Thursday, June 21, 2007

Heart Attacks

So shower time is my time. While I'm in the shower, I like to plan my day, I like to day dream, I like to pretend that I'm accepting an Oscar for the third year in a row, and really, I'm kind of bored with the whole thing, because my last role, I played a stripper who becomes President of the United States and has a the horrible disability of not being able to grow her nails long. And yet, still they continue to give me the Oscar.

But I've lost my train of thought. Oh, yeah, so my point is, that in the shower, I am no longer part of this universe. I'm in Catwoman land, a place where sheep nuzzle you all day long and little tiger cubs sleep in your arms. Also? gas only costs 25 cents a gallon there and it doesn't cause global warming at all, in fact, in Catwoman land, gas fumes create rainbows and cause world peace.

And so I lose my train of thought again. So in the shower, I'm unaware of what's going on around me. And so this morning, as I was picturing myself on our family vacation running through Sesame Place holding Elmo's hand, and then picture Sweetie Pie and I during our romantic three days away, just the two of us, and I was blissfully happy, far, far away, when all of a sudden what sounded like a bomb hit the shower door and exclaimed at a decibel that I can only equal to supersonic "MAMA!"

When my skeleton came off the ceiling, picked up my flabby skin off the shower floor, climbed back into it and managed to slow my heart rate down to about 300 beats per minute, I realized, of course, that Little Man had left the comfort of our bed where he was watching Jojo's circus and had entered the bathroom to see where I was hiding and was thrilled to have found me.

Me? I was just relieved that I always remember to pee before I get in the shower.

Love,

Catwoman.

9 comments:

Kellie said...

Not funny you almost had a heart attack, but it IS pretty amusing. Me? I'm with you and happy I remember to pee before showering,too. Nothing like the door being smashed off the track or shoved open while in the middle of planning my vacation to a deserted island with Paul Walker, Jr!!

Also? I SO want to live in Catwoman Land where gas is 25 cents/gallon!!

elle said...

LMAO - my kids do that to me too. Except it's "MAMA ARE YOU IN THE SHOWER?"

M said...

Hey at least if you forget to pee beforehand clean up is easy! ;)

Rachel said...

Holy hell, girl, I love reading your blog! You are awesome!

random_mommy said...

I soooo pee in the shower. One of my grossities.

That Chick Over There said...

It's totally okay to pee in the shower. Unless someone's in there with you.

Beccy said...

Lol, I missed your humour in my absense!

Julie said...

Talk about a reality check!

Paul said...

Well, I always make sure not to pee, just in case one of my boys tries to get in & ruin my time...heh heh. Hubby hasn't bothered me in the shower in like six years....