Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Best Day Ever

If you could see me right now, you'd notice that there's a spring in my step and I'm absolutely glowing. Some might say I'm even beaming to the point that the space station people called, thinking there might be a nuclear meltdown North of Dallas.

And no, I'm not pregnant, as Aunt Flo is currently busy wrapping up her monthly visit.

I'm happy because right now is one of my favorite times of the year. It's time for the biggest consignment sale of the year in Dallas and I got me a volunteer slot and got to shop extra early.

Do you have any idea of the greatness of this sale? We're talking 55,000 kids items, all so gently used, that they might as well still have the tags on them. And so yesterday, I worked through lunch, left work 45 minutes early and went to meet Anglophile Football Fanatic to go spend my birthday money.

Now some of you might think that's a little crazy. But I have to give props to my favorite feisty bitch, who got us a spot in line so close to the front, that I'm assuming she got in line at the sale around 3 a.m. the previous day. Anglophile brings the art of shopping to a whole new level, to the point that Paris Hilton calls her for advice. After all, how many of you have actually been deported to your parents house by your husbands for spending too much money?

So I joined her in the line and we waited anxiously waiting for the doors to open, the way 20 years ago, we did to get our hands on a Cabbage Patch Doll or Def Leppard tickets. It's probably a sad sign of the times when cheap maternity and baby clothes give you the same sense of euphoria as dolls and long haired greasy rockers.

The damage? We both spent just over $120 worth of stuff and got about a U-Haul's worth of clothing between the two of us. We left a path of 32 bruised and bloodied moms, some looking about 9 months pregnant, but each of them deserved it. I mean, at least a few of them got within 50 feet of an item we were looking at. Our samurai swords and taser guns should have been warning enough that we meant business.

And today? I'm even giddier. Because after my five-hour volunteer shift, the volunteer half-price pre-sale starts. And I'll get to spend my last 65 dollars, plus the 9 dollar bills I found hidden in a pouch in my desk that I remembered at three in the morning, plus the eight dollars in quarters, dimes and nickels I stole out of Sweetie Pie's change jar. Did I say steal? I mean borrow.

Plus, I just checked on my eBay auctions, and so far it looks like I have another 25 dollars to spend, whee! Have I mentioned this is the greatest day ever? Don't you hear the birds singing their melodic sounds? Don't you see the rays of the sun swaying gently in the tree branches? Don't you smell the aroma of soon-to-be-spent money?

The world is a wonderful, wonderful place. I should take Owen Wilson with me. I'd totally give him a reason to live again, if I showed him the greatness of this consignment sale.




Julie said...

Sounds like you two gals shopped till you dropped! Have fun at the half off sale!

Morgan Leigh said...

:-) That's so awesome. man, i have got to move to texas.

M said...

OMFG I am so horrifically jealous with a side of jealous. You don't KNOW how much I love consignment sales!


Will you do me a favor and show me your haul? Pretty please? I'll flash my boobies.

Consignment sales are about 100 times better than the outlet mall which I just wee'd about.

Humor me lady. Humor me.

Rachel said...

Alyssa wears 12 months size. Just thought you'd like to know. ;)

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Your take? Totally different from mine, but funny as hell. And, must add that I stopped taking Paris' phone calls when she went to the slammer. Skank. I'm still giddy about that perfect maternity coat (& you can't be jealous, I did offer it to you first) that I got. Now, to get pg? Hmm. Think it would look good as just a great trench?

Anonymous said...

Take a pic of your loot and show us. Given we're already jealous and can't see straight, why not torture us a bit more :)

Loukia said...

Happy shopping!

That Chick Over There said...

Stuff! Junk! Other stuff and junk!

I'm jealous!

Melissa said...

Oh you make me laugh!! Our twin club has a sale twice a year that just makes me giddy! I LOVE that I get to shop early (before the public) and I get to sell too!! LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! OMG I have to start blogging again just so I can write about it.

Blue Momma said...

I missed the consignment sale I usually work an shop at. Stupid mommy brain.

Guess the Punkin' will be rockin the WalMart specials this fall!

Slick said...

I can just see the estrogen crap spreading clouding up my computer screen.

At least it's stronger than Aunt Flo.

I need a more absorbant towel....back in a few

Beccy said...

That sounds like my kind of you need another shopping partner? I've great knobbly elbows for getting people out the way!

Emma in Canada said...

Well crap did you not get my email with size specifications on it?

Blue Momma said...

Off topic, but Punkin asks everytime he sees your blog - and I'm sure other people wonder, too.

Why is Little Man so unhappy in your header picture? It really worried Punkin that he doesn't know!

Ms. Porter said...

Dream!!! Now you can't get that here in Canada.

my minivan is faster than yours said...

What?! You don't get the day off! Coooommmee baaaaccckkk!!