Friday, September 21, 2007

And Thank You God For Trashy People on MTV

One thing that's really different between Texas and Canada is that in Canada, people don't tend to be very religious. Maybe certain parts are more than others, but Toronto being a big city, I literally grew up and didn't know that people went to Church on Sundays. Not one person I knew did.

Which to some of you might make it seem like Canada is the land of sinners and Satanists, right behind Las Vegas. But we're really, really nice people. Plus, God already has punished us by making two-thirds of our land an unlivable icescape, so I think we've been punished enough, don't you?

In Canada, whenever I went to charity fundraiser dinners or those big annual luncheons you see on TV and wonder why the hell those people are there, there was never someone there to say grace. Also, no preacher comes before a hockey game to bless the toothless men and their steroids, the way that they do for NASCAR drivers. Maybe we just think that God would frown upon grown men skating with a big stick, fighting over a small puck and fighting because the rest of us demand it. I'm not sure. You'd probably have to ask Him. Although I doubt He thinks that driving in circles in a car covered in logos isn't exactly the best use of our time either, what with a war raging and children being orphaned by AIDS in Africa in record numbers.

But here, people do pray and it's not something I have a problem with at all. I want to make that clear. I don't think it's ever made me uncomfortable, and after seven years in Texas, it's become the norm for me.

Yet, ever so often, the blessing will make me work hard to stifle my giggles. Because seriously? The things that people thank God for make me think that the Big Man must be rolling His eyes up there.

Like yesterday. I was at this luncheon for this commission that's responsible for the growth of the region. Don't ask me what all these people do. All I know is my company throws money at it and therefore we had a table at the luncheon and I was asked to go. And where there's free food, I can always be found. And by the way, this food totally rocked. I'm talking about a salad with berries on it with goat cheese rolled in chopped walnuts, followed by steak with a yummy wine sauce and not-overcooked green beans and mashed potatoes and then lemon meringue pie. Way better than the sandwich I left in the fridge.

The point of this luncheon was to hear about the economic impact on North Texas that the 2011 Superbowl will have on our region. Because apparently this commission had something to do with it. Don't ask me too much, I was very busy inhaling my free meal to hear everything.

Anyhow... A preacher gets up before the main speaker and he begins to bless things. And this is where it got a little difficult for me, because he thanked God for the commission working on the air quality. And then he thanked Him for the new Cowboys stadium that would make so many fans happy. And then he thanked Him for allowing the North Texas Commission to help reduce road congestion by 3 percent.

Seriously? Is this what God is working on these days? Because I thought road congestion would probably be a little lower on the totem pole. Although, maybe a little higher on the priority list than a new Cowboys stadium.

I guess this is why I'm just a mere mortal.

And since I've blasphemed a lot today, might as well add that this whole summer, while Big Brother was on, I laughed hysterically at anti-semitic moron Amber praying all the time and telling God "God bless you." Because I'm pretty sure He can't bless himself.

Love,

Catwoman.

12 comments:

AndreAnna said...

Sometimes, I want to watch Big Brother just so I can feel better about myself when I hear these stories. lol.

Rachel said...

Please save me a seat on the bus to hell, cuz I laughed every time she did that too.

Blue Momma said...

Just adding more reasons to the list of why I love you. Don't tell God though. I hear he doesn't approve of that kind of thing.

Can I sit on the bus next to you and Rachel? I'll bring chips and salsa...

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Oh, dear. Just, oh, dear. And, if there is one thing Dallas doesn't need one more of, it's a place for crazy Cowboys fans to congregate. Why couldn't Ms Preacher Ma'am bless it for imploding? If I ever do a Thursday 13 of things I hate about D, Number one will be Cowboys fans who appear out of the woodwork when they start winning. DAMN them the fair weather fans.

And, BTW anytime you can link Nascar & preachers = a damn fine post!!

M said...

Here in the Seattle region people are either VERY into religion, not at all into religion, or not sure what religion is. But one thing is for sure there'd be a damn riot if a preacher got up at a public event without a rabbi, (I just wrote rabbit. which makes me think rabbi is spelled wrong), a buddhist, a pegan princess (or whateverthehell a high leader is up there), Osama himself, and a few crazy cult leaders to bless the event.

Because let me tell ya. Religion is a hot button up here and don't anyone dare think we all worship the same creature dammit!

Of course I'd be the first with the picket line and laughing my ass off at the idea of God working on his road congestion issues. I wish he'd start working that magic up here. Maybe it's because we don't pray to Him before sipping our Starbucks that he leaves us with the shittiest traffic around. Hmm. Something to ponder.

Fucking thing will not give me word verification. OBVIOUSLY I pissed off God. Oh. There we got. After 5 refreshes.

Emma in Canada said...

I grew up going to Catholic school and my kids go to Catholic schools so we defo get more than enough religion shoved down our throats. Did I just say that aloud?

However, in the public system? They can't say Christmas holidays, it's the winter break. Theur Christmas concerts can have no religous songs. It's sort of weird.

And Amber? She was a freak. I lauged at that too. And I had to change the channel when Jamika prayed because I was pretty sure she was going to start masturbating at any minute.

Am I allowed to say that in your comment section?

Loukia said...

That is hilarious! Can I just say a THANK YOU GOD for the Canadian dollar being at par with the US dollar as of yesterday? And in fact, today - the CND dollar is higher then the US dollar! Oh, how I wish I could make a trip to the USA this weekend for some shopping! Cheap books, Pottery Barn stuff... I'd say clothes but I'm a pregnant whale so that's out of the question!

Kellie said...

I laughed pretty hard at Amber, too :)

Morgan Leigh said...

:-) you are funny. that's sad though, that people throw around the name of God and ask him to do small, weird things. geez.

That Chick Over There said...

I don't watch Big Brother, but I saw that clip somewhere and it made me laugh my tootie off.

Amy said...

His blessing was funny - and ridiculous. I don't blame you for giggling. A good preacher is hard to find...

moosh in indy. said...

Given that I live where the current Superbowl champions reside there was a whole lot of "Bless Peyton Manning" going on around these parts in January.