Monday, February 25, 2008

Hormonal Undercurrent

I'm sorry I didn't post on Friday. Hopefully none of you worried, as I've discovered that the best way to break new posting records is to tell the Internet that you are with child.

A part of me wishes I could announce that every week, just so I could feel the tingly warm feeling of bathing in comments.

So let's try this again! I'm pregnant!

What? It's not news anymore, well whewy to you then.

This pregnancy has so far been uneventful, all 5 days of it since I've known. This makes me happy, because uneventful is good. I've been peeing on pregnancy tests and they keep telling me what I like to hear, and my uterus has started its quest of growing as large are the moon and already I look close to 12 weeks pregnant. I'm not freaking kidding. On Friday, between breakfast and lunch, my waist expanded by about 10 inches. One of the two coworkers I've told had her eyeballs fall out of her eye sockets when I went to see her to gossip after a couple of hours of non-stop working. She said to me "I hope this doesn't offend you in any way, but it's like you got bigger and I can practically see you expanding."

Not only was I not offended, I laughed heartily, because seriously, I'm looking like I might start waddling by next week.

The race is on as to when I'll start needing maternity pants and I'm going to try to make it to 8 weeks. Just for fun.

Although, I do have cute Seven for all Mankind maternity jeans I got for cheap on eBay, so really, I might not try too hard to make it to 8 weeks to wear those.

My farting problems have subsided, I'm happy to announce, even more thrilled is Satan's Dog, who's lost most of his facial fur from walking too close behind me. I'm telling you without any exaggeration that the EPA considered condemning our house due to the level of toxic gases I released last week.

But beneath all of this happiness, I can feel the stirring. The stirring of the hormones, the ones that had me throwing fits during my pregnancy with Little Man that would make any Hollywood diva consider packing it up. And I'm frightened. Because losing it with my husband, well, he probably deserves it. But my toddler and all of his energy, and his love of the word no and his crazy demands (like wanting to eat yogurt on the TV. No, I'm not making that up. I told him he could eat it in front of the TV, but he got pissed, because he literally wanted me to put the Dora yogurt container on the base of our 37" LCD television. What the???), well, I need to keep the hormones under the wraps and not let my head do that 360 spinning thing while spewing pea soup like I did with my last pregnancy.

My first doctor's appointment is on March 11th at 7:15. When the receptionist said 7:15, I paused for a second and said "p.m.?" to which she said no, they're not open at night. So I paused, hesitated and said "a.m.?" because surely, there must be another 7:15, one that's in the middle of the day, not the 7:15 when most roosters are up early in the morning.

But hey, what better way to spend an early morning than with a big piece of cold metal up your vijayjay.




AndreAnna said...

Luckily, I never really had the hormonal swings, but I did have the get-huge-within-seconds effect of the second baby. I think I *just* made it to 8 weeks and then was in full maternity clothes.

I am looking forward to hearing the news from your appt!

Elle said...

Enjoy your speculum.... at 7:15 am LOL.

Don't worry about the expandable tummy - it's a good cause!

Blue Momma said...

Bring on the hormones! I can't wait to see the little girl version of Little Man. Because it must be a girl. I'm living vicariously through you, so a girl it is. Ok? Please?

You should take weekly pics so we can see you progress. (Can I get more weird or stalkerish? I don't think so.)

Morgan Leigh said...

Um....ouch. I hate *HATE* the first checkup when pregnant. Is it just me or do those things hurt worse when you are pregnant? I mean, really.

And at 7:15? Good Gosh! Haven't they heard of "morning sickness"? Geesh.

Krystyn said...

7:15 with a cold speculum and an internal ultrasound...that's too damn early. They should have to pay you at that hour!

I hope it's not as bad as I remember!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

If Satan's Dog would stop shoving his nose up your rear, he might still have some fur on his face. I know this from experience.

7:15? You have GOT to be kidding. There is no way I could start my day out like that. When will you have time for all the extra cleaning and scrubbing and trimming that goes into that first appointment? Oh wait, maybe that's just me.

Beccy said...

Well my tummy is expandly every second and I've no excuse!

That 7.15am appointment sounds like a bit of an ordeal...but well worth it!

Sandy said...

The sooner that men, even little men, learn about mood swings, the better. They can run faster at LilMan's age than at his dad'

Anonymous said...

When I first found out I was pregnant with Morgan, I swear the CEO of E.P.T. retired early due to the hug increase in sales. No joke: I peed on a stick TWICE a day from week 5 (when I first found out) through week 13.

Start taking weekly belly shots and posting them. Please?

Anonymous said...

Can I take the belly shots? And, when are we meeting to schedule our attack of the consignment sale? I think a cup of joe & a cold metal rod shoved up your ass sounds like a pleasant morning. And, I just spent $5 to say that - so you better appreciate it?!!!

Anonymous said...

Just yesterday I was in Gymboree, and there was a little boy - around 5 yrs old - sitting ON the TV. And I thought to myself, "Self, that's gonna be Michael in a few years..." Looks like you got it early!

As for the 7:15 AM appointment... they didn't have ANYTHING the next day???

And I can't believe you have Seven for all Mankind maternity jeans. Me? I lived in Lululemon for my entire second pregnancy... and continued to, ummm... today. The very same pair.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Nothing like cold medal in your hoo haa to wak you up in the morning!!

Congrats on the prego status again - I will congratulate you as much as you want to tell me! Each time you say I'M PREGNANT I'll say YEAH FOR PREGO!!

Hallie :)

Rachel said...

We are going to need to see proof of said baby belly.

Girl, I was the queen of raging hormones while I was pregnant! I am amazed that I still had a husband and other children by them time Alyssa was born! Good luck!

Julie said...

Who are you kidding- you'd be at the appt at 5:15am if they wanted you! : )

Emma in Canada said...

What? You're pregnant? Where have I been? You might need to announce it again tomorrow, so it sinks in to my thick head.

And is this the appointment where they shock you with a swab up the bum?

susan said...

7:15 holy good golly.
Good luck reigning in the hormones...especially with a toddler. ;)
I can't wait to hear the tales you'll have to tell!
We need to get together soon before I temporarily move out to BFE (otherwise known as arlington).

Joy T. said...

You keep announcing it and I'll keep cheering. Because babies rock and...they smell nice too. And that right there is celebration enough.

Slick said...

I steer clear of them hormonal women.....surely your husband has already learned his lesson by now :)

You can announce it every post and I'll still think it's awesome news!

Daphne said...

my belly was the opposite. I got big really fast with my first, of course I gained 64 pounds. (I was 20 pounds underweight then though)
With my 2nd, I only gained 20 and barely showed until I was 20 weeks.
I think I just got lucky, lol.
Good Luck at the Dr. appt., maybe it won't be too cold, lol.

Anonymous said...

OMG, you're pregnant? OMG OMGOMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!

there...did that make you feel better?

i say, there is no better way to start the morning than having your labia being pried apart by someone about to insert a shiny object!!!

Kathryn said...

It is all just so exciting. It makes me want another one right now. I just love being pregnant.
Although when I was pregnant and had two toddlers running around I must admit I did act like a lunatic from time to time. Crazy hormones!
Good luck at the Dr appointment and keep us posted!

M said...


Why don't you tell me to check your fucking blog you knocked up hussy?!


Announce it weekly, would you? Because it will always be exciting news to me.

I am so so so so so so pleased!