Friday, July 27, 2007

That's Not The Answer We're Looking For, Here Are Your Parting Gifts

"Sweetie Pie?

- Hmmm

- Do you think my ass is any smaller today?

(scrutinizes my glutteus maximus)

- Yeah, you've definitely lost some weight

- Do you think my stomach is flatter.

(scrutinizes my stomach)

- Yeah, it's definitely flatter.

- Why did you emphasize definitely?

- Huh?

- You emphasized the word "definitely." Did you think I had a gut before.

(without pausing) - Yeah, you definitely had a gut.

- How dare you say that!

- What's your problem? It's not like I said anything to you when you had the gut. I can't even tell you after you're thinner that yeah, you had porked up, even though you fully well know you'd porked up since you went on a diet?

- Yes, that's exactly right. The answer is always no!"

I mean, seriously. We're about to celebrate our fifth anniversary. Is the man just completely untrainable?

Love,

Catwoman.

13 comments:

Elle said...

ROFL ohhhhhhhhhhh

they are damed if they do and damned if they don't aren't they?

Slick said...

Ha!!

I'm definitely renewing his mancard today!!

Kellie said...

Does he WANT to spend the night of his 5th anniversary alone? As in ALONE? Pfft. Dude. Get with it!! :)

Rachel said...

Dude, my husband told me a couple of weeks ago that I looked pregnant!!!!!!! WTF!!!!

Men are stupid.

NeUrOtIc CuRb ChEcKiNg SuV dRiVeR said...

Remember what I told you about the 7 year itch. The BEST is yet to come.... Oh, stupid men. They are totally untrainable.

Beccy said...

I'd never ask my hubby anything like that-he'd be brutally honest so I prefer to live in cloud cukoo land!

Julie said...

Get him a shock collar - maybe that will help train him! : )

myminivanisfasterthanyours said...

We are most definitely living parellel lives!

You're the best!

Slick said...

I came back to check the comments and after reading them all (except my own, of course), I am feeling battered and abused.

random_mommy said...

porker is a funny word. huh huh. porker.

jesse said...

ROFL-seriously men just have to many brain farts to remember what they've been told.

That Chick Over There said...

I just don't ask either.

Not that he NOTICED the TWENTY-FIVE DAMN POUNDS I'VE LOST.

But anyway.

Nick said...

oh man, don't get me started. when i start getting those questions, i IMMEDIATELY start disagreeing or making comments to the contrary... ie. "actually your ass looks at least a couple sizes bigger than the last time i payed any attention to it. i didn't start dating you thinking your ass was gonna get any smaller at any point." for me this is the best way to handle the situation because then the s.o. in question is stopped right in her tracks before she can start beating you down with more questions serving no other purpose than to build her own self-esteem. hopefully she'll just call me a name and go blog about how dumb i am so i can go back to watching the game. ;-P