Monday, February 11, 2008

Complete and Utter Terror

I had this horrible dream last week that robbers had broken into the house and killed Sweetie Pie.

I woke up to Little Man crying and screaming for me, and when I looked next to me, half awake and confused, I saw that Sweetie Pie was missing. My heart stopped, as I realized that this must not have been a dream, that Sweetie Pie really had been killed and now, they were going after my son.

I jumped out of bed and began to run up the stairs. I did this at lightning speed, the only thing on my mind being the need to save my son, but there were two flaws in my plan. Flaw number one: I was clutching absolutely no weapon of any kind. Flaw number two: I was buck naked, and as I ran up the stairs, my boobies were threatening to knock me out and my stomach flab flapped in the wind.

I ran into Little Man's room and as I did so, Sweetie Pie, who was replacing Little Man's covers on him, looked at me a little confused.

When I realized that the whole thing had in fact been a dream and that Little Man's crying was just coincidental, my knees actually buckled. Luckily, any risk of falling would have been broken by my still jiggling boobies, that had been slung over my shoulders.

I may not have had any weapons with me, but I think any robber would have run out of the house screaming at the sight of my naked disheveled body, with my thighs glued together from my earlier tryst in our efforts to get pregnant.

Who needs castle laws when you've got my naked body as the ultimate weapon?

Love,

Catwoman.

21 comments:

Joy T. said...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this post. What a horrible feeling to wake up to, yet boobies flying in the night...well I can't help it. It's just plain funny!

Julie said...

you and your imagination! glad all was well though.

Kellie said...

I know it's wrong to laugh at someone's horrible dream, but if you want us to take it seriously, you have to work on how you tell it.

Seriously.

Boobies over shoulders and thighs locked up tighter than Fort Knox.

Hehe.

Sandy said...

and whatever it was that you had to eat or drink that night? Don't do it again!

AndreAnna said...

You are too funny! My boobies are too little to flap in the wind, let alone throw over my shoulder, but anyone running nekkid is just not a pretty thing.

Glad it was just a dream though.

Daphne said...

omgosh! I hate dreams like that!!

Emma in Canada said...

I must be an awful mother because even if I was quite sure my kids were being kidnapped I would get dressed first. Though I suppose my being naked might frighten them away.

CPA Mom said...

I was ok until I got to the part about your thighs being glued together then I just lost it. I cannot.stop.laughing.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Woohoo! I'm not the only one whose stomach flab flaps in the wind! That makes me so happy, really.

Rachel said...

After all that, man I hope you're pregnant.

Morgan Leigh said...

Wow. Just wow.

Sorry I laughed, but I couldn't help it.

J said...

I had a dream like that this morning. I hate it when that happens. But running naked through the house? Too funny.

Fingers crossed for you TTC. We are, also. (And, as luck would have it, also in Texas.)

Ms. Porter said...

Poor thing, but I'm laughing about your description of your nudie patudie body.

Nina Diane said...

oh man........I hate when that happens!

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

Now that is an image I can't get outta my head. Oh, YOU! Only you!

A's Mom said...

That is too funny!! I can only imagine what your hubby said to you as you walked back to your room.

Poodlehead said...

I did that as a kid (minus the nudity and sperm thighs) - woke up and thought my mom was taken by giant spiders. Tore through the house crying. I hate that.

Haphazardkat said...

Primal Mom--hear her roar!

Kat said...

Ah, those dreams that make you run naked through the house with sticky thighs and flapping boobs are a killer! I promise not to tell my husband why I'm laughing. :)

Squishy Tushy said...

And after reading this? My thought?

Damn... I wish I could still fling my boobs over my shoulders.

After you nurse kid #2, you'll know what I mean.

(But, strange coincidence, J had a nightmare JUST LAST NIGHT where Emma was kidnapped... woke him out of a sound sleep, totally freaked out...)

curlygin78 said...

WOW! I've never literally laughed out loud at someone's post before.

Congratulations! You rock!