Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Vomit, Pee And No Poop

So I'm backed up again. I share this with you because I'm in pain and the only way for me to revel is to have friends and strangers squirm at the thought that my intestines are currently backed up with pounds of poop.

Because this hurts. And I'm cranky and nauseous too, none of which are making me any happier.

I went to sleep at 7:30 last night, that's how worn out I felt. I think it's fair to say something's going on with me, and on Thursday, I better find out when I pee on a stick that this is because I'm pregnant, because or else, it means I'm sick or just getting old, none of which will make my mood any better.

This morning, we were woken up by Satan's Dog throwing up at 5 a.m. Because I was sick, I wasn't able to get to him promptly, clamp my hand around his snout and drag him to the back door, so of course, by the time my slow-ass husband got to the dog, he had already vomited on my cream-colored carpet his entire dinner and some blades of grass.

Either the dog is the most moronic creature on Earth and eats bad stuff that makes him sick, or else he's just got the weakest stomach of anyone.

So we cleaned up the vomit and went back to sleep for 45 minutes.

And just because my morning didn't have enough bodily fluids involved, Little Man peed on the living room carpet this morning, after I pulled off his night diaper and went to throw it out in the trash (something we've done every day for over a year, might I add, without any issues). I come back to see a puddle at Little Man's feet and him just staring at the stream of urine coming out of his wee-wee.

When he saw me looking at him, he just went "ohhhh! I made a mess!"

You think?




Morgan Leigh said...

Aww, Catwoman, I'm so sorry. ((hugs)) I hope you feel better soon. :)

Anonymous said...

If it's any consolation, I'm backed up, too. So, I feel your pain. Literally.

Ugh to dog vomit.

Sandy said...

Well, I'm old and I'm not backed up, so that can't be it.

Don't you feel better now that you know that? I didn't think so.

Feel better soon and dogs are just stupid, messy, nasty, smelly creatures. Did you know that I call your dog Cerebus in my head when I think of him?

Sorry that you're sick and that Little Man lost his frickin' mind this morning.

Sandy said...

I need to proofread. Cerberus.

random_mommy said...

I love how the toddler knows how to put the icing on the cake on a day like this!
Is the poop back-up why you haven't posted as much lately? I miss you.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

At least one of you still knows how to relieve themselves.

Good luck with the pooping, really. Cuz being backed up is the worst, especially with a toddler around who will, I'm sure, mention the word poop at least 5,976,250 times. They all do (and if they don't, please don't tell me).

AndreAnna said...

What a craptastic morning. Hope your day goes better and you feel better soon.

Beccy said...

I think that was a bad morning for you, I hope your day gets better.

Becca said...

Can you take the test early???

I feel your dog pain. I just noticed a stream, and I mean stream of dog pee that stretches from my bathroom door to the entrance to by bedroom. And when it's all curved and zig zagged, it's a royal pain in the ass to clean. Apparently instead of squatting nicely he decided to pee and walk, trot, run all at the same time.

CPA Mom said...

That's frustrating I know! My 3 year old has been trained a while and just peed herself last night while watching T.V. I was like - why did you pee in your pants?! and her response? I didn't! I peeded in my underwear!

crossing my fingers for the test!!

Stephanie said...

I stumbled across your blog today and have been reading for a while now. Good Luck with your test!! Hopefully that's the reason for all the stoppage!

Emma in Canada said...

Sorry about the backing up issue. Tis the shits.

Julie said...

Colace my friend, you need Colace.

A's Mom said...

Oh, I'm crossing my fingers for you that this means you are pregnant!

Anonymous said...

Egads woman. I'm sorry you are still feeling the blocking. And, what is up with that dog? The sweet boy child made a mess? Shocker.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

You had the trifecta of bodily fluids. Poop, pee and vomit. Well, no poop but hopefully you'll get there. I've only got mucus and a throat that feels like lava is flowing in it.


Suzie said...

Nothing like dog vomit to top it all off. I feel your pain as another stain appears on the carpet of life.

Rachel said...

Man, that dog is a sissy. ;)

Everytime my tummy hurts now, I think about that post you did about LM being all backed up and shit. I wonder if I got it all out if I would lose 10 pounds?

*leaves to buy an enema*

Karen said...

Sounds like a day that I've had. Yikes. Here's hoping that things shift intestinally soon. And the dog gets a galvanized gut. We've got way too many dark spots on our rug thanks to the dogs and kids.

Ms. Porter said...

well....if you are feeling like 'shit' (sorry) and preggers...than it's worth it right? it is. get some ground flax seed into you along with a few litres of water, some prunes, and some apricot nectar...you will be cleaned out (ew) in six to eight hours guaranteedeeee. Oh and if you do eat/drink all that...don't sit on the cream rug in case...well you know.

Joy T. said...

I hope we get to read on here next that the test is positive and all the backed up poopiness, crankiness and nauseousness is worth it. Very exciting!

Rachel said...

I can say I LITERALLY feel your pain. I've had that problem basically since birth, and one thing ALWAYS fixes it, no matter what. I'll warn you: it tastes like death, but when you're in that kind of pain you stop caring, right?

Here's what to do:
1. Buy a Gerber bottle of prune juice. (because it's the exact right measurement)
2. Buy milk of magnesia.
3. Pour the juice into a microwave-safe cup along with whatever dosage the MoM gives and stir.
4. Microwave until warm.
5. Drink it. Fast.
6. Wait, and feel relieved even before it starts working, because you'll know the pain is about to end.
7. Oh - do NOT do this if you need to leave the house in the next couple of hours. A girl needs her own throne, ya know!

Hope this helps...