Tuesday, October 23, 2007

His Canadian Side Comes Out

On Saturday, it was 90-something degrees (32 degrees Celsius) here. I'm guessing that the Republicans who believe global warming is some made-up myth (just like unicorns) by Democrats hyped up on Starbucks coffee, had to reconsider their position for a split second, only to return to keep shoveling debt on top of our enormous deficit.

Then on Monday night, someone realized that Halloween is next week and that Little Man's costume is very hot and the temperature dropped a full 40 degrees, into the low 50's (11 degrees Celsius).

This means that Little Man, who loves to be naked and believes that clothes are society's way of trying to rob you of your freedom and your identity now has to not only wear clothes, but they no longer consist of a t-shirt and shorts. Now, his body will be imprisoned in full-length pants! And his arms will no longer be able to breathe, as they will be covered in long-sleeved shirts! And his feet, oh the horror, will have to be smothered in socks.

And just to ensure that he will never have a chance to be happy again? Fall also means having to wear a jacket. It's enough to make Little Man weep if you just think of cooler weather.

Yesterday, when I picked Little Man up from school, I grabbed his jacket off of the coat rack at school. As soon as he spotted it, his eyes darkened and began to ressemble the ones of Satan's Dog when I forget to feed him, a kind of pleading look that leads strangers to think that I must be a really horribly cruel person.

Little Man whispered, almost terrified "No mama, no coat!"

I explained to him that he had to wear his coat that it was cold outside.

That's when Little Man decided that he must have inherited my debating genes (I placed in the top third individual speakers at most of the tournaments I attended at the Canadian University Society of Intercollegiate Debate, thank you very much), he said to me "no, Mama, it's hot." And then he blew in the air, like he does on his food to cool it off. Like the air around him was so hot, he might as well be in an oven.

I shook my head and said "no, really, it's cold. It's not hot."

Little Man looked at me and then looked around at his friends like he was telepathically saying to them "can you believe I have to go home to this insane woman every night?" and shook his head and said "no, Mama. It's hot outside." And once again, this time with even more gusto, blew to try to cool the obviously stifling heat.

That's when I forced his 26-pound ass into his jacket and as he screamed in mock horror, I said to him "I know you're half Canadian, but you still have to wear a coat."

Love,

Catwoman.

18 comments:

random_mommy said...

Mine is going to be a dr for Halloween... the dog costume made him scream, and scrubs are basically just pajamas anyway.

AndreAnna said...

If it weren't for the extra 908 pounds, I'd be all about not wearing clothes.

Charlotte's new thing is taking her pants off. Luckily, she has only done this at home but I'm sure the time will come when I find her bare-assed at the daycare at the gym.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Way to go LM!! And, the fact that you needed to understand with Italian hand gestures & him blowing, is so funny I fell outta my chair. I can totally picture him doing it!

Oh, and if there is global warming? Why did we never hit 100 here this year basically all summer long? Just a talk amongst yourselves kinda question.

Julie said...

I can't get Emily to put on socks. It's supposed to be 64 tomorrow - she needs to wear them. Maybe she's part Canadian also? My husband does like hockey!

Blue Momma said...

Don't these kids know that coats are great for hiding their ginormous ass?

Uh, sorry. I guess that would be for hiding MY ginormous ass. I'd wear a coat year round if I didn't live hear in the ass crack of hell.

However, I wouldn't force Punkin into a coat unless it was in the low 50's. He's so cool already, he's not effected by the temps! :)

Haphazardkat said...

Ah yes. The coat monster. My kid knows it well.

jesse said...

So far I've been lucky the past couple of days because my Monkey hasn't tried to run when I grab his jacket. As for Sweet Pea well she's like my mom and gets cold very easy so she never minds wearing one.

Sandy said...

Poor little man. My granson is just the opposite! He left for school this morning wearing an undershirt, a T-shirt, a sweatshirt, a jacket and a stocking cap. Of course, it was 29 degrees....

Elle said...

Explain this to my 1/2 Canadian children - sheesh!! You think they were living in Florida the way they want to dress!

Kellie said...

Morgan's not a fan of coats, either. Given we live in NY where it can be a bit on the chilly side in the winter, she has no choice but to deal with it.

Little Man cracks me up!! Love it!

Morgan Leigh said...

NO! Not GLOBAL WARMING! EEEEEKKKKK. I am one of those horrible Republicans in which you speak.

Does that mean we can't be internet friends anymore?

I hope not.

Rachel said...

I for real believe that Alyssa is the female version of Little Man! Every day. Every single day. I put shoes on that kid. Every day. Every single day. She is shoeless and sockless, as the case may be, when I pick her up from the sitter. She just cannot stand keeping them on. At home, though she wants to try 10 different pairs during the day.

She yanks and pulls on the sleeves if she has to wear a long sleeved shirt and tries to get you to take off any pants, shorts or not!

Don't even talk to her about a jacket.

Slick said...

He's going to grow up to be like my Dad.

Even though Dad is from the south, that dude never, ever wears a coat. No matter how cold it gets!

Poor Little Man. The things you Moms do to kids.

Anonymous said...

my kid (4) is outraged he has to wear long trousers now its getting colder. Why? Because they are TOO comfortable??? Logic?
www.20six.co.uk/mumof4

Chuck said...

He blew in the air? Really? Like to cool it off? Now that'shilarious! Funny little man you got there!

qofd said...

Hey! Thanks for visiting my blog, you can totally add me to the blogroll and I'll do the same for you!

Having visited Texas several times I can tell you that yes, I think that Democrats are probably somewhere between Hitler and chlamydia in popularity.

I also feel this insane need to correct something. I am NOT a Republican. I'm actually a registered Libertarian. Which means I don't care who you marry, how many kids you have, or what you do with your life as long as you stay out of my wallet. ;)

Well! Off to add you to the blogroll... and the feed reader...

M said...

Coat smote. We still haven't brought out the coats and it's been 50 as a high for a while now. Maybe I should reconsider my bad mama side and torture Liam into coatville. *SIGH*

BTW...LittleMan and his brilliant argument by blowing in the air? Priceless. Ship him to me please!

alissa said...

You placed in the top 3rd debaters? Wow. Holy impressive, batwoman! (Eeer, catwoman..) Where, prey tell, did Mr. Rabie place? Sooo bizarre, I just can't quite get over it.