Thursday, August 16, 2007

Aunt Flo's Superpowers

So I think Aunt Flo might have broken into my place without a key. She's never here when I check, but there's signs of disturbances, kind of like the remote control not being in the place you left it when you get back from the fridge, and yet no one else is home.

I'm talking full on bloating and achiness and when I go to the bathroom I see, uhm, how can I put this mildly without any of you losing your breakfast... Uhm, I see very light skid marks.

I am so very, very confused. I have peed on cheap pregnancy tests, digital pregnancy tests, but they're all the same. I'm not pregnant.

So the question is, am I just menopausal? Have Little Man's toddler tantrums shriveled up my uterus and caused it to shut down completely, even refusing to menstruate. Because that'd be the equivalent of me going on strike and refusing to eat chocolate. Just doesn't make sense. Which since we're on that subject, we were watching the game show Power of Ten and one of the questions was "how many women would rather eat chocolate than have sex." Sweetie Pie guessed that would be 100 percent of all women. But I, knowing that there are some people who don't enjoy chocolate (which I don't understand, it's like not enjoying putting on a clean pair of panties, what's not to like?) thought it'd probably be about 80 percent. Not higher than that, because I know Random Mommy and Ohio Girl and those two would skew the numbers lower. Well, the correct answer was 29 percent or something along those lines. Seriously? Where did they ask this question? In a brothel? Or somewhere where only chocolate ants are available?

So anyway. That's two posts about my period this week. Aren't you so glad you come here?

Love,

Catwoman.

13 comments:

Morgan Leigh said...

my aunt flo is doing the same thing. :( although i don't have the guts yet to pee on a pregnancy test. if she doesn't show, well...

Kellie said...

Coming here is like eating chocolate...it never gets old!!

jesse said...

I'm so glad you're back!

NeUrOtIc CuRb ChEcKiNg SuV dRiVeR said...

I am convinced that must've been a brothel or members of Heidi Fleiss' little black book. Or were they asking in front of spouses/SigOths? Cause I don't know if I can think of a single woman who would choose the "deed" before chocolate. Why are we willing to get pregnant...so we can get outta going at it for nine whole months! Gotta love Sweetie Pie's understanding of marriage post honeymoon phase!

Ms. Porter said...

My money is on a postitive pregnancy test by the end of the weekend.

Oh and seriously???? CHOCOLATE. Hands down. Maybe in my early 20's I would have said sex, but after three pregnancies, enough months of breast feeding that I can say 'years' of breast feeding, never enough sleep.......among so many other things and hands down it's chocolate.

Emma in Canada said...

Do you not love that show? I was pretty close on the chocolate vs sex answer. But only because lately I'd choose sex over chocolate so I assume most others would too. Because everyone follows my patterns of course.

NeUrOtIc CuRb ChEcKiNg SuV dRiVeR said...

Oh, and instead of emailing you directly, I'm doing a comment, cause I know how you love them. Had to share: Yesterday got the Little Man party invite & my little tyke clutched it to his chest (after I explained that the surf board was indeed a surf board "Like that episode of Backyardigans") and that it was a birthday party (and no. it's not your birthday party again) for Little Man. He walked around saying he was going to Little Man's birthday party. See, the need to feel included (we've discussed this)starts crazy early. That's for making my son's week!

CPA Mom said...

I'd rather have the chocolate. No question.

p.s. what kind of b.c. were you using? when did you stop? sometimes Aunt Flo can be a bit erratic the first few months after going "au natural."

Slick said...

Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil.

I don't know nuttin' bout no period. I'm going to keep it that way.

Most women are freaky anyway, they just want admit it.

A Mr Goodbar only lasts so long...

Melissa said...

Oh I love that show! But I have to admit, unless I am about to give birth, or just gave birth, I def would pick sex over choc.

My fav question so far was how many men would give birth if they could. I was thinking around 10%, but it was 30!! I don't believe it! DH said their wives must have been standing right there, because no man would want to give birth.

Melissa said...

oh... and don't want to get your hope up or anything re: AF, but sometimes women get spotting with implantation. Maybe test in another week? I got a neg with my youngest daughter b/c I tested to early. And if you ovulate later than usual (maybe b/c of the trip?) then everything in the cycle comes later. Just a thought...

ohio blue eyes said...

auntie flo is just being a bitch, as always. she needs to pay me back for the 6 pregnancy tests I took last week...

and I would have SEX with chocolate, if I could, now that would be DIRTY BAD FUN!

Rachel said...

All I gotta say is that bitch Aunt Flo better be coming to my house in a few weeks!

Oh and chocolate. Well, maybe not all the time. Or, can I do both?