Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Random Mommy's Questions

So about eight years ago, Random Mommy asked a bunch of questions on her blog and I was pinpointed as one of the people expected to answer.

Naturally, I rebelled against this, because I have a problem with any kind of authority, even the seven-month pregnant with a gorgeous head of hair kind. You tell me what to do, and I will promptly not do it. That's how I roll.

Until I realize that I have nothing to post and that if you guys hear about my diet one more time and Sweetie Pie's snarky comments, you'll all die from too much eye rolling. So, I've decided to answer these questions. Not because I've been told to do so. It's just I feel like it could put an end to global warming if I do this, and I don't want to be held responsible for killing polar bears.

1. How many one night stands have you had?

Leave it to Random Mommy to start off strong. So here's where I get to be honest.

I don't know.

I know, right? But here's the thing. After sleeping with guy number three or five or 10, I decided that I wouldn't keep track of the number of guys I slept with. This was my one act as a feminist, that I couldn't be labeled that stupid moniker of slut if I couldn't honestly give a number.

So let's just say I've had a few one night stands. I'm pretty sure it's less than five.

But there was a lot of drinking during those years in debating. And lots of cute boys to flirt with. And then there were my three months in Spain. And my active night life in my early 20's. So at worse, I'd say it's under 10.

Enough to say, I am not looking forward to discussing the birds and the bees with my kids.

And I'm especially terrified of having a girl.

2. What's your grossest habit?

Uhm, I'll assume that we're talking about now, because we all know about my grossest habit when I was 13.

Although, my grossest habit now is closely linked to my gross habit of the ghost of Catwoman past.

I can't see a zit and not pick it. Whether it's on me or my hubby. It grosses me out just to think about it, because ewww, picking other people's zits? Turns my own stomach really, but if Sweetie Pie has a big juicy white head on his back, I have to pop it. It's like this urge, deep inside of me. He won't let me touch them, so sometimes, I'll make out with him when he's not wearing a shirt and stroke his back looking for the zit and try to pop it without him noticing.

It irritates the crap out of him. I think it's because he's thinking he's about to get laid, when really, I'm just out for blood.

3. Did you ever experiment with a member of the same sex?

Nope, there's something I've actually never done. It's kind of funny, because in a lot of ways, I'm the official friend of gay guys. I attract them by the hundreds. If I had to pick one kind of person to live with on a deserted island, I'd tell you to drop me off on gay men deserted island, because they are my peeps, where I can be myself, flirt like crazy and not worry about adding to my tally. Plus they say fantastic things to me like one time when one of my gay buddies told me that my body made him want to go straight. How can you not love someone who's hot and says stuff to you like that without trying to get into your pants.

But back to the topic on hand. Nope, no experimentation for me.

4. What is your biggest pet peeve with strangers? With your spouse?

With strangers? So many! I hate people who shuffle their feet when they walk. It's like, how freaking lazy are you? Lift your freaking feet up when you walk. Or people who refuse to blow their nose, like their boogers are made of gold, so they snort it back in every few minutes. This makes my ears bleed so bad and sends waves of revulsion all the way down to my toes.

I also hate stupidity, rudeness, people with a superiority complex, body odor and sleaziness. Basically, just send me to that previously mentioned gay island, because the rest of society? Sucks butt munch.

In Sweetie Pie, my biggest pet peeve is that he's not great with hygiene. Like yesterday, he goes to empty the dishwasher, and I knew the hand soap by the kitchen sink was empty, because I'd used the last of it right before making dinner and hadn't had a chance to refill it yet. So as he's holding half of our plates in his nasty men hands, I ask him "how did you wash your hands when that soap dispenser is empty?" And he says, "well, I just rinsed them off, since there's no soap." There are 3.5 baths in our house. All of them have soap. But no, he'd rather cover our clean dishes with his nasty germs rather than walk his ass over to a bathroom.

5. Favorite band of all time?

That's a tough one, because my taste in music changes all the time. If I had to pick just one though, I think I'd have to say Bon Jovi. I know that's probably really lame, but I still love most of their songs, even some of the new stuff. I'd love to see them in concert. I also really, really heart Nickelback, even though I know all of their songs sound exactly the same. I just love their sound, love their songs and have a ton of their stuff in my iPod.

6. Person you wish you knew more about?

Man, that's hard. I have no clue. So I'll go with Santa Claus. I mean, what's the man's motivation? He builds toys all year round, and then gets in a sleigh with a bunch of deer and flies all over the world, including Texas, which has 3.2 rifles for each citizen, during deer hunting season. I just think he'd be fun to sit with for coffee. But I wouldn't let him have a scone, because his beard is so long he'd probably get crumbs in it, and that grosses the crap out of me. Add that as well to my list of pet peeves in strangers.

Anyone else got questions for me? I'll answer anything.




Blue Momma said...

I just soooo don't get the zit thing. Other people's that is. Now I can't resist my own, and thankfully I don't have many, but others?

Hellllll no!

And don't ask me to cut your toenails either!

My grandmother wanted me to brush her teeth!! Ugggghhh.

Can you tell I have touching issues?

Anonymous said...

I heart me some Nickelback, too!! Especially the drummer!!

Dude. Seriously? 3.5 bathrooms? I despise filling soap and cleaning TWO bathrooms.

monster's momma said...

my hubby will actually flat out lie when I ask if he washed his hands. men are idiots.

NeUrOtIc CuRb ChEcKiNg SuV dRiVeR said...

Oh, my God! I have the same phobia about clogged pores. My hubby's blackheads seriously drive me nuts to the point that I, too, will do a make out to get a back zit, HA. I've been fighting with him for years about using a scrub, cause who really uses body soap on their faces?? Ugh. But, my obsession runs not only to my hubby but my dad. Before we got married, I'd "preen" my dad almost nightly...keeping the unsightly yuckys away. I'm telling you, we're cut from the same mold.

Julie said...

Here is one for you, if Sweetie Pie gave you a "free ticket" for a one night stand with a celeb - who would you use it on?

Rachel said...

I heart you.

myminivanisfasterthanyours said...

Catwoman, I don't wanna leave you hanging out there on the ledge all alone, so I'll come out there with you. Bon Jovi ROCKS! And please, could he BE any better looking?

Shock to the heart...

M said...

I'm so bursting out some Rod Stewart for you because really? Have I told you lately that I love you? I do. You made me piss myself as I caught up on what I've missed lately. Yeah yeah yeah you rock you roll etc etc. xoxo

CPA Mom said...

uh, zit thing for me too. I cannot stand to see them and not pop them. luckily, I don't get them often. TMI. Moving on....

question, if I handed you $1 million today, what would you do with it?

Skittles said...

Interesting questions! I'm here from a link from a link from.. well, you know how it goes. :)