Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Minus Six Months: My Letter to New Baby

So we're one-third of the way there, baby. And I've officially made it past the 12-week mark, the one that every pregnant woman feels like she can stop holding her breath completely, and yet not completely exhale until the actual birth is done.

I remember worrying most of my pregnancy with your big brother. First I worried about miscarrying. Then I worried about the baby staying in until the 25-week mark, which I knew was the earliest week it had a chance to survive, then I worried until week 30,which was the magical number with a 90 percent chance of survival. I'd like to say that I didn't worry those last nine weeks, but I'm sure that I did.

Somehow with you the worrying is worse. I guess when you feel you got lucky the first time, that you got a perfectly healthy baby, you worry more the second time, because you feel like you can't get as lucky the second time. So I guess, until the day they decide to forcibly remove you from my belly, I'll worry about you.

Can we talk about how much you're kicking my ass? I'm serious, child, I think I've thrown up more during the past month than I have in my entire university career. What is your deal? Why are you so angry with me? Is it because I tend to favor carbohydrates over any other food group?

This morning? Just the idea of brushing my teeth had me rush to the bathroom. And then, I dry heaved my way through the work parking lot, because I was thinking of this entry, and how I'd include in the entry that I threw up from thinking about brushing my teeth.

But you have also possessed me in other ways. The most shocking of all? Me, the hater of mayo, the one who uses just enough to wet the tuna in my tuna salad, well, I can no longer have French fries without dipping them in mayo. It's not an urge, it's a need that shakes me to my core, like my need for oxygen. I believe this makes you pretty powerful. With your brother, I loved to eat tortilla chips with sour cream, but the thing is that I'd always loved that combination, so nothing out of the ordinary there. But you, you have managed to take control of my taste buds, of my brain and of everything rational in me and turn me into a Dutch person. I'm telling you right now that I ain't switching my Steve Madden's for wooden shoes. This is where I draw the line kid.

During the past few days, I've started to feel you move. It's freaky to me that it's so early, but even more bizarre is just how much you move. Especially after meals, it's like you're doing a happy dance of whoo-hoo, calories! And I can't blame you. If it weren't for the fact that I work in a big office, I'd probably dance around too every time I ate.

Only two more month until we find out if you'll be wearing pink dresses every day or your brother's hand-me-downs. I still flip flop a lot about what you are. Yesterday, I was staring at your last sonogram picture and I thought your profile showed the face of a boy. But then, I remembered you wiggling like crazy during that sonogram and I figured you must be a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.

Either way, it doesn't matter. Just stay in there as long as you can, ok? Although I'm dying to meet you, I really don't intend for it to be until October. I swear, if you even try to come before October, you are so grounded, buster.




Jesse said...

I loved your letter and I can't wait to find out if you're having a boy or a girl.

Krystyn said...

Cute letter. Hopefully, the puking subsides, soon! Most people I know it ends around 13 weeks, so here's hoping.

I've been wondering if I'm feeling flutters, but I just can't tell yet! I'm jealous!

Emma in Canada said...

I have it on great authority (my own) that the ones that cause trouble during pregnacny are usually pretty freaking good babies. I'm crossing my fingers for you!

Kathryn said...

Very cute.

Anonymous said...

Please don't let your child be a Cowboys cheerleader! Ugh. And, I hope the mayo isn't the reason for the quease?

Have you told work yet??

AndreAnna said...

The second ones DO kick your ass much worse. In a variety of ways.

I'm at the "27 week mark praying for 30 weeks" because then I can completely stop worrying, and wish without guilt that this damn pregnancy was over already.

I hope your second trimester is better for you!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Emma said what I was going to say: the really bad in utero kids are the ones that are shockingly good once they are finally forced out. I know that one for a fact.

She (my money is on a girl) is just throwing fits about the whole leaving Hawaii thing, btw. If you would have stayed there, there would be no vomit.

jempress said...

aww, i love your letter and it makes me so excited for you and i can't wait to meet this new little one! do the game thingy too so I can guess the gender :). i find out tomorrow @ 9:30 AM, woo hoo!

Nina Diane said...

I have my fingers crossed for pink dresses. I so think you need a princess!

monster's momma said...

I don't remember the sono...email it to me!!!
(I vote girl...)

Lynsey said...

Ahhh the strong-willed one :)

Anonymous said...

I vote girl! She's strong-willed, too. Either way, that baby will be a handfull. :)

Rachel said...

Pink dresses all tha way!