Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Because He Enjoys Torturing Me

I'll admit it right now.

I can't stand the Wiggles.

I don't care if this makes me a bad person.

I don't care if you call me a heartless bitch who doesn't have a soul.

I don't care that they are millionaires, so obviously they must be likable.

I? Cannot stand them.

I think the Wiggle's show might be the worse thing on television. If I were given a choice between watching Ultimate Fighting Championship or The Wiggles, well, I'd probably just get on Facebook and turn off the TV, really.

Little Man has not been exposed to the Wiggles. Because why would I subject my son to something that makes my eyeballs and ear drums throb and filled with grown men wearing red, purple, blue and yellow shirts, grinning maniacally like they're about to eat my spleen for dinner.

Little Man, somehow has uncovered the Wiggles. I'd blame school, since it would be the only place he might have been tortured with this, but apparently, on movie day, which is Wednesday, the kids each and every time clamor for Satan's illegitimate daughter, Dora. Which Little Man now requests episodes of her highness with the shrieking voice and purple monkey by asking for "Dora? D-d-d-d-d-Dora?", because if he didn't say it like in the theme song, I might think he was asking for that other Dora.

I finally put two and two together when Little Man kept asking for The Wiggles that he was seeing promos for it on The Disney Channel, while watching his Mickey Mouse Club House tivoed episodes.

Disney's promotions department is probably filled with people who challenge themselves by creating promos for ice cubes and then running them only in homes in the Arctic Circle, just to see if their powers of persuasion actually do have a limit.

Now, those promotions bastards have convinced my son that his life will never be whole if he doesn't watch the Wiggles.

I tivoed an episode for him, because I'm very weak when it comes to 3 foot tall blond blue eyed men, and I sat down to watch a little bit with him.

I couldn't believe it. The level of cheesiness. The horrible cheap looking costumes. The lameness of the acting. It was all worse then I expected. I looked at Little Man, and his face was blank.

"This show really sucks, eh?" I said.

His head whipped around 360 degrees, and he gave me the look of death to tell me that the cult of the Wiggles? They'd just ordered him to have me killed for stating such a blasphemous thought.

Somehow, he let me live.

And now I have that ridiculous "Hot Potato" song stuck in my head.

Four men in a little red car singing together? It's just not right, that's all, oil crisis or no oil crisis.

Love,

Catwoman.

20 comments:

CPA Mom said...

I'm with you girlfriend. But the kiddos love them. And really? Just focus on Anthony. He is kind of hot.

We took the kids to see the Wiggles in concert last year and won tickets to go again tomorrow. Pray for me.

Loukia said...

Ahh... I agree! Luckily, my son doesn't watch it - but NOTHING can be WORSE then Barney - OMG - he makes me want to die! Thankfully my boy doesn't watch that either. He was really into Hi-5 a few months ago and we saw them live, that was cool. I actually like Hi-5. And he also watches Blue's Clues... not baaaad... and Do you get Max and Ruby? He likes that too. And Bob the Builder. And Mighty Machines. C'est tout!

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Oh, I knew I loved you for a reason. I will not allow them in our house. Cpt. Feathersword freaks me out. There's just something not right about 4 adult men dancing and singing like that.

Here are a few of our new favs (with a couple of Canadian imports for ya!): Wilbur & Meteor and the Monster Trucks (TLC), Dora (we only have 65 episodes on his Tivo), and we still totally dig Maisy. I love her, too. Very little talking involved. She's our right before bed winding down show.

qofd said...

Ugh. You won't be getting called a heartless bitch by me. I can't stand "children's music" in general.

We don't do the Wiggles around here. We do Miles Davis and Stevie Ray Vaughan.

Sandy said...

My grandson LOVED Bob the Builder at that age. Our problem now is the lack of "family" entertainment in the evening. We end up watching a lot of rodeo...

Blue Momma said...

Punkin went through a Wiggles phase, but thankfully it passed pretty quickly. He does like to listen to the songs in the car sometimes, but not often.

Can you believe that they were the highest paid Australian entertainers last year? Or maybe it was the year before. Still. Any year? Blows my mind!

Now I'm humming hot potato, hot potato. THANKS!

daisynea said...

LOL I can't stop laughing. I feel the same way about Wiggles. I can't stand them. I wasn't going to ever let mine watch them but a wonderful loving friend of mine bought him two dvds and let him watch while I wasn't home. Well it just took off from there. Funny how those DVDs just came up missing one day...wonder what happened to them..hmmm.

Julie said...

Fruit Salad - Yummy Yummy! Have you heard that one yet?

I've sat through seeing them 2x - Abby was a major fan. Thankfully Emily has shown zero interest in them - I'm all Wiggled out.

And your last line - hysterical!

That Chick Over There said...

Another reason I am glad my children are 9.

Kellie said...

My nephew was a Wiggles ADDICT when he was younger. No joke--every dvd, every Wiggles related toy--was enough to make want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty screw. Thankfully, Morgan has NO interest in them. Just Einstein's, Yo Gabba Gabba and Jacks' Big Music Show.

And now? I have "Hot Potato" stuck in MY brain. Thank you.

Not.

:)

Nina Diane said...

oh no.....no Wiggles allowed in my house.....just grates on my nerves. I wish I could ban that goofy Spongebob but little Maddox loves him!

Slick said...

Oh man....

This news sounds like it's worse than I thought....

I'm dispatching a team of interventionists armed with Grape Koolaid, Animal crackers, and a VHS tape of uh...NFL's Greatest Moments.

We'll get him help, don't you worry none

Chuck said...

I had a dream once a couple years ago that I was one of the Wiggles. I didn't realize or remember the dream till later the next day when I stopped to ask myself why the Hot Potato song was stuck in my head. That was really weird and I thought I'd share....not that you asked or anything. :)

Haphazardkat said...

When my son was younger he was plunked in front of the TV and watching kid shows while I cleaned the kitchen.
Walking past him a little while later, he lifted his finger and pointed at the TV saying, "Look Momma...Geeks!"
I looked at the TV and saw the Wiggles men dancing around.
*wipes a proud Mom tear*
I've never love him more....

Bren said...

My oldest daughter loved The Wiggles. Not only did we watch it over and over, but my husband made her a cd with 44 different Wiggles songs. That's forty freaking four!! Christmas songs even. We had to listen to that thing everytime we got in the car. I was so relieved that when my son came along, he couldn't stand them.

Anonymous said...

omg you americans cannot criticise the wiggles, you have a giant puple singing dinasuar with the most obnoxious children dancing along side not to mention the rest.At least the wiggles offer children an oportunity to develop fine and gross motor skills, they are a great resouce for mums that have their handfuls and are fine when used sparingly....

Emma in Canada said...

I don't mind the Wiggles really. Saoirse isn't that into them, I don't think they are on Treehouse during her TV viewing times. I do prefer them to Comfy Couch, which I have now been watching off and on for 10 years.

Rachel said...

I cannot stand the Wiggles!!!!!! Luckily, they weren't around when Kaylie was a preschooler and Haley's love for them only last a short time and even then, it was still not on in our house. If I can help it, Alyssa will never hear of them. Although she does have one Wiggles book about shapes.

That's ok, right?

Sam said...

How can you not love four Aussie blokes? lol

I guess they are an institution over here, explains a lot right?

I can't stand Captain Feathersword, oh what I'd like to do with that sword.....

Ms. Porter said...

oh fuck. i've seen them in concert...gag. I won't even bother telling you how much i paid for the sold out tickets.
wake up jeff....barf.