Wednesday, January 09, 2008

All Done While Watching The Biggest Loser

So last night was Tuesday night. I'm telling you this, kind reader, because I don't want to assume you know the days of the week, and then I make you feel all bad because you assumed it was Sunday and that I was watching the Amazing Race.

So yesterday was Tuesday. We've now established that. Tuesday is one of the two nights my husband leaves me so that he can kick the ass of 12 year-old kids. Because he's taking Tae Kwon Do. And almost everyone in his class has yet to hit puberty. This is a little reminiscent of that Seinfeld episode where Kramer took karate with a bunch of nine-year olds.

My husband finds tae kwon do to be very fun. Because Sweetie Pie enjoys kicking the shit out of young children. Have I not mentioned that before?

Anyway, so Sweetie Pie is gone to tae kwon do and when he does, Little Man and I act like we are two unsupervised teenagers. As in we eat macaroni and cheese. The boxed kind, of course.

And so last night, I tell Little Man it's Mac & Cheese time and we race each other to the pantry to get that blue box. We're very good cooks, Little Man and I, particularly as a team. I heat up the water, he dumps the macaroni in the pot when the water's boiling, he holds the measuring cup so I can pour in the milk, he drinks the milk, I pour more milk, he drinks it again, until we get tired of the cycle and he finally pours the milk into the pot. I used to also let him put the half stick of butter in, but he'd always take a bite out of it first, which kind of freaked me out. Not the cooties part. The part that my son likes to eat a stick of butter.

Anyway, so last night, as we were making the macaroni and cheese, I discovered that we were out of cow milk. Some of you might think that's redundant, but I'm lactose intolerant, so I drink soy milk to get my calcium without having to get the runs. I decided not to use the soy milk in the mac and cheese, because I thought that since soy milk is a little sweeter, that might be kind of nasty. So I looked in my fridge and realized that I had some half and half and decided to use that instead.

Now macaroni and cheese, it's pretty fattening to start with. But then you make it with half and half, and I'm sure the calories and fat content approach a fatty food like, say... lard.

But as God as my witness, that was the best freaking macaroni and cheese ever. Holy crap. Little Man and I ate that stuff so fast, pausing only to make Mmmmm noises at each other and giggle like two cats who rub their asses on their owners' pillows while they're out.

Usually, when I make macaroni and cheese, there is enough left the next day for me to have a lunch for work. But not last night. My toddler and I? We ate a whole freaking box. And we loved it.

Afterwards, he was greasy from head to toe, because despite good spooning skills, when food is this good, he likes to also shove it in his mouth with his free hand.

I'm afraid that I've ruined macaroni and cheese forever for us. How in the world will we eat it with 2 percent milk ever again?

In my defense, afterwards I cut open a mango for him and I to share for dessert. Little Man ended up eating 3/4 of the mango, exceeding his fruit requirement for the day in one sitting.

Which I then celebrated with a piece of milk chocolate for each of us, because a meal like that deserves chocolate afterwards, because it's a celebration of future cellulite.




Julie said...

Sounds deliciously sinful!

Sandy said...

Chocolate? Also dairy. You are a good mom making sure he gets all his calcium...yep, good mom.

You do know I have to buy 1/2 and 1/2 now, don't you?

MysteriousFire said...

Wow. If it helps they have fat free half and half. Maybe it would be a good compromise between regular milk and regular half and half.

beebop @ said...

that sounds scrumptious, and totally redeems your last cooking post!

Melissa said...

Is it wrong that I want to go out and buy half & half just so that I can try this yummyness you speak of?

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

There is too damn much to comment on!!

First of all, mac & cheese from the blue box is the ONLY mac & cheese worthy of 2% milk or half & half. You and little man rock for liking the blue box!

Cat asses on pillows? I knew I liked wiener dogs for a reason - they are too short to jump on the bed!!

I would have skipped the mango and got right for the chocolate - your arteries were already in shock, why not finish them off completely?

Of course, if you had eaten dark chocolate all would have been forgotten. Dark chocolate is heart healthy!!


MissFancyPants said...

Sounds like an absolutely wonderful evening!

monster's momma said...

holy crap that sounds good! i miss dairy. boo-hoo

Beccy said...

Sounds delicious, wish I'd been there to share it.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Do you know how badly I hurt myself cringing when my Toddler eats plain butter? It's just so painful to watch. I guess I should be happy to know that she's not the only one. I'm not.

That is like the greatest night ever, by the way. Macaroni and Cheese, chocolate, and a mango are the PERFECT combination.

Anonymous said...

I so want to make mac and cheese with half and half now :)

Sounds like a well balanced meal: dairy, fruit and more dairy in the chocolate. What could be better?

Emma in Canada said...

I once used half and half in my porridge and it was freaking delicious. I've never done it again, because the thought of how much fat I just ate sort of scared me. I will however take a swig of it out of the carton. My bad. Amd fat for a reason apparently.

Morgan Leigh said...

Now? I'm going to have to try that. Sounds great. :)

Rachel said...

Mmmmm, must stop and buy mac and cheese and half and half.

Lmao at the mental picture of the ass rubbing cats.

That Chick Over There said...

I will be the lone one to say "Eww!"

But of course, I don't like mac and cheese, blue box or otherwise. So I'm already weird.

Squishy Tushy said...

Two comments, really...

First, OMG, you use HALF A STICK OF BUTTER in your KD???!!!

Second, doesn't EVERY meal deserve a little bit of chocolate afterward? And if you celebrate a GREAT meal with a chocolate treat, just what, prey tell, do you do after a crappy meal?!

Enquiry minds, really.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

While the cat's away, the mice will play. I can only imagine how much your tummy hurt after that one. Ouchie from all that dairy. Mine would've been pure gas. (no shit my letters below spelled fart)

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

That sounds delicious!

I haven't been by for quite some time. Sorry about that. I really like the new look of your site.


Megnificent said...

As I read I sat here at midnight and rubbed my ass across my chair saying "Mmmmmmm" to get a proper mental pic. I'm sure others did the same, admit it.

CPA Mom said...

That sounds like the best dinner ever! And my son likes to eat margarine from the tub with a spoon. Yeah.

Laura McIntyre said...

My daughter is also a margarine eater, sounds like a yummy meal

Shari said...

I kind of wish you were my mother.