Friday, June 01, 2007

Since I Have Nothing Else, Let's Talk About Poop

So I didn't blog yesterday. This was kind of an accident, because work was crazy and by the time I realized mid-afternoon that I hadn't had time to inhale, let alone blog, I'd written six press releases and the idea of writing anything else but a suicide note seemed like way too much effort.

And today, I'm trying to get back into it, but the thing is? I don't have anything to say. Well, I have lots to say, but none of it funny.

Like I wonder what the hell is up with that lawyer with tuberculosis who flew to Europe when he was told he shouldn't go. And what kind of woman thinks to herself that she's made the downpayment on the flowers and the cake, and she'll be damned if she has to postpone her wedding just because the groom has some highly contagious disease. Hope she made him wear a mask during the wedding.

And the fact that he not only flew to France, but then he flies back through Canada to try to evade the government? Now that's a great way to seriously piss me off. You don't just infect one country I have citizenship in, but three???? Dude, I can't help but take that personally, you scummy lawyer who just happens to have a father-in-law who's like one in 20 people who researches tuberculosis.

But since that's not funny at all, let's talk about poop! Because I'm assuming my entire readership consists of 12 year old boys and moms who are like me and think like 12 year old boys.

Little Man continues to have pooping issues. He went through two days last week when he didn't poop, so we spent most of the long weekend on prune juice, with my hoping that I wouldn't have to do the suppository laxative again, because really? I'd like to minimize the number of times I have to squirt stuff up my son's ass, because I figure it'll also minimize my chances of telling his future girlfriends about it.

On Sunday night, we were having dinner, with Little Man sitting in his chair, when he casually lifted a leg and butt cheek and let the world's biggest man fart rip. Which of course caused Sweetie Pie and I to giggle, until I realized when I let him down that the fart that shook the world and broke windows in high rises in Tokyo had also caused Little Man's Huggie diaper to wave the white flag.

So we laid off the prune juice for a few days. But it seems to me that Little Man can only have one of two situations: no poop or enough to fill the lakes of Minnesota.

A couple of nights ago, Sweetie Pie was giving Little Man a bath. Little Man was happily playing in his tub, trying to make sure that he relocated every drop of water to somewhere other than the tub, when he bent down and let out a fart that caused ripples in the neighbor's pool.

He just looked at Sweetie Pie and burst out laughing, and proceeded to imitate himself farting for the next ten minutes.

Some day, he'll be some lucky girl's dream man.




beebop said...

he is a gem, your son! hopefully he and E can meet, fart, and be merry someday!
i will do a post regarding poop today, in your honor.

M said...

I'm all about the poop. In fact I have a pic of girlchild farting yesterday that I fully intend to post. Perfect Friday craziness.

Additionally...I could rant about that f'ing idiot atlanta lawyer with TB all day. He actually hit 4 countries. At least. He flew out of a different European country than he flew into. And is now claiming he was told it wasn't contageous and he didn't want to miss his wedding.

Um...riiiiiiight. So you flew into CANADA as part of your master plan to take the long route home? My ass you inconsiderate jerk.

See. I can be incredibly not funny too. Oh, wait, that's every day. Oops.

Emma in Canada said...

Ah boys and their farts. Atleast girls learn to cover it up.

jesse said...

Your post had me laughing and yes he will grow up and make some girl real happy. I'm that lucky girl who married a guy who does the same thing-some boys never change. I didn't know what to write about today but becaue of your poop story I have one that I would like to post if that's ok with you.

monster's momma said...

my monster looked at her daddy the other day, said "poo poo", and then farted. she's lovely.

Rachel said...

Ha ha ha, but he's cute, so he can get away with that stuff!

Loukia said...

Haha... so cute... even farts are cute to us moms, huh? ;)

random_mommy said...

Little Man is just too awesome. I have a daughter on the way... make him keep that in mind.

Kellie said...

Farts from little people are funny. Morgan's already making us proud :)

I, too, am not all that happy with the TB guy. Moron.

No writing of suicide notes. Please. Thanks.

Ms. Porter said...

Ahhh farts...I'm one of your readers who thinks like a 12 year old boy. I've been complaining on my blog about my new dogs stinky farts...he's fitting into this family very well.

Elle said...

I'm the queen of poo. I'm sure you've heard my rants LOL. LOL at the bathtime farties. My darling girls love a good fart!