Tuesday, July 24, 2007

It's Official, I'm Not Funny

So a few weeks ago, I opened the kimono. I put my blog on Humor Blogs and I decided to accept to be reviewed.

I don't think of myself as a humor blog, necessarily. Hell, in many ways, I still don't consider myself a blog period. This started three years ago as something I did because a couple of my friends had blogs. No one read or commented on most days. I got tired of it, it had no purpose, I had nothing to write, so I kind of dropped it for a little bit. And then I got pregnant. And I did have something to blog about. And it didn't matter if anyone read or cared, this blog became my online diary. And then I discovered Dooce, and my hormonal self wept openly at the sweet letters she wrote each month to her baby Leta and I decided right then and there that I would do the same thing for my kids. And so this place is my online baby book in many ways, because lord knows I have not been good anywhere else at marking down the first tooth, the first step, the first fart and all the other things good moms should do.

And then Emma discovered me and she began reading. And commenting. And then she told others to read. And now, I've got this close knit group of blog friends who I interact with every day. And who tell me that I make them laugh. And who led me to think "I'm kind of funny! I should list myself on Humor blogs." Yeah, it's called over confidence.

And here's the thing. All of you who read me are moms, for the most part. And I'm sorry to tell you that, apparently? Being a mom? Is not funny. You didn't know either? Must be the mommy brain effect.

Apparently, there are different types of blogs: there are funny blogs. And there are mommy blogs.

And the two? They cannot be both. Moms clean up snotty noses and scrape poop from under their nails. But at no time should a mother be funny. Because that would be time taken away from vacuuming while wearing pearls.

Did you guys know that? I sure didn't! Apparently, even when I post about collecting blackheads as a kid, I'm still a mommy, so that doesn't make me funny.

I scored in the 24th percentile! That means 76 percent of blogs do better than I do in the ratings. How great is that?

I knew I was being reviewed. And so for the last week, I have been petrified. You'll notice that most of my postings last week occured much later in the day than normal. The reason for that is that I literally stared at the blank computer for hours thinking to myself "be funny, be funny!" And the pressure? Practically made me throw up. Because I'm kind of a perfectionist and I want people to love me and having random people who were going to judge me on these posts, really made me poop a lot last week.

Some of the comments made me giggle though, and I must share them with you, my trusted friends.

"I liked this blog, but I don't know how funny it is, per se. I think it's more of a mommy blog than a humor blog, which I don't consider a knock at all. If it were a college student it would be majoring in Mommy with a minor in Humor."

I like this actually and will use this as my new blog tagline.

Another blog about kids and cats and families and shopping and stuff. Just what the internet needed. Probably GREAT for the author's family and friends, not so interesting to the rest of us.

Which is really quite perfect. Because, really, I wouldn't want friends who aren't interested in that stuff since it's you know, my life. And I know that as a friend, I'm interested in my friend's lives. But that might just be a Canadian thing for all I know. And also? I doubt this person even read much of my blog, because I can't remember the last time I blogged about cats.

Dumb stories about her kids. The template is clean. Not my thing.

First of all, I have one kid. That's singular. Second of all, nothing about my kid is dumb, especially not the stories about him. I'm sorry if my child is not solving complex quantum physics equation, but he's 22 months old and What to Expect the Toddler Years says I shouldn't be worried about him doing so until he's 25 months old and still can't name all the elements of the periodic table. So there are times where he gets red and orange confused, but that doesn't make him dumb. And my template is clean, because I bathe it nightly. The only filthy things I like are minds.

If I were doing a review for Mommy Humor Blogs, I might have given Canadian Thoughts a higher score. Unfortunately, because I'm over that "diaper" stage in raising my kids, poopie diapers no longer crack me up. Mommy Blogggers are very cute and loads fun, but not necessarily hilarious.

I hope that when Little Man is 18 and (hopefully) out of diapers, I haven't become so disenchanted with the world that I can't find other people's toddlers amusing. At least I'm very cute, so that's good. I should have posted a picture of my ass in my new jeans for bonus points.

A humor blog about someone's kid and the mundane things about life are not funny.

Also not funny? World hunger. The war in Iraq. And people who can't see the humor in every day life.

If you want to see my scores and the rest of the comments, check them out

And don't worry about filling my comments with warm and fuzzies telling me how much you love me. Because I'm just happy this is all over and really? It's not as bad as it could have been. But just for fun, click on some of the other blogs listed and tell me whether they are any funnier than mine.

I'm just relieved it's over. And
Chick will be reviewed in the next few weeks too. You can bet that this reviewer will give her mucho love and bestow the highest number of points to her! :)




Blue Momma said...

Catwoman, you kick ass!

And 24th percentile? I would just take that as showing you appeal to people with discriminating taste, and not the ignorant masses!

Love your blog, love Little Man, love you!

Bring Little Man for a playdate.

But teach him to wrestle first and maybe wear a bike helment...

Rachel said...

Dude! You are freakin funny, I don't care what they say!!

As I was reading I was thinking, when the hell does she blog about cats?

Little Man stories are always funny!!

Loukia said...

Whatever, your blog is awesome and mommy blogs are the best blogs there are! I actually have zero interest in reading blogs that aren't about mommyhood!

Kellie said...

Dudette? You KICK it in the funny. Those that reviewed your blog? Clearly have sticks shoved somewhere.

CPA Mom said...

So what does that say about me that I think you are side-splitting funny?

random_mommy said...

F those effing F'ers.

myminivanisfasterthanyours said...

Then I am DEFINITELY not submitting my blog for review. Whenever my friends compliment my rambling I always send them over to your blog for ACTUAL humor.

And by the way, how is it that you always comment on my blog when I'm in the middle of reading yours? And Oprah says there's no such thing as coincidences. Hmmm...

You rock, Sister!

NeUrOtIc CuRb ChEcKiNg SuV dRiVeR said...

You are the funniest person I know. You inspired me to start my blog this past weekend. And, sadly enough, I got a comment from someone who thought I was being prejudiced in my sarcasm in the freakin second ever post. So, if you are in the 24%, gee, where does that put me?

And, being one of the few of your "roadies" who actually hangs with both you & Little Man, I think you should ignore the criticism. You rock sister.

M said...

OMG whose blog were they READING? Cod help them. You crack my shit up.

And why, oh why, is "MOMMYBLOG" such a dirty word? It kinda makes me throw up in my mouth a little just hearing it slung around.

Though dammit I'm GLAD my life is mundane and mommy filled.

I cannot believe you only scored 24%. Of course I can imagine the other 74% are not 'real' blogs but blogs that are specifically funny and lack in actual content.

BTW: Do you think they have a site for dysfunctional drama with a lot of profanity there? Because I bet I'd score higher than 99% of people there.

Melissa said...

"If it were a college student it would be majoring in Mommy with a minor in Humor"

Haha! Hilarious! Seriously, you make me laugh out load most days. That's why I like you. Most comedy movies don't do it for me. And because I am a mommy, that means tightly crossing my legs so I don't pee my pants... otherwise I would do that too. :)

Beccy said...

I think those commentors need to find a sense of hunour, from a lot of the comments they SOOOO didn't read your posts properly!

jesse said...

Who cares what they thought we all think you're funny and I'm like you I hope I always get a kick out of parents kid stories no matter the age.

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

I wouldn't put too much stock into those reviews.

I don't blog for ratings or for rave reviews.
I blog because I want to.
it is a way to express myself.
If people like it, they'll come back and read more.

And hopefully someone will be blessed along the way.

By the way, you are way funny, and you rock!

Jhianna said...

They need to take the stick out from whence it is currently residing, that's all I'm sayin.

Bah on them for not taking time to actually look at you and ThatChickOverThere both - instead of just jumping to some lame conclusion. You guys are both my kind of funny: spiced with real life and heartbreak and love.

(I left this comment over on Jason. For the love of God. too)

monster's momma said...

you kicked the hot librarian's butt!
the mama mafia knows you're funny - who else matters?

Julie said...

Ok, just getting to read this post today and I have to laugh. You were brave to put yourself out there. Even if the reviewers don't find you funny I do!

And your new tagline/headline is precious.

Alyssa said...

well screw them I think you are funny and I always come here for a good chuckle. What do I know I am just a mom.....but now I am a mom with really nice tits!