Thursday, May 10, 2007

Waffles, Near Death Experiences and Rain

So I'm back home! Hurray! Of course, being home meant that half an hour after I laid my exhausted head on my pillow, my Little Man decided to wake up screaming and kept waking up every hour or so. So really? Not so much rested today.

But I'm still here. Because I'm giddy with stories that I need to share with someone. And since there's no one else to do it with, I'm choosing you Internet. You are my confident, the one I whisper sweet nothings to and smile about when my thoughts drift and return to you.

See how I sucked up to you there after blasting you for being all responsible and stuff?

Anyway, San Francisco was fun. Although, really, I could have traveled to Armpit, Alaska and I'm sure it would have been just as fun, because really? I didn't get to see anything. Seriously.

My hotel was attached to the event location. That meant that the only outside I saw was the drive from the airport and back to the airport. I walked a total of three blocks for dinner on Tuesday night. And that's all I saw of San Francisco.

Really, really sad.

So I did my favorite thing, and that is order room service. I know I've said this before, but how awesome is room service? Now, I would never get it on a personal trip. The prices are obscene. But oh when I have to get work done and I'm way too busy to walk down to a restarant, is there anything better than Room Service? Room Service makes me dream of being really, really rich and having a chef bring me breakfast to bed every morning while I watch Regis and Kelly talk about the party I attended with them last night.

And so at 7:45 a.m. on the dot, a nice woman wheeled in an entire table for me. With crisp white linens. And plates with silver domes on them. And a little vase with an orchid in it. And a little thing of syrup with Saran Wrap on it. And I sat on my bed and I ate in front of the TV. And really? I don't need Mother's Day on Sunday, because nothing could beat that.

But the craziest thing? Here's what I ordered:

- Belgian Waffle with fresh berries and syrup
- Side of Bacon
- Pot of tea with milk on the side

Total cost: 40 dollars.


I had a forty-freaking dollar breakfast people! All I need to do before I die is have one of those hundred-dollar burgers.

Can you imagine? Do people really buy forty dollar waffles with their own money?

Because when I make that breakfast at home, I'm pretty sure it costs me about two or three bucks tops to make.

But I do have to say, it was a damn tasty waffle, but only because I wasn't paying for it.

Of course, I had an inappropriate moment during the trip, where I told a story to the three execs I was traveling with that included the word dick.

In my defense, it was 11 p.m. which is 1 a.m. Dallas time. And I'd had a martini, some wine and was sipping on a mojito.

So the brain's appropriateness filter was a little porous.

The ride back to the airport yesterday was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. The four of us piled into the cab of a large Russian man who was wearing racing gloves. That should have been our first hint that something terrifying was about to happen. The squealing of the tires when he left the front of our hotel should have probably been our second hint to get the hell out.

But no, we're apparently either too polite or stupid.

The trip to the airport took about 7 minutes. I think it's approximately 20 miles between our hotel and the airport. And we were slowed by three red lights before getting to the highway.

Our cab driver did remain in the right lane of the highway, explaining to our one coworker who was unfortunately stuck with the front passenger seat that when you drive as slowly as he does, you don't drive in the left lane.

Of course. Only people driving 160 miles an hour should be in that lane.

Our cab driver also enjoyed changing lanes every two seconds, apparently feeling the need to contradict his statement of driving slowly and sticking to one lane. Every lane change was done with the determination of a pissed off bull, propelling me from my middle position to find myself on the lap of either coworker sitting next to me in the backseat. I'm pretty sure I also have whiplash from the braking on a dime that happened whenever we were less than one millimeter away from the car in front of us.

Luckily, Russian techno music was blaring at top volume, so I was able to focus on the beat and close my eyes and pretend that I was some hot russian model in some really hip Moscow club. And that the screams surrounding me were not those of terrified coworkers, but of drunk people having a good time.

After surviving that cab ride, I figured that I was unstoppable. But I'm not. Because the Dallas/Fort Worth airport is unable to deal with any type of moisture, and because it apparently drizzled sometime in the early evening, our flight was unable to land, due to a backlog of take offs and landings.

This is peculiar to me, as when I was a flight attendant in Toronto, I've flown in snowstorms that have buried homes, hurricanes, you name it. But I guess all that polar bear wrestling we do just makes us tougher than the Texans.




Emma in Canada said...

$40!!!! Are you joking? That is crazy. ANd apparenly I really need a good job so I can go away and eat $40 breakfasts on someone else's dime.

Did you also live in an igloo when you lived in Canada? It makes that polar bear wrestling just that more convenient! And do people really ask you that? Do you ever ever have to that whole "My name is Joe...and I am Canadian" speil? I often wonder.

Julie said...

Room service rocks. Did the waffle come with magic berries or something? Only business travelers with expense accounts can afford $40 waffles I think. Even Donald Trump probably wouldn't spend his own money on that!

jesse said...

Holy crap a $40 breakfast-that's insane! But hey if I wasn't paying I would have gotten it too.

That Chick Over There said...

The waffles were laced Gold?

Rachel said...

I believe I would have eaten that $40 breakfast very very slowly!

Love the story about the cab ride!!

Kellie said...

I love me some room service. However, it's always on MY dime. During a trip to the Bahamas, I ordered breakfast for our last morning there. Enjoyed a fantastic meal and the view for the last morning. The bill? $98. NINETY-EIGHT DOLLARS!! What??!!

Glad you survived the cab ride. Cab drivers make me nervous....horribly so.

M said...

That must've been some fabulous hotel to have $40 freaking waffles!

And your Russian techno hell was terrifying. But I laughed. A lot. Because I'm evil.

At least you used the word dick inappropriately to execs. Everyone should do that once in a while. While tispy I once told the OWNER that he and my boss should date one another.

They're both married men.

And this concludes why you don't drink around important people if you have a tendency to think outrageous things that are only funny to yourself. And the internet.

I'm glad you're home but sad you didn't get to enjoy the city of SF itself because it's fun!

Elle said...

That's a nice breakie but $40??? Seriously? I hope those were some darn good waffles!