Thursday, April 03, 2008

Love Means Never Having Saggy Boobies

Last night, Sweetie Pie and I were watching Moment of Truth. Admitting to watching Moment of Truth is a lot like admitting publicly that I have crabs, I know, but for the sake of this story, I'm willing to share with you this dirty secret.

For those of you who haven't watched Moment of Truth, it just might be the scummiest, yuckiest show on television. It makes Jerry Springer look like it was directed by Martin Scorsese. The concept is simple. People sit in a chair and are asked incredibly personal questions by a scummy host (formerly of Temptation Island, so he's made a career of nasty television) and if they're caught in a lie, they lose all of the money. How do we know they are telling the truth? Because before the show, they were asked 50 questions while strapped to a lie detector, and the producers picked the 21 juiciest questions to use on the show. Questions have ranged from things like "Do you hope that you don't end up looking like your mother?" to "Do you regret marrying your husband?" to "Have you ever stolen money from your job?" and of course, just to make things more fun, family members and friends are given front row to the person's interrogation so they can feel the humiliation that the contestant is obviously unable to feel.

These people admit their deepest darkest secrets for $500,000. I'm not sure if there's any amount of money that could make me admit in front of all of America that I was kind of slutty at some point (even though, I technically do it for free here, but my face isn't posted all over this blog and my readership is not in the millions), but maybe I just don't understand how $500,000 (really about $250,000 or $300,000 after taxes) could change my life. And boy golly am I glad I don't.

Last night was the season finale, and this supposedly Mormon woman admitted to doing things while her husband was out of town that he would be horrified about, that she's had men in the house while he's been gone, that she regrets marrying him, and much more.

Once again, Sweetie Pie and I watched, partly because there's nothing else on at this time, partly because I feel so disgusted when I'm done watching this show, that I'm reminded of how great my life really is.

Because this was the season finale (thank God!!!!), they did updates of previous contestants. One update totally made my night.

A man had previously appeared and brought his wife to sobbing multiple times when he admitted to having fantasies about one of her sisters, that he'd bumped uglies with one of his friends wives, that he didn't think his wife was the prettiest of all the women he'd dated and much, much more. The deep-voice announcer guy tells us that the man and his wife are still together, but that they are going through a period of healing and trying to work things out if they can. He then reminds us that the scummy man won $100,000 and tells us that the winning scummy man has decided to use part of his earnings to buy his wife breast implants.

Yes, nothing says "I forgive you" like giant new perky boobies.

I know that if my husband admitted really, really horrible things to me, the fastest way to get back into my good graces is new knockers.

Love,

Catwoman.

20 comments:

Krystyn said...

The things we'll do for love!

Won't we all take back scummy men just for a new rack (or in the case of those of us that nursed, just a lift)!

Blue Momma said...

I figure if you go on that show you probably have one foot out the door of your marriage already. Might as well walk on out with $500k.

I personally would much rather have a scummy man give me a tummy tuck than boobs. Though right now my tummy holds up my saggy boobs so maybe I should rethink that.....

Julie said...

I've always wanted to watch that show - I enjoy watching train wrecks. I think it conflicts with favorite train wreck though - WifeSwap.

Snappy said...

I saw it last night and I was sooo shocked (but not really) at the questions and answers and how they can just sit there and smile! OMG!! They should re-name the show "The Fast-Track to Divorce".

beautyishere said...

I've only watched the show once. I looked at my husband and said, "If you *ever*, *ever*, *ever*, go on that show and tell people that you think I'm ugly. I will bitch slap you."

New boobies might fix it though.

Nina Diane said...

we don't watch that one.....watched the first one and Johnny boy said he just couldn't stomach watching more idiots on TV.....and as always, another funny post!

mumof4 said...

yeah I caught it once and was flabbergasted at the concept. No amount of money in the world could make me do that show

ie said...

This post is hilarious. I loved the crabs reference.

And it doesn't look like I will ever watch that show, cuz I feel kinda pukey just imagining how it would feel to spill your guts for money! Is nothing sacred anymore? Yeesh. I shudder to think how low we can go.

Emma in Canada said...

I much prefer Wife Swap myself. I have watched that show a couple of time and I will never forget the hose saying about the blonde chick with the husband she wished she hadn't married how he was so uncomforatble with this episode and how he wishes they didn't have to air it. HA! Whatever.

Though I will admit to a deep love of Temptation Island. How I miss that show!

Lynsey said...

Ha ha love it!

Anonymous said...

This show is pretty much unbearable to watch with all the canned "oooh's and ahhhh's" they have the audience make throughout. Even if the questions they ask aren't that personal or revealing, the audience still makes a big deal about them. Rediculous.

I honestly don't know what the big deal is about telling your significant other they're not the most handsome/prettiest person you've dated or the part of their body you like least and why. So what if you've thought your partner's friends were attractive? If those kind of questions/answers were to hurt a relationship there'd obviously be bigger problems to address. In a good relationship both partners either already know that kinda junk and/or don't really care.

And btw, noone wants to look like their mother when they get older unless their mother is a model or celeb (and probably not even then).

Just my 2 cents.

AndreAnna said...

I can't even bring myself to watch it because I read an article that says it was scripted and the people were casted and paid to appear.

Oh, that and it makes me weep for humanity. lol

Heza Hekele said...

Now I'm wishing that I would have watched that show...my mother told me to! But I don't listen very well...

Kathryn said...

Wow. Classy show. And I was ashamed to admit that I watch The Real World once in a while. ;)

Kathy said...

I have crabs too!!! I mean...I watch Moment of Truth that is. But I have to tell ya, I love it! Those people are CRAZY! I mean really, if you're gonna go on a show like that you best sit down and have a healthy heart to heart with your man. What are they thinking!?!

Oh and "bump uglies"???? Classic.

confusedtwenty said...

DO you reckon the wife was desperate? Or perhaps she doesn't have very good friends or family to tell her to get the heck out of that relationship!

We have the same show in Britain, its called Nothing But The Truth, is on pay-for-TV (so most of the population doesn't see it), and is hosted by....JERRY SPRINGER!

I wasn't very impressed by the questions to be honest. But this might be because 99.9% of me thinks that the people who would agree to put themselves in a hot seat such as this are complete and total losers.

Oh, and the price money here is a measly £100,000 ($50,000 more or less)

That Chick Over There said...

New boobies wouldn't be enough for me.

squishytushy said...

Your recap has totally made me want to see this show.

That's bad. Right?

Rachel said...

I mean, yeah, that would do it for me.

Ms. Porter said...

I haven't seen it but heard about it...wow eh? Clearly these people had no idea what they were getting themselves into, but also lets face it, they found people who are equally as scuzzy as the show....must tune in if it's on again (hee hee)