Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Because I Like To Be A Heartbreaker

So I had not spoken to my mom since Little Man's birthday. In fact, Sweetie Pie, who has his birthday three days after Little Man's, didn't even get an email, a card, nothing for his birthday. Which kind of shocked me.

My father called the next day, sheepishly saying they totally forgot. I find this amusing, because my father never calls. My mom's always the one who calls. I told my dad it was no big deal, gave the phone to Sweetie Pie, and when he hung up, I asked him if he spoke to my mom. He said that she had come on the phone once it was made clear to her I was no longer on and, of course, didn't ask to speak to me.

I'd sent Little Man's birthday pictures to my family on Monday or Tuesday night and had heard nothing back from my mom, once again.

On Friday, I got an email from my mother that said something along the lines of how frustrated they are, that they can't see Little Man on the Webcam with my computer being down and blah, blah, blah. How I don't respond to their emails anymore (well, sorry I'm busy, what with a job, a blog and Facebook and no computer at home). And how they feel like I don't even want to come up for Canadian Thanksgiving anymore.

The worse part? Right before I got that email? I realized that my passport is about to expire, as in on September 19th, and when I went to the Canadian passport Web site, it says that if you live outside of Canada, the current processing time is nine weeks. Whis is, oh roughly five weeks after Canadian Thanksgiving.

Which means that now, I had to tell my parents that we were in fact not coming for Canadian Thanksgiving.

I'm a wimp, so I totally avoided the issue all weekend, in the same manner that I managed to avoid copulating. It's a technique that I've become an expert on, one that has millions of women's groups beg me to come be a guest speaker and teach them my ways. Of course, in roughly two weeks, I'll be attacking Sweetie Pie approximately every 8 hours and hanging myself upside down from the fan in order to keep Aunt Flo away for nine months.

But where was I...

So yesterday, I sent my parents an email letting them know about the passport situation.

My dad replied that he was disappointed that our Thanksgiving tradition wouldn't be carried on this year of Little Man and I coming up.

Apparently? For something to count as a tradition? It only has to happen once, because Little Man and I traveled up to Canada for Canadian Thanksgiving for the first time last year.

My mother last night was actually ok, since I had plenty of vodka to drink while she lectured me about how I need to be more organized because I have a child, blah blah blah. The vodka and the fact that I can roll my eyes a full 360 degrees are the reason the lecture wasn't that bad.

But if you ask me? The best reason to be disorganized is that you have a child. Because they throw yogurt at dogs, like to set stuff on fire and bang on your furniture.

I consider the pile of parenting and entertainment magazines that cover our coffee table protection for the wood from Little Man's obsession with treating everything like his personal drum set.




CPA Mom said...

Lord, your parents sound as trying to the nerves as my monster-in-laws. Oy vay!

Note to self: check passport to see if you can go to Canadian Thanksgiving in Catwoman's place.

Did I hear it was your birthday yesterday? No?

You must tell me how to avoid copulating. It's a public service

Anonymous said...

I heard it was your birthday, too!!

I am the QUEEN on how to avoid copulating. ;)

Sorry your mom is giving you so much crap. I'm kinda close to Canada...want me to go up there and have a little sit down with her and tell her how it is?

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Happy Birthday.

I didn't ask about your momma, cause I knew you didn't want to deal. I'm somewhat glad you managed to survive the tongue lashing. How bout this? I go to Canadian Thanksgiving & you go to my FILs 60th b-day party?

OH, and the pictures I got of you hanging from fans, priceless...

Morgan Leigh said...

Happy Birthday! :)

Can't wait to see pics of you hanging from the fan! :) LOL

Julie said...

Whoa, it was your birthday yesterday??? How did I miss that!

And tell stupid Flo to go away for the next 9ish months and leave you alone!

random_mommy said...

Canadians have a Thanksgiving??!?!
I'm confused.

Please explain.


Emma in Canada said...

If you really, really loved your mother and wanted to carry on your 1 year tradition you would fly to as close to the border as possible and drive the rest of the way. You don't need your passport for that. I'm just saying.

Oh, and tell your mother to be grateful she doesn't have me and my disorganized ways for a daughter because a) my passport expired in 2002, b) I can not get a Canadian passport because I lost my citizenship card and c) I can not get a British passport because I lost my birth certificate.

Tell her she ought to be happy you because you have not allowed her grandson to get freaking lice.

ohio blue eyes said...

drive to ohio! come visit us on your way to canada, eh!! we're only like 4 hours away from niagra falls or something like that?! tell her to meet you there.
and lets get an explanation on canadian thanksgiving, ok? did you guys kill off the indians too?

ohio blue eyes said...

and its your birthday!? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

my minivan is faster than yours said...

Just out of curiosity, have your parents made an effort to come to Texas for the American Thanksgiving? "No," you say. Hmmm...

Meet ya in Albuqurque!

AndreAnna said...

Hell, if you really loved your mother, you'd walk. Barefoot. In the snow. With LM on your back.

Happy Birfday!

I'm a Mom!..? said...

I don't even know you in person but a little birdie told me it was your Bday -- Hope it's a good one!

That Chick Over There said...

Oh for hell's sake.

I'll join you in the worst daughter in the world club. Okay?

Blue Momma said...

Why does family have to be so difficult? We made a self financed 800 mile move and I still catch shit from the family.

Why don't you suggest you folks fly down and celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving in Texas? It doesn't only have to be Canadian Thoughts in Texas, it can be Canadian parents, too!

And avoiding copulating? I always use old faithful: NO.

Beccy said...

Belated birthday greetings.

The passport thing sounds like something I'd do, I only checked our passports three days before we went to France!

As ever you make me laugh (hanging upside down) and I really hope your Aunt Flo has gone on vacation for the next nine months.

Slick said...

Awww....you'd forget your head if it wasn't attached, wouldn't you?? ;)

Do they ever come see ya'll??

Slick said...


It's your BDay???

Anonymous said...

Mothers are over rated ;-)

Okay, not really. But once they become like that they are over rated. LOL.

And I realized the other day (now that Alex and Liberty are in school all day) it is much easier to be organized and keep a clean house when you have almost no one here!

Rachel said...

You realize that Memphis is damn close to Texas, right? And, we celebrate Thanksgiving.