Thursday, April 24, 2008

Saltine Crackers Are My New Best Friend

Here are the places I've lost my cookies the past couple of days:

- The parking lot at work
- Little Man's school's bathroom
- The trashcan in my cube

None of these places are places that I would normally consider appropriate to throw up in.

This morning, I figured that since my all-carb strategy and my all-protein strategy had both failed miserably, I would try an all-saltines strategy.

So I sat in front of the Today Show this morning and ate half a sleeve of Saltine crackers. Once all the moisture had been removed from my mouth, I decided this project was a success. Half an hour later, I dared to eat six strawberries.

And guess what? This morning? There has been no violent nausea that has decided to remove the content of my intestines via my esophagus.

I was starving half an hour ago, so I went downstairs to our cafeteria and got me a smoothie made with soy milk, peaches, mangos, strawberries, low-fat yogurt and a shot of protein powder. And can I tell you, yummy...

Who knows, maybe this nausea will actually help slow down my very alarming growth spurt. Because since my first appointment on week six, I am now exactly 10 pounds heavier as of yesterday, yikes! Should I continue this, I could gain an additional 40 or so pounds.

For some reason, it seems every other commercial on TV these days is Valerie Bertinelli looking really hot in a surfer girl outfit and grinning at me asking me if I've called Jenny yet. I keep yelling at her to leave me alone, that I will be calling her on January 1st 2009, dammit, but right now, I'm growing another human being, and if Doritos helps me do that, then Doritos it is.

On another note, Little Man got invited to his first birthday party at his new school. Since I don't know any of the kids in his class, because drop off happens at the gym rather than in the individual classrooms and Little Man refuses to acknowledge that he has any friends, because this would let us know that he is human, I looked at the invitation and I said to him "You're invited to Wyatt's birthday party, is Wyatt your friend?" Simply because I figured if Wyatt was Little Man's sworn enemy, I wasn't going to spend money on a present or my energy on a Saturday morning interacting with adults I don't know.

But all Little Man heard was "Blah blah birthday party blah blah Wyatt blah blah."

To which he responded "CAKE!!!!! There's going to be CAKE!!!!! I love CAKE!!!!!"

Because this is how Little Man says cake. It's not cake. It's CAKE!!!!!, always followed by five exclamation points.

And I said "yes, there will be. But is Wyatt your friend."

Little Man said "Yes, Wyatt's my friend because there's going to be CAKE!!!!! and I love CAKE!!!!!"

I long for the days where I considered people to be my friends just because they had cake.

Oh, wait. That's me now. Anyone with chocolate, cake, fried foods, salty foods and anything that tastes good with guacamole on it is now considered to be my friend.

Love,

Catwoman.

12 comments:

Krystyn said...

Amen to guacamole!

And the saltines...life savers!

I had them on my bed side table and would eat two every morning before getting up. It made the biggest difference.

I hope the next week or two things start to change.

Emma in Canada said...

I did the crackers on the beside table too. With a bit of water.

I'm with Little Man. People with cake must be friends.

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

Man, he's so easy to please! Good grief Little Man. Whoring out for cake, huh? You are certainly Mom's kiddo! Just kidding, love. Eat some saltines.

Julie said...

He is So your kid! : )

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

All it takes to secure my friendship is a bag of Peanut Butter Chex Mix (go ahead, mock me), a Snickers bar, and a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream. You can be the most annoying person on planet Earth, and all will be forgiven with that magical combo.

Good thing Little Man is much lower on the maintenance scale.

Daphne said...

hey, we all know it's about the CAKE!!!!! =)

squishytushy said...

mmm... cake. I so get your kid.

I accept dinner invitations based on the restaurant rather than the company. Really.

Poodlehead said...

nothing clever to say - you are just freaking funny.

Beccy said...

For a while a can of pepsi and cheesy wotsits worked for me...but only for a while then it was back to vomiting everywhere. The worst place was the London underground on a Monday morning, I looked like I had a hangover as the pregnancy didn't show.

I have delicious homemade cookies here...does that mean we're friends:-)

Joy T. said...

I'm eating an ice cream cone now while I'm catching up on blogs. Is that friend worthy? :o)

~Denise~ said...

That's totally the way to live life! How cute!

The Sports Mama said...

So ok. I followed you here from AFF's place, hoping to find someone new to stalk, um.. I mean, read, and I was happily reading along, laughing with the rest of the internet at the most recent posts.

Right up until you professed a liking of the slimy green goo that is guacamole.

Now? I might have to rethink this whole new stalking... I mean, reading thing.

However, both AFF and Burgh seem to be ok with you, and really... if I can overlook Burgh's sad tendency to like all 'Burgh related sports things (don't misunderstand... I love sports. BUT.. I'm not a big fan of the 'Burgh teams), well.... I can probably overlook the slimy green goo affinity you seem to have.

Nice to meet you! :)