Monday, May 14, 2007

There Were Also Big Rocks Involved

On Saturday, I used the gift certificate Sweetie Pie gave me for Mother's Day 2006 for a spa near our house, exactly one day before it was scheduled to expire. When I made the appointment, I was told my masseuse would be a man, which is actually fine by me, because I've heard many times that men don't like to be massaged by men and women feel like it's weird and sexual, which leaves men masseuses with no one to massage. And I'm all about helping the underdog. Even though I do still go to a woman OB GYN, but that's because I believe that someone should have the same plumbing to really understand how bad a pap smear is.

I got a hot stone massage, which I had no idea what to expect, except that I figured there would be stones, heat and massaging involved. And I have to say, it was fantastic, although always-on-edge little me always finds that the experience was really wasted on me and leaves me feeling guilty that I stole the opportunity from someone who would actually know how to relax.

Either way, I was a little relaxed when I walked out of the spa, so much so, that I left with the plastic goblet filled with water that they gave me, thinking that it was disposable. Which it wasn't. Which makes me a spa plastic glass thief. Please don't turn me in, I'm pretty sure I can be arrested for petty theft, even if it's acciedental petty theft. I also stole a receiving blanket from the hospital where little man was born, but honestly, I was so sleep deprived and achy, they should consider themselves lucky I didn't accidentally steal the bassinette.

Anyway, when I got home, Sweetie Pie asked me all about the massage.

"It was great! I had a male masseuse named Jared.

- A man rubbed your body? Did he touch your boobs.

- No, they don't massage there. Besides, he was kind of nerdy, and I think he might have been gay.

- You didn't find it weird?

- No, I really didn't. (pause) Although, at the end, he did ask me if I wanted a happy ending.

- WHAT?!?

- Yeah, but I told him 'no thanks, I'm sure my husband will give me one later tonight.'

- They actually do that? They actually offer happy endings?!?"

Apparently, people can't tell I'm kidding when I'm speaking of random offers of sexual favors. Must learn to use this power for good, not evil.




Kellie said...

Funny girl...I'd have given the same answer had Jimmy asked the same questions....I'm fun like that :)

Beccy said...

Ha, ha, that is so funny...I would never be that quick!

Rachel said...

LMAO! Too damn funny!

Julie said...

Damn! You may have just blown your chance at another spa gift certificate!

So how hot were the rocks? And do they rub you with the rocks? Or do they just put hot rocks on you? I don't get it.

Emma in Canada said...

I just couldn't go to a man. Or a woman for that matter. Which is why my body will happily continue aching.

I stole a clean soakeer pad from the hospital. Good for that 5 weeks of bleeding you know.

MamaLee said...


I would've said the same thing!

I dated/lived with a massage therapist. Didn't get many rubs, unfortunately. I'm glad you had a relaxing visit.

Now about this clepto thing...


JoeinVegas said...

And you didn't ask for the happy ending yourself? With hot rocks?

jesse said...

Ooo I've had one of those and it was awesome. As for the "happy ending" good one, David probably wouldn't have seen the humor in it at first either. :)