Thursday, July 12, 2007

Toddler Quirks

I live with an eccentric man. Who has to carry a stuffed frog with him everywhere, and spends hours sucking that frog's face, pursing his gorgeous full lips against its face like if the frog was some kind of pacifier.

But lately? He's becoming even more quirky, pulling stunts that lead me to think that he could potentially end up with 50 cats, or collecting removed blackheads, like I did for a one-week period of my life that I like to call "that time I officially became a freak for a week."

Like this morning? Little Man saw an old dirty soccer ball in our garage and decided that he had to ride in the car with it sitting in his lap. Forget that the ball is bigger than his head, he hung on to that thing the whole ride to school, his frog safely tucked in his other arm. And then? He was devastated when I wouldn't let him bring it into school.

Because I'm a cold hearted bitch, and I like to squash originality anywhere I see it.

Also? My Little Man? He speaks in the voice of Satan when he's angry. Which is really, really quite often. And it can occur in the time it takes you to blink. He'll be a perfectly normal, sweet, cute little boy, and all of sudden you tell him that he can't, in fact, set the dog's tail on fire, and he drops his head down and growls "NO!" in the voice of Satan. I find it quite amusing, and it's hard not to laugh at him, but I'm kind of concerned that he'll eat my liver while I'm sleeping if I do lose it and begin to giggle.

So I just put him in time out instead.

There's also the fact that he tried to kill his father with his toddler fork on Sunday night. Little Man threw a sugar pea across the kitchen, so Sweetie Pie grabbed Little Man's face and told him "no throwing!" Apparently, Little Man didn't like his father's tone of voice, so he threw his toddler fork right at Sweetie Pie, where it landed flat on Sweetie Pie's shoulder and sat there, minding its own business, just waiting for someone to remove it. Sweetie Pie, being the grown up between the two of us, told Little Man that because he didn't listen and threw something else, he was going to time out, all while that fork, with little bears on it, continued to sit on his shoulder.

Me? I had long run down the hallway to hide my bursts of laughter, because really? The image of driving Sweetie Pie to the hospital with a toddler fork embedded in his shoulder, the little bears on the handle staring at his gaping wound was just too hilarious to not laugh at.

Maybe my son's not an eccentric. Maybe he is possessed by the devil.

But until he begins to spew pea soup, I'll take my chances and keep him around.




Julie said...

Ummm, gross. The whole collecting blackhead things. Where did you store them? What did you plan to do with that collection? yes, I know that is not what I'm supposed to take away from your post but I can't seem to get passed it.

Blue Momma said...

I, too, often think I live with satans spawn. I just wish when he spewed it would come from his mouth....

random_mommy said...


I picture LM speaking in a french accent and saying things like "I have no time for your silly rules."

Kellie said...

Blackheads? As in BLACKHEADS!! Dear Lord, you need to elaborate on THAT piece of info!!

Sometimes, I think I live with the spawn of Satan, too. She can be evil. And mean. Not digging that a whole lot.

Rachel said...

Seriously? The blackhead thing? What the hell?

Emma in Canada said...

Picturing a fork in the shoulder was too too funny.

I once started a collection of dog fur. Not a nice breed or anything, just our mutt's fur from the brush. Because, get this, I thought I could make a vest for my brother with it. My mum found it a couple of days later and threw it away. I think I was about 6. I am assuming since your collection dealt with blackeads you must have at least hit puberty so perhaps it might be considered a bit odd. Not that dog fur wasn't. And there was the girl I went to school with who had a collection of dried snot on her wall. So blackheads...not so odd at all.

myminivanisfasterthanyours said...

Seriously, PLEASE take pics if you ever have to take your husband to the hospital with a toddler fork stuck in his shoulder. Promise???