Friday, July 13, 2007

Because You're All a Nosy Bunch

Sigh. I'm not happy with you guys right now. I write a loving, sweet post about my son being possessed by the devil, and instead of having you guys say "oh, how sweet! You're the mother of the horned one" you focus instead one one tiny little itsy bitsy so small and really not that odd fact that I once collected blackheads.

What, like you're so perfect? Like you've never collected the content of your clogged pores ever?

Seriously? You didn't?

Huh, I guess we couldn't have been friends in grade 9 then.

Although, that was kind of the year where I really didn't have any friends. Except for this weird girl, Stephanie, who's hair was so big and curly and out of control, that she'd given up on even brushing it. Also, she never talked. I did all of the talking in the friendship. Which means that we got along famously.

We'd spend our lunch hour either walking laps around the track, ignoring the evil comments from the other kids, or in the game room (we had one, how odd is that) playing boardgames like the game of Life. Really, I think we were just undiscovered popular girls.

But back to the blackhead collection thing.

Here's what I can tell you. I'm a pack rat. I don't like to throw stuff out. And I'm a collector of things. In my life, I've collected many things. Like stickers. And erasers. And matchbooks. And PEZ dispensers. And one night stands.

And yet none of these things seem odd to you.

But blackheads? That creates a brouhaha?

Here's how it got started. I have a tendency to have blackheads. As we speak, I have a nice coat of foundation of my nose to hide the fact that my pores are more likely clogged by a blackhead than not. You know that girl in the Biore strip commercial that removes the strip and says "EW! It looks like a cactus!"? That girl is me.

So 18 years ago, I squeezed a blackhead, and the thing was as big as a cat. Maybe not a cat, probably more like a squirrel.

I was so impressed by the ginormousness of this blackhead that, for whatever reason, my brain decided that it had to be saved. And for the next few days, every time I would manage to squeeze out a blackhead that I considered to be large enough to be kept like a pet, I would do so.

My damn snoopy sisters discovered my little box on my dresser and saw dried things that looked like tiny boogers in them. They were horrified. I told them, in that superior tone that the oldest sibling is allowed to use, that they were idiots and that these were in fact blackheads and not boogers.

They mocked me so endlessly, that I eventually threw out the blackhead collection in order to shut them up.

Other weird things I did during that phase was keep my CD collection alphabetized and created a library check out system for my sisters to borrow them. Also, I collected pennies, and I once spent an entire Sunday rolling them in stacks of 10 of the same year. I sorted them for about two hours, and then I made little stacks of 10 and wrapped them in scotch tape. I then counted my stacks and realized that I had over 800 pennies.

If you ask me, the 13-year old me seriously needed to get some kind of hobby. Or to get laid.

So there. Can we move past this now?

Love,

Catwoman.

15 comments:

M said...

Dude I would SO have been friends with you.

I was that freaking weird too.

I wanted to save my giant blackhead I pulled out the other week but I was afraid my husband might divorce me.

YEAH for being freaks of nature. xoxoxoxo

ohio blue eyes said...

Up until today I thought I had the gag-reflex's of a seasoned porn star, to which always pleases my husband to no end, oh wait, what? OH yeah, back to gagging. TODAY I almost BARFED ON MY DESK reading this post. GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG GAG

You are a FUH-REAK.

But I still love you.

(I saved my c-section staples and artfully aranged them in TP's baby book, but dude, blackheads? NASTY)

Holly said...

Certainly pretty strange. I thought the weirdest thing you'd done was the eating strange French foods like sardines for lunch? I like you anyway.

Rachel said...

Gah you're a freak!! But, I still luv ya! Blackheads and all!

One night stands...bwaaaaahahahaha!

Julie said...

Thanks for clarifying your "hobby" for us. Maybe you were on to something back then. Now you could probably sell them on the internet. Ohh, of if you collected Lindsey's or Britney's blackheads you could be rich. OOOO, or one shaped like the Virgin Mary! That would be a big money maker.

Now I'd like to hear about your collection of one night stands?! Any celebs in there? : )

Kellie said...

I, too, thought I had the gag reflexes of a porn star. Not so much reading this :)

I'd never imagined you as a freak, or an undiscovered popular girl. Seriously. Surpised me on that one.

MartiniGal said...

Oh how I love thee!!! I know I don't comment much anymore, but I read daily!!! Miss you tons! I have wanted to keep my black heads too. I want to see everything that comes out of my body! :) Don't forget to add me to your blogroll again with my new site! :)

random_mommy said...

When one of Buddha's fingernails fell off, Husband and I didn't have the heart to throw it out because it was a part of him.

I SOOO wish I had known you in high school!

Beccy said...

I used to be amazed by my whopper blackheads but never considered collecting them, I went for boring things like bookmarks and thimbles!

I used to grow the most ginormous blackheads in my shoulder!

Emma in Canada said...

Doesn't everyone alphabetize their CDs? How else would you find them?

I too had a library check out system, but just for the Archie comics I lent to kids in my gr 5 class.

You really need to share the one night stand collection. I have one of those too.

That Chick Over There said...

I think possibly I was the girl you are referring to named Stephanie who had the uncontrollable hair.

In which case, call me!

Blue Momma said...

The whole blackhead thing - I'm just trying to block it out. Gross.

But if Buddha's head starts spinning around I want to see a picture!

I'm expecting a pea soup shower from my spawn. any day now ...

alissa said...

Oh. My. God.

YOU'RE A FREAK!!!!

(I guess by now you know that.)

I would have never, ever guessed!

If you were my sibling, you'd totally be in therapy now cuz I'd STILL be making fun of you.

And, more likely than not, I'll be bringing in up in a future comment.

As for the CD's... duh. They MUST be alphabetized. And then, ordered chronologically.

As for the library system.. good idea. BUT then implies that you were actually okay lending them out. Sorry, no. No, you CANNOT borrow my CDs.

(Did I mention I spent my high school years working in a record store and had over 1500 CDs?!)

And now? They're all in Pampers boxes stacked in my basement, collecting dust. Next to my husbands' RECORD collection. GAH.

jesse said...

Hmmm what to say but I'm that girl on the Biore commercial too. On my nose and the sides to me the pores look huge, but hey whatever. As for the blackhead thing I can't believe I wasn't grossed out by it-sure it kind of gross to save them but I have and maybe that's why it didn't gross me out. I used to show mine to my sister just cuz. He we're all a little freaky and weird sometimes.

My Minivan Is Faster Than Yours said...

You're awesome. I still deny everything I said and did between 1980 and last night. Enough said :)