Friday, March 14, 2008

Flashback

So the other day, when I was at the doctor's office, my doctor handed me this big Enfamil bag filled with magazines, brochures, a book and more samples of prenatal vitamins and other stuff than I could ever dream of.

I was excited because one, I'm a whore for free stuff (although, not in an Elliot Spitzer kind of way) and two, well, there is no two now that I think about it. I just like free stuff, the end.

That bag brought back the most vivid flashback of my first pregnancy, at my first appointment at the birthing center. There, I didn't get all sorts of free samples, which if I'd known what I was missing out on, I would have reconsidered my birthing strategy.

We did, however, get a plastic baby, that was supposedly exactly the same size as our 12-week along baby.

I was so excited to have that little plastic baby. I put it in my purse and showed it to all of the family.

A few days later, I went outside, and there, sitting in the grass in the backyard, was the plastic baby, with his skull chewed open.

I flipped out, because what kind of mother leaves her baby sitting around, so that her dogs get a hold of it and they eat it and suck out its brain?

I cried to Sweetie Pie that I couldn't do this, I was obviously not cut out to be a mother and what if our dogs really did eat the baby? How would we live with ourselves?

Of course, everything worked out fine. Our dogs, both the ones at the time and our current ones have shown that they are only interested in chewing up fake babies, not real ones. But I'd completely forgotten about that plastic baby until my appointment.

As I grabbed my bag of goodies from my doctor, I giggled at the memory and, of course, since I'm an over-sharer in real life as I am online, I had to tell her the horrific story of that poor plastic baby.

I knew I'd picked the right doctor when she laughed as hard as I did.

I actually posted about that story a few months after Little Man was born. But the post had zero comments, so I figure, it's new for all of you suckers who've somehow gotten into the bad habit of not only reading me, but of commenting too.

And can I say how much more fun it is to tell a story when people actually react to it?

Love,

Catwoman.<\

19 comments:

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

It is more fun when people react to it, you're right. I have to say, I've never heard of someone getting a plastic baby at their appointment. You were robbed the first time around, woman. ROBBED. You can get a cheap plastic hunk of junk at the dollar store, but those prenatal vitamins, they are like gold. Disgusting, smelly, gold.

BTW, I knew I had picked the right doctor when she flat out told me the $6 bottle of prenatal vitamins at Target was exactly the same as the $25 bottle my prescription was going to get me. I like my doctors cheap like me.

Cass said...

I feel somewhat cheated. I received no such free stuff kit or even a plastic baby. The only thing I get from my doctors office is a cup to pee in.

Morgan Leigh said...

I feel cheated as well. Free stuff? WTH?!? I got stuff from online companies (I swear to Goodness every formula company on the planet sent me free sample containers of the dry stuff that you mix with water- which I sold for $10 a piece...) but I never, evereverever got stuff from the hospital or the OBGYN.

I should get pregnant again and come hit your doctor up for some free junk. :)

AndreAnna said...

I got tons of free stuff at the hospitals I toured deciding which one to have my baby in. I dirty love free stuff.

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

YOU? Like FREE?? NOOO! Not Ms. Consignment junkie! I love her, too. She's smart & young a great doctor combination.

tyfamilyadventures said...

I loved all the free stuff.It was always fun to go home and go through it all.I didn't get the plastic baby though.Atleast it makes for a funny story.

Ms. Porter said...

That is one sick story, good thing I have a sick sense of humour!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Remind me NEVER to ask you to babysit my plastic dachshund, plastic husband or plastic Tupperware collection!!

Hallie :)

Stefanie said...

Okay, this may sound weird but...do you want to send your dog to eat one of my babies? Not both, but just one? It would be a win-win. Your dog could even take the meatier one. I'm a sport that way. I should mention the meatier one is also teething already so it would really really help me out.

Rachel said...

I haven't even gone to read the story yet, but I lost.my.shit when I read about the plastic baby in this post!!!!

my minivan is faster than yours said...

I have to say, I think Satan's Dog is getting a bad rap around here. I bet he wasn't even the one who ate your baby's brains!

Kellie said...

I got a ton of free crap. The best part was in the hospital. When I pre-registered and toured the place, they gave me diaper bags loaded with formula and diapers and wipes and booger suckers and whatver else. One of my favorite nurses after Morgan was born gave us five more of the bags.

Free stuff is the bomb!

Nina Diane said...

you're not alone.....I love any free stuff! and love the story..

Gerbil said...

All I can think to ask is... DID you shriek "A dingo ate my baby???"

That Chick Over There said...

I feel cheated too. But in a different way.

And a plastic baby? WTF?

Poodlehead said...

Gerbil's comment about a dingo ate my baby made me LOL right after I LOL'd to your brainless baby lump story. Good times, good times.

Kathryn said...

Ah yes. The horrors of a first time mom. It is fun to look back and laugh. :)

Joy T. said...

LOVE free stuff. And magazines. Well anyway. I would have traded all my free preggy stuff for one plastic baby. That is so cool!

Karin's Korner said...

That is absolutely hilarious!! I love free stuff to but of coarse when I was having babies (my youngest is 20) we didn't get shit except a congrats...you are having a baby and when you are going to the doctor to talk about getting your tubes tied and he walks into the office and tells you that yes, you can get your tubes tied but it will have to wait until you have this child that you are carrying the free stuff would have helped :)