Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Dear Passport Canada: You Suck!

So I am now nine days away from leaving for Canada. And I? Don't have a passport.

To say that I'm freaking out is quite the understatement. I applied the first week of October, which if we want to be petty is 10 weeks ago now. Sweetie Pie? He applied for his new US passport at the same time and had it in our mailbox two weeks later.

Three weeks ago, I spoke to a friendly Passport Canada agent who wanted to confirm what name I wanted printed on my passport. I asked her before hanging up with her when I could expect my passport and she said in two weeks at most.

Last Friday, the Passport Canada charge still hadn't appeared in my bank account and I was starting to get panicked. I called and the agent who answered began to ask me the same exact questions that the previous agent had asked me two weeks before. I told her this fact and asked if my file had just been sitting there the whole time with nothing done to it, when I was 14 days out from travelling. She told me that they just needed to double check some things, which is a big wh-what to me when I'd already had them double check this information and is obviously code for "yeah, we fucked up, but we ain't going to tell you that, ok."

The good news is that I have a plan B, C and D to get to Canada. I will get there for Christmas, even if Hallmark ends up making a movie out of the adventure.

Option A: I get my passport in time. The world rejoices, causing world peace and the safe return of our soldiers.

Option B: I get confirmation that I can fly to Canada with just my green card, which one Canadian girlfriend told me was the case and that if the Canadian Consulate would return my calls, I could confirm. The world prays that I don't get an a-hole customs agent on my return who says that's not true, even though the US Customs Web site says it is, and I don't get detained and cavity searched in a dark office at the airport.

Option C: I fly to Chicago with Sweetie Pie and Little Man. They get on a flight to Montreal from there. I get on a United Airlines flight to Burlington Vermont, an hour South of the Canadian border. Someone from my family crosses the border, comes and picks me up and I get through without any issues with just my green card, since you don't yet need a passport to drive across. This option costs me $500 more, because tickets to Burlington? Ain't cheap.

Option D: I drink a lot. This option actually bleeds into all of the previous options, because the only way I'll survive any of this is by being blitzed and not caring half as much.

I spent yesterday afternoon googling stories about Passport Canada and it was all horror movie materials. To say that I'm slightly tense about all of this is like saying that Bill O'Reilly on FOX News is slightly an asshole.

Love,

Catwoman.

19 comments:

AndreAnna said...

Ohh, I'm nervous for you! This does not sound like fun at all!

Hope it works out in time. And, like you said, if it doesn't, drink till you don't care! ;)

random_mommy said...

wow. you must love your family. I would never go to such lengths.

Cheri said...

Bon chance! It will work out, it will work out, it will work out (some positive thinking coming your way!).

Oh, and enjoy some margaritas, and you will feel no pain. :-)

Merry Christmas!

Julie said...

Fingers are crossed that it will arrive soon!

Sandy said...

I wish you all the luck in the world. I would also like to point out that no one blogs about great experiences at passport offices. Hence, the horror stories abound!

Kellie said...

So not jealous of you right now!!

Burlington?! Dude, that's like 3 hours away from me. Fly to Albany (cheaper than Burlington) and then I'll drive your blitzed ass to Burlington :)

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Oh, Gosh!! Is it really not here yet? Oh, no. Your momma's gonna shoot you down if you don't make it there this time. AYYIII. Good luck. See you tomorrow for the drinking regardless, right? It's option c, after all!

Indignant! I like Bill. He's a little full of himself, I'll give you that, but I like his way of telling it to the man.

ChrisB said...

Fingers crossed for option A or B with no problems.

Rachel said...

That sucks! They need to get on the ball and do their jobs!

I am hoping Option A works out for you, but I am totally with you on Option D!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I can't believe you've had to go through this crap. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it arrives in time - drinking is in order regardless!!

Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/

That Chick Over There said...

Bill O'Reilly is SUCH AN ASSHOLE.

Sorry about the rest of it. But I just had to concur about Bill.

Morgan Leigh said...

Bill O'Reilly is such an ass. And I? Am a Conservative, and he still gets on my ever-lovin nerves.

Other than that, I'm sorry about everything that you are going through, that's so sucky. Geez.

Blue Momma said...

I hope the damn thing arrives in time! I'm sure that $500 could be spent on much more useful things this time of year.

Did you pay for expedited processing? I'd sure be asking for my money back if so! Oh, and where are the pics of Little Man and santa? I'm waiting....

And Bill sucks ass. We really do need to deprogram AFF!

Ms. Porter said...

Ohhh, good luck. I'm hoping it will all work out...I'd still keep calling them to be safe! It's become such a pain in the ass...I haven't even gotten our passports done...it's gonna save me some cash because I won't be able to do any cross border shopping until I get it.

mumof4 said...

oh immigration, don't ya love it? Good luck...

Nina Diane said...

wow.......what a hassle! but i'm proud of you that you have so many options.....I usually can only come up with a plan B!

Jesse said...

My fingers are crossed and I'm praying that everything works out and you won't have to resort to your other plans. Oh and I love Little Man's pimp outfit!

Anonymous said...

Please really keep trying to check into plan B to make sure it will work. I am an American living in Canada and three weeks ago my father passed away and I needed to fly from Winnipeg to Dallas and there was no way I could without a passport. Like your back up plan I drove into the states to Grand Forks North Dakota and flew to Dallas from there. I was told there was NO way to fly across a boarder without a passport.

"J" said...

That is soooooooooo freaking crazy you have to deal with all that!!! =( I hope you get your passport so you can all fly there together!!! =)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!