Monday, January 07, 2008

Still Got It

So, I? Apparently can have any man I want.

Well, let me rephrase that slightly. I can have any man I want, as long as the man I want works at the mall.

On Friday night, Sweetie Pie was out of town, so after work, I picked up Little Man and decided we'd head to the mall, so I could salivate against the store windows, in my ongoing efforts to not spend any money this month, take Little Man to the play area and then maybe have some dinner.

We got to the mall and because the play area was crowded, my shy Little Man refused to go in. So we sat on the side and watched the children play. After 15 minutes, when Little Man had still refused to get in, I decided we would just leave. We walked around the mall a little bit and that's when Little Man spotted my worst nightmare.

I'm talking about those little push cars that they rent at the mall. I've never looked into them before, because Little Man used to be in a stroller back then and now usually just walks or gets us to carry him. But that's before he would actually spot things and then actually ask for them. And so Little Man saw the red push cars and he had to have one. "I ride in red car? I ride in red car?" he pleaded, the way he might if his life was depending on me giving in to this all-important request.

Two issues. One, I had absolutely no money on me. Only my bank card and credit card. I never have cash on me, and the machine only took cash to free those stupid cars. Second of all, when I looked at the price, it was freaking five dollars to rent one, which are you kidding me? I can get some crack for that price, which would surely be more enjoyable than pushing my child in a ridiculous looking car for a few minutes.

And so I told Little Man through his incessant pleas that I had no money and that he could sit in the car, but I couldn't push him because the car was stuck. And that's when a young and cute security guard walked by, spotted us and asked Little Man if he wanted a car. I explained to the guard that I had no cash and that my son was just going to have to deal.

But the cute security guard said it wasn't a problem, took out a key, opened the control box and freed a car for my son. I told Little Man to thank him and Little Man silently thanked the universe for making him so cute that even perfect strangers give in to his incessant begging.

And so for the next 15 minutes, I pushed the stupid free car around in heels that had been killing me since about 10:08 that morning.

I eventually managed to convince Little Man to get out of the car and when I returned it, wouldn't you know it that the machine gives you a dollar back for putting the car back in place. Therefore, I made a dollar that night, whoo-hoo! It has since been deposited in Little Man's piggie bank, since technically he made that dollar with his mile-long eyelashes and perfect white teeth.

After dinner, Little Man and I were walking through the mall hand in hand, an activity that I figure in another year or two will go from being sweet to being hysterical, as I teach him the fine art of making fun of people who walk by us.

We passed those booths that sell all sorts of crap like painted hermit crabs and lotions made from space rocks. One booth in particular caught Little Man's eye. It had these psychedelic cut outs that had a design in the middle (like this one). Little Man stopped to oooh and aaah, reminding me that I have much still to teach him as far as good taste goes.

The booth guy pounced on us, and I told him that I was not going to buy one. And you know what he said? "That's ok, sexy mama." Excuse me?

I was wearing the coat that Sweetie Pie bought me for Christmas, which is off-white and glamorous looking and makes me look four sizes smaller, yet doesn't make my boobs look any smaller.

But I've figured out that should I be single and looking for some strange, the mall is the place for me at this point in my life. And who knows, maybe I'd get me a free wind spinner in the process.

Love,

Catwoman.

13 comments:

random_mommy said...

Damn. I was just about to post about the quadriplegic bum at the grocery store who yelled "Hey pretty lady! Is this the beer aisle?"

You are muy sexy. I wanna see the coat!!! Picture please.

beebop @ fantasticvoyage.wordpress.com said...

hey sexy lady, a free push car ride & a wind spinner thingy, that must be one hell of a coat! of course, it is one hell of a sexy mama wearing the coat!!!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

You must remind everyone frequently that you've still go it. I mean, damn, a free car AND a compliment? You go, girl.

Blue Momma said...

I think you should drop the Catwoman name and start going by Sexy Mama. If you've got it flaunt it, right?

Julie said...

Sexy Mama huh? Must be one damn hot looking coat.

OK, not that you aren't hot without it but you know what I mean.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

1. I know which mall you were at by the cut out thing. 2. the car over the carousel? What's wrong with him 3. When you are feeling low & need to get some serious "damn I've still got its," you know where to go!

Kellie said...

Woot!! You go :)

I? Need that coat. It's not cold in Texas, what the hell do you need a coat for? Send it to NY :)

Morgan Leigh said...

my story of being hit on twice by people at school today (once by a student and once by a professor) is not nearly as funny as your story! :) :)

Jesse said...

Go on and sturt your stuff sexy mama. I think you should post a pic of yourself in this coat. As for those carts at the mall-I hate them! They are so freaking huge that there's no way you can move that thing around in the stores.

Ms. Porter said...

I need me a little bit of a hit on because I haven't had that in a while.

Rachel said...

Go Catwoman!! You sexy mama you!!!

CPA Mom said...

who knows what you'd get next time, the sky is the limit - maybe even some of that sausage and cheese! Rock that coat.

M said...

dear cod. i read this way back when you posted it. then came back to do my once monthly commenting extravaganza and giggled my ass off again. dear cod i'm so jealous of you excessive hottness! so glad to know you've got "OPTIONS" wooo!!!