Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Things I Have Actually Said to My Toddler

I get a little cranky when I'm sleep deprived. And since I partied it up on Saturday night and Little Man has refused to sleep in his bed the last couple of nights resulting in me getting kicked in the head all through the night, I'm a little crabby.

Add to the fact that my cycle has now shrunk down to 23 days, ensuring that I have my period about every 8 days, yeah, that's also fun and not making me moody at all.

But anyway, Little Man's been driving me nuts the last couple of days, and this has led me to say things to him that might not always make a ton of sense, like:

"Seriously, why are you being so immature about this?"

"Why can't you use your fork like a grown up?" (Uhm, I don't know... Maybe because he's 22 months old?)

"You're really being unreasonable about this."

"Don't you even think about putting that in your mouth!" (which is the best way to give a toddler the thought that the gross thing could actually go into their mouth, rather than just be held)

"I am so not speaking to you until you quit whining and begin to speak in complete sentences the previously mentioned "I wuv you, Mama.")

"You have got to chill out!" (Surfer dude speak totally doesn't jive with toddlers and will not put a stop to a meltdown, just in case you were curious)




Blue Momma said...

I always get a laugh and it tends to relieve the tension in the situation after I catch myself telling Punkin' - "Stop it! You're acting like you're two years old!!!"

Yeah, he IS two years old. Did I forgot to mention I'm reaLLLLy smart?

M said...

AHhh. So glad I'm not the only one with such classic lines.

Of course I tell my son I'm going to sell him on ebay if he doesn't behave. Mother of the year anyone?

(BTW: I call Liam dude. that helps with the surfer speak. Try saying DUDE you have got to chill out.)

Kellie said...

I tell Morgan (at a young 18 months), she needs to stop being a baby; to STOP, for the love of SHOES, standing on her potty seat and to PLEASE stop eating with her hands. I'm pretty sure I've also told her she's making a big deal out of nothing (really? What's NOT a big deal to an 18 month old??) and I call her a "punk" when she's doing things that annoy me: smashing into the tv, standing on her potty chair, sticking her finger in the dog's ears.

I wonder if Morgan and Little Man communicate via toddler web at night and conspire on ways to annoy us?

random_mommy said...

Some of this will haunt him... like when my mother told me at age 5 that "only poor people and dirty people get fat/ only poor people go to public parks/ and my favorite, only poor people get fat."

myminivanisfasterthanyours said...

This morning I dropped a large bowl of blueberries on the kitchen floor, and as my kids are running to it because of course they couldn't stop the magnetic force drawing them in, I yelled, "Don't step on the blueberries!" And the rest, my friend, is history.

CPA Mom said...

Wait, wait, all these sound like reasonable things to say to a 22 month old to me! Where am I going wrong?

p.s. Thanks to you, I can no longer drink vanilla Slim-Fast. Great.

That Chick Over There said...

I told Boy Child yesterday to not be a penis hole.


Rachel said...

It's really nice to know I'm not the only one that says really really retarded things to a toddler.

Does Little Man look at you like you've just sprouted 3 extra heads too?

Alyssa said...

freaking histerical!!!