Monday, November 12, 2007

Healing

First, I'd like to thank all of you for your sweet thoughts, well wishes and prayers. Although I didn't get to read them until a few minutes ago, let me tell you that they did help. It's nice to know that my little blog has made so many of you root for me, cheer for me and comfort me when I'm down. Never did I imagine when I first started this online diary that anyone would read it, let alone care.

So the doctor say's I've had a chemical pregnancy. It's not uncommon, it doesn't mean anything's wrong, and I know that I just have to get back on the horse, uh Sweetie Pie, and try again.

I can't believe I have to put out again. There really is no fairness to this world.

This weekend was supposed to be our romantic weekend get away, remember? The one with the bed and breakfast with the television?

When I originally booked it, I figured that one of two things would happen. Either, I wouldn't be pregnant and we could try really really hard in someone else's bed. Or I'd be pregnant, and we could just enjoy each other's company.

Instead, the trip became one that was necessary to heal and regroup. I have to say, nothing gets you over a broken heart faster than wine tastings at vineyards. In fact? I've sampled so many wines this weekend that I actually had a hang over at 10 p.m. I didn't even know you could get a hang over before morning. The good thing about an evening hang over? Is you get to sleep it off.

The thing that makes me sad is that the next time I get pregnant? It will be tainted. When I tell people, they'll worry that it'll end in heartbreak, their joy will be tampered. I know, because my sister's had a miscarriage and we couldn't help but worry when she announced she was pregnant with my niece. I've always believed in loving like you've never been hurt before.

Should I be pregnant at the end of the month, I won't worry, instead, I'll choose to be excited all over again.

Love,

Catwoman.

21 comments:

beebop said...

get on that horse baby. and maybe we can revisit some techniques so you dont have to refer to anyone as "handjob baby"...because I know you...and I know you can come up with something even better than that and I cant wait to hear the news of the next.

AndreAnna said...

In 24 days, I will be hoping for the next positive pregnancy test picture. Good luck and I'm so jealous about the wines!

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Ride that man, Lil Buckeroo!

Julie said...

I'm glad you had the weekend then - sounds like it was just what you needed.

Good luck with the baby making this month!

Haphazardkat said...

Well damn. I just caught up on your blog. That sucks, Chickie.
I won't say "Well you can try try again" because we know that's whats needed and good advice...
I won't say it because it don't think it's fair to smooth over your right to grieve.
I'm so sorry you lost little HJB. I'm sending you lots of hugs.

Emma in Canada said...

You've a great attitude. Have fun trying again..shame there's no such thing as a boy goes down on girl baby. Because that would be the best.

M said...

You are amazing with a side of amazing. I'm so glad this weekend was so perfectly planned even if you didn't know it.

And though it doesn't make it much better I am glad it was determined chemical pregnancy. While that is still heartbreaking and doesn't stop the pain it does mean it's a weird fluke thing and nothing to be afraid of next time.

I promise next positive? you're getting another email full of the 'f' word.

xoxoxoxo

Morgan Leigh said...

You are such an awesome woman, I'm so glad that you are looking positive.

:-) Sending you hugs and prayers!!

Sandy said...

and we will all be excited right along with you! I had a miscarriage before I got pregnant with my youngest. Had that pregnancy been successful, my baby girl would not be here! Trust in God's plan and, since you HAVE to put out, have fun!

Kellie said...

You are awesome!! I know it's not much of a comfort, but everything happens for a reason.

Horray for hangovers at 10pm!!

Happy Humping :)

Beccy said...

Great fighting talk. The wine tasting sounds like just the thing you needed and fingers crossed for good news at the end of the month.

Bren said...

And we'll be excited with you!

That Chick Over There said...

I wish I was 1/10th as cool as you.

alissa said...

Can I just repeat Anglophile Football Fanatic's comment??

random_mommy said...

Damn.
Will you be my mommy?

Nina Diane said...

atta girl......glad you were able to have the weekend away!

Elle said...

I wish you the best of luck!! You have such a positive outlook on life - you are just so awesome.

Good luck hon!

Chris said...

I feel bad that I wasn't caught up to date!

I am so proud of you for keeping a positive outlook. That is such a key thing :-)

And as the song says..'Save a horse, ride a cowboy!' ;-)

Rachel said...

I will be excited all over again for you, sweetie!! Especially since you won't have to keep putting out.

jesse said...

I'm proud of you for having a positive outlook and when you tell us you're preggers I'll be jumping up and down with excitement.

Ms. Porter said...

I'm so so sorry. I'm just catching up on my blog reading and I started at the top of yours instead of where I last left off. I'm really truly sorry.
I lost a baby too, between Mouse and Bug. It was very painful...still is. One thing I did when I got pregnant with Bug is tell people right away. I wanted to make sure that if something did happen then everyone would know about my little being. I'm not making alot of sense right now, but I'm glad you will choose to be excited all over again...that baby will deserve that...at least that's what I think.