Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I Wonder If They'll Ship My Heart Back to Me If I Do Leave It

Before I begin my real post, I need to scold you, Internet. Because, really? You're not any fun. Yesterday, I asked you to be my bad side and root for me to get pregnant. And what do you do? You get all good on me and tell me that I should be all grown up and wait for the doctor's advice. So I only have one nasty thing to say to you, Internet, and then I'll move on. And that one thing is, when did you turn into my mother?

Plus, I'll have you know that it really doesn't matter what you think, because even if you put a gun to my head and demanded I get pregnant, I can't this month. Because the joke's on you Internet (well, actually, the joke is kind of on me, but that doesn't suit my scolding, so we'll just stick with you), because I'm off to San Francisco today, come back late tomorrow night, and then Sweetie Pie leaves to go hunting on Thursday and won't be back until Saturday, which means that more than likely, my ovulation window will have come and gone during those four days.

So there.

And yeah, I know that you're all right and stuff. But I'm not going to admit that ok? So now quit nagging me.

At least now I know that if I want to ask someone if I should go jump off a bridge wearing nothing but a tea towel around my neck, I totally should ask you.

Because apparently, I'm not on the fun Internet. Which freaking figures.

You guys know I'm kidding right? You know that I love you, right?

Anyway, I'm off to San Francisco today. The land of rice-a-roni.

And hills. Something that Dallas doesn't have.

And Alcatraz, where Paris Hilton is going to spend 45 days which fills my heart with such glee, that I'm reminded that I am quite the bitch.

Because she claims that her publicist told her that even though her driver's license was suspended, she could keep driving to work.

OK, I don't even know where to begin with this... First off. Paris? Work? What work? Does clubbing count as a job? Because I totally didn't get paid in my early 20's for clubbing. And I could totally use some cute new shoes, which I could buy with that clubbing money owed to me. In fact, I'm such an idiot, I think I actually paid to go clubbing. I guess I'm that sucker born every minute.

Then, if you're a gazillionaire, why are you driving yourself to clubs. Can't you just get a limo or have your personal assistant drive you so that you don't have to worry about alcohol blood levels?

And then you get two more warnings that your driver's license is suspended and you shouldn't drive, the last one of which you sign and you still claim you didn't know you were supposed to drive? And then you say you're treated unfairly?

I mean seriously.

But back to San Francisco. I'm going there for one whole day. Flying out today and back tomorrow night. Because that's how I roll. I'm very important. Very, very important. And I have to do stuff and then I don't have time for touristy things like Fisherman's Wharf and the gay village. No sir-ree. Not me, important business person lady.

I get fed while I'm there. Do you know how giddy that still makes me? You'd think that after 10 years of being in the working world and going on business trips, the thrill would be gone. But free food? That I don't pay for? And that doesn't consist of fast food? Still makes me happy.

I'm a simple, simple gal, what can I say.

Love,

Catwoman.

13 comments:

Emma in Canada said...

I feel its important to point out that I did tell you to go ahead and get yourself knocked up. Cause I'm always one to put desire ahead of health.

Anyway, everyone else was much more reasonable.

Enjoy the trip.

Catwoman said...

I totally did notice that Emma, and I apologize for not calling you out for doing so. Obviously, from now on, I just need to ask only you for your opinion by email.

Julie said...

Help, I've turned into my mother, apparently! : )

If you want to jump off a bridge in nothing but a tea towel be my guest. But don't forget your sunscreen - hahaha.

Love, Mom

Beccy said...

It's because we care!!!

If you bump into my big sis in SF say hello.

That Chick Over There said...

Hey, I was on your side!

M said...

I just wanna go on your business trip and get free food. And we can discuss Paris the idiot and Lindsey the coke addict. It'll make you forget all about the big bad internet people who want you to be alive dammit! (or at least get the okay you'll live before taking the gamble)

Can we order cheesecake?

Kellie said...

Seriously? Bring me to SF with you!! Free food?? Paris bashing? I'm SO there :)

On a real serious note: Sorry for sounding like your mother. But, I don't want you to die or anything...

Have a safe trip...talk to us all soon!!

beebop said...

have a fun trip! too bad about gay-ville...

alissa said...

I'm new & haven't backtracked (yet) to find out why you're supposed to wait to get pregnant again. So... GO FOR IT!

(But I reserve the right to change my opinion once I find out more information..)

But on to Paris... Can you believe she's going to ask Gov. Arnold for a pardon???!!! Besides, that chick that on "Lost" got sentenced to 60 days in the same jail, also for a DUI, and only had to serve FOUR HOURS due to overcrowding...

As for business trips... My husband is a "business man" who is also always on trips and eating out and what not. I'm the one at home, writing up his expense reports and absolutely salavating over his fancy pants restaurant receipts. And he has the balls to always inform me how he WAS WORKING. Uh-huh. But the food still sounds mighty tasty...

jesse said...

Have a fun trip and enjoy all the free food. And I'm so with you on the Paris bashing-that girl is an idiot. And I'm still waiting on my paycheck from my clubbing days.

Carla said...

I'm totally with you on all that Paris stuff. Give me a break...she knows. Either that or she's much dumber than any of us thought. Have a good trip.

Elle said...

LOL we only nag cause we love you!

Rachel said...

See, but deep down, you know that we were right! You can go jump off a bridge if you wanna, though!