Monday, June 25, 2007

Murder at Old Navy

I've been in customer service. I've talked before on here about being a flight attendant. And having a pregnant woman almost punch me because we were stuck on a tarmac with no A/C and she was hot and I told her I was sorry, and that I was hot too. Apparently, that makes pregnant women want to punch you when you sympathize with them. There were also many grabbings of my ass, because our very unattractive grandma navy blue pants? Apparently it made my butt look like a porn star's.

Another time, a man leaned down while I was putting his dirty meal tray into my cart and said to me "don't you wished you'd stayed in school?" This offended me to no end, because one, this was the job that was putting me through school, I was working on my B.A. at the time. Also? The guy working the aisle across from me was doing his PhD and our flight director was working on her MBA. So we were probably one smart crew. Second of all? You can't even be a flight attendant without some kind of degree, because it's the second most wanted job after actress, and they've got their pic of people. Third of all, even if we were all high school drop outs, who the hell are you to judge me???? And so I just smiled at him, told him that I was actually in my third year of university, told him about the PhD and MBA students also working the flight and then sweetly asked "and what grade did you drop out of sir?"

My point is, that working with the public sucks. But even at my worst point as a flight attendant, the point where I hated humanity and thought that all human beings were evil and that I wanted to save up to buy myself a deserted island where I would never have to be called bitch or way worse words just because the flight was delayed, even then, I'd give people the benefit of the doubt, where I wouldn't be rude to them until they were rude to me.

This weekend, I stopped by Old Navy with Little Man and saw a bunch of jeans on clearance, so threw a few different ones into the cart. Now, I should stop here and say that I was being realistic here. I think every woman does this, but I have two sizes: thinner catwoman size, and not-so-thin catwoman size. All of the jeans I had in the cart were not-so-thin size, because right now? My love of my morning bagel with bacon (BACON!!!!) cream cheese? It's kind of making my ass take over another county.

I walk into the change area and I've got Little Man in one of the Old Navy carts, strapped in, and really, because I'm alone with him, I'd like to keep him in there. Since I had way more than six items with me, because I'd grabbed a bunch of baby clothes for Little Man, I took the baby stuff aside and said to the girl, with a smile on my face, "let me leave these here so I don't go over the quota, but please make sure one of your coworkers doesn't put these back on the shelf." This was said in a pleasant voice. The mousy ugly girl in the rest room barks at me "I'll put it on the bench there."

Uhm... OK. Did I run your dog over on my way into the change room?

So then, she unlocks a tiny little stall for me. Looking down at the big ass cart with Little Man in it, I said to her, "uhm, I don't think I can fit in there, can I just use the handicapped one?" Because honestly, every store I've ever been in, that's what they do for women with strollers or carts.

So mousy ugly hater of life girl rolls her eyes at me and says "Other people have fit in there, so I'm sure you can to."

Wh-what?

Did I steal a boyfriend from you bitch? Do you not see I have an absolutely adorable tot with me? Shouldn't the glow that emulates from the cart soften you up at all?

I'm so shell shocked at this point that I push the cart in, squeeze myself into the three inches left and proceed to try to change into the jeans by hanging myself upside down from the hooks.

And just to add to my misery, I cannot button any of the jeans. It's like Old Navy has shrunk all of their pants or something. So now I'm really, really unhappy.

As I try to get out of the change room, I have to try to open the door just enough to get myself out, and of course, this door is one that opens into the stall, rather than out, so that it really is an impossible situation.

Right as I've got the door opened enough to get myself out, Little Man lets out this horrible scream, the kind that curdles your blood and breaks windows at high rises 40 miles away. The kind of scream that you know means "holy shit, he is injured."

I look and Little Man had placed his hand on the side of the cart, so that when I opened the door, the sharp corner pinched his finger between the cart and the door.

I start closing the door back up, and my now purple screaming child isn't moving his little hand. I look at his finger and there's a dent in it. I begin to kiss it, near tears myself at this point and my first reaction is to want to eat this bitch's entrails for dinner, because she did this. If bitch had let me use the bathroom, this never would have happened.

Little Man is in so much pain, that my kissing of his little finger, instead of soothing him like it normally does, only causes him to be more angry and he hits me repeatedly, still screaming at octaves that make my brain throb, I exit the stall with Little Man in my arms, leaving the cart and all the pants (off the hangers! Take that bitch!!!!!) and the bitch smirks at me and says "is he okay?"

To which I began to tear her a new one and tell her that she is the worst person that Old Navy has ever hired.

I was way too upset to get her name, but at the cash register, on my receipt I had one of those "take our survey!" things and you can bet that I'll be taking that survey. Oh yes I will. And someone, someone who can't even be nice to people who are being nice to them will get the online lashing of her life.

Little Man's finger is fine, and he was calmed down by the time we got to the car. But here's your warning, mousy ugly bitch. If you fuck with any of our babies and your actions somehow cause them pain, the Mama Mafia will get you. We'll serve you your knee caps for dinner, with a delightfully creamy marinara sauce.

Love,

Catwoman.

10 comments:

Kellie said...

Let's go shopping at Old Navy tonight. No kids, no husbands. Hell, we don't even need money for this journey :) I'll drive.

What bitch--hate people like her with a PASSION!! She's ranking up there on my list of morons I'd like to push over a balcony!!

monster's momma said...

oooh. I wonder if I can rename our group mama mafia?!

Loukia said...

OMG, POOR, POOR you! What a stupid, horrible experience. I hate people like that, I'd probably have bitched her out. When people see moms with babies in strollers or carts, they should be a bit more sympathetic, you know? Sucks! I'm sorry! Glad to hear his finger is okay. Anyway as for Old Navy shrinking their sizes, I think you're onto something. I had the same thing happen to me a few times there. I'm conviced the wrong size was sewed onto certain pairs of pants!

jesse said...

Mama Mafia-I love it! I would so change the name of my blog for that or at least we should start one. I think I would have to slap that women. I've been in jobs where it's nothing but customer service and it does suck but dang you should have rammed your cart into her. Oh and at one point I had thought about being a flight attendent.

Beccy said...

What an awful experince. I sometimes wonder where shops get their staff from-the school of incompetent bitches prehaps?

Julie said...

What a bitch! Like it would have been SO hard for her to open another dressing room for you. To bad Little Man didn't "accidentially" knock over a display of nicely folded t-shirts on his way out. I'm sure that would have made his finger feel much better! : )

Slick said...

Little Man coulda hung out with me while you changed clothes and all. We could've sat at the front door and remarked on all the ladies that walked by.

Sorry about them troubles but you're right...customer service ain't nothing like it used to be. No one enforces it anymore...it's crappy.

Maybe she had to stay late and put back the clothes you took in there ;)

Rachel said...

Seriously, you should move here, because you and I would be great friends! You shoulda kicked her ass right there, but, I guess Little Man probably didn't need to see that, huh.

I'm glad his little finger is ok!

Mama Mafia rules!

Elle said...

ugh what a douche bag!!! Some people are just so ignornant.

M said...

I feel extreme violence right now. did I mention the meds aren't working? Watch out old navy bitch. I'll cut you! (boy now if THAT doesn't get someone calling cps on me I don't know what will.)

I'm glad he's okay. And, um, I agree old navy shrunk their sizes. I was there last night and yeah. Even their fat girl sizes? Are not so fat. WTF. They always used to be a little GENEROUSLY sized.