my DH does pretty close to that to make kefir. Seriously. I told him it was his very LIFE if he didn't mark that jug to prevent my ever accidentally even opening it.

Emma in Canada said...

Reading those comments made me want to throw up.

Sandy said...

you know, my mom always gave my kids yogurt after swimming lessons. I just assumed she bought it. Now I'm wondering...lol.

Lynsey said...

Delish!

Rachel said...

Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do when you're on the go!

jempress said...

i am like your DH, and my DH is like you. He says stuff like that to me all the time - and after all these years I still fall for it. i would have believed you too, ah!!!

squishytushy said...

J wouldn't have gotten past me letting the kids EAT in the CAR!!

abritdifferent said...

I've been here before, I KNOW I have, I recognise your masthead. (No, that wasn't some sick perverted jab at something pregnancy-related).

Anyway, I did that kinda stuff to my MUM. Our littlest one (15 mos) was asleep in the back of our rental car in Scotland (we got back last month). My DH said, "you wanna get Cameron?" I said with my most nonchalant voice and face, "Nah, leave him there, he's asleep." She looked at me with Granny desperation in her eyes and I smirked. "I NEVER KNOW WHETHER YOU'RE JOKING OR NOT!"

Sorry for my absence, I'll be back again for more. Plus, wouldn't want to tick off a pregnant woman...