Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Last Ounce of Coolness Sucked Out of Me

We've been very good every since Little Man was roughly 12 months old at being careful with our vocabulary. There's obviously the obvious four-letter words, but then, because I live in the bible belt and my in-laws are very, very Baptist and I'm sure pray every night that I don't damn the souls of their son and grandchild, I'm careful not saying things like "hell" and "oh my God."

Little Man has always said "oh my gosh" or "oh my goodness", which he learned at school and I promptly adopted. To the point that I also use them at work when I don't go back into adult conversation mode quickly enough so that my coworkers think I'm some schizophrenic chick who's part sailor and part Laura Ingall from Little House on the Prairie.

In the past few days though, I've realized in the car that Little Man seems to say "Oh my God" instead of one of the G-versions mentioned before. Thinking I was just hearing things, I'd repeat back "oh my gosh!", because they do sound kind of close to each other, and in a moving Jeep Liberty with Rihanna blaring, it can be confusing to know which one was used.

The nagging feeling kept coming over me that he was saying OMG, and I asked Sweetie Pie "where the fuck do you think he got it from?"

(note: that right there, is called sarcasm, a skill I'm trying to teach Little Man as we speak.)

Sweetie Pie thought maybe one of his teachers at school was saying it, but that didn't sound right to me.

And then yesterday morning, on our way to school and work, listening to the radio, it hit me when Little Man suddenly exclaimed "Oh my God!" My morning radio show had just said "Oh my God!"

I quickly turned to Little Man and said "it's oh my gosh, silly boy!" And smiled and winked at him, like no big deal, you're still learning.

But as I paid more attention to the show, I came to realize that they used the word "hell" and "ass" and I don't listen to Howard Stern or anything, I'm listening to the most popular radio DJ in the Dallas area, who is listened by more carpooling moms and their kids than anyone else.

To which I want to say "what the hell?"

All of a sudden, I can't listen to them anymore because they're making my kid say bad stuff. Damn it!

Totally not fair.

And so this morning I got in the car and searched the radio stations until I found Radio Disney. And the 22-year old in me wept, as a DJ with a sacharine voice that made it sound like she snorts Splenda during songs said benign things at me and my son that felt like she was rubbing frosting directly into the folds of my brain.

And so this is my life. You know that expression "having one foot in your grave?"

I'm clearly picturing one foot in a minivan right now.

And it's scaring me to death.




Morgan Leigh said...

Oh, poor you. I know how you feel though. I've taught Zach "Oh goodness!" because his grandma thinks saying "Oh my God!" (or even "gosh") is horrid. I say it all the time, and don't even think about it. Oh well.


One foot in the minivan. Hilarious. And scary.

beebop @ said...

to which i reply...
the dj on radio disney in the mornings makes me scream vulgar & vile things in the car, to which TP hears it all, "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU WHINY 2 YEAR OLD SOUNDING HELIUM SUCKING FREAK!"...but you know...thats just me. i calmly switch over to howard after TP exits the car, and all is right with the world again.

Anonymous said...

Radio Disney makes my brain ache.

I'm laughing at you with one foot in a minivan and being scared. :)

Bren said...

Yup, we used to listen to that same morning DJ. Now, it's a damn Backyardigans CD.

AndreAnna said...

All I can say is thank heavens for satellite radio. We listen to a lot of 80s and "classic rock" - she loves Fleetwood Mac! :)

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Find an all disco station!! They never swear in Disco!!!

My son's two favorite songs have the word "ass" and "shit" in them. I figure he's 14 so I just go with it...


marie79 said...

Really your in-laws are like that???

That is got to be fun to live with......anyway i hope that as he grows he understands all this better. =0)

Jesse said...

I know what you mean; before kids I didn't really think about what I was listening to on the radio of the shows/movies I watched. And now with kids it's like I hear every bad word they're saying.

Blue Momma said...

This is exactly why I got rid of my satellite radio. Plus I'm poor now. But why pay for it when I only got it for Howard and now can't listen.

Somehow punkin's favorite phrase seems to be butt wipe anyway. Oh, well. At least he's not telling us to fuck off.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Ahh. Your in-laws need to have their tea spiked with some bourbon.

Do you want to borrow some of my CDs? Cause you know I can really jam to Sandra Boynton's Philadelphia Chickens with the best of 'em.

Emma in Canada said...

Sophie's favourite new word is shit. Your inlaws would love her, if only to prove that Little Man really is from good Texas stock and any foul words he learns obviously must come from that Canadian mother of his.

Rachel said...

Man, lucky for me that I don't give two shits, uh, craps, what my kids say. also, they are perfect angels that would never cuss (when I am in the room) anyway.

I will ignore the minivan comment.

Squishy Tushy said...

Oh my God... yes, GOD. Your in-laws are worse than my inlaws!!! HAHAHA!!! Okay, probably not... but you CARE more than I CARE!!! Emma? One of her first expressions ever was Oh my God. And while she doesn't say hell, she does say 'crap' on a regular basis. Still not sure how I feel about that, but it is what it is... And for that, you're a better mother than I, cuz I refuse to listen to Radio Disney.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Screw the in-laws (So says the Mommy who cowered after being chastised when her one-year old said, "Sexy, please!" with her born-again Christian Grandma in the car when she wanted to listen to Justin Timberlake.)

Sirius. It's fucking awesome.

Anonymous said...

Instead of changing what you listen to, why not teach him that those are words he shouldn't say. You can't hide them from foul language because it's everywhere. My son is three and he know's what is ok for him so say and what isn't. I found it's easier to teach him now, than when he get's older.

A's Mom said...

We listen to Kids Stuff with Sirius radio and I'm starting to hate Laurie Berkner and Dan Zanes. I've been trying to prepare my husband for the "monkey see, monkey do" phase as well. Hopefully, my son's first phrase won't be "whatzup beatch?!"

Beccy said...

I live in a good catholic county and the Irish love to say 'feck' (come on now we all kmow it means fuck), 'God' and 'Jesus, Mary and Joeseph'. These roll off my kids tongues as my mother looks on appalled!

CPA Mom said...

Hey now, I have a minivan! :-)

I know the feeling....I'm so sick of the kids music while driving. I'm losing the last of my brain cells.

M said...

okay dude i'd kill for a minivan. that's OUTRAGEOUS what morning dj's can say. makes me very happy i'm rarely awake and in the car early enough to hear them.

and seriously teach him oh my cod. i will PAY you!

though last night i said oh my god which really weirded me out.

aren't you glad i'm on a commenting spree so you can hear all about mememememe?