Monday, May 21, 2007

Confessions of a Mean Sleeper

So I like to think that I'm a fairly good person. I mean sure, I take find great joy when people I dislike have bad things happen to them, like Paris going to jail makes me so happy, I couldn't imagine feeling any happier, unless Little Man went on to be a really cool white rapper who didn't say horrible things about his mama or about beating up women and he offered to buy me a pony with his money.

Because at heart, I still want a pony more than anything.

But Sweetie Pie ruined any chance I had this weekend of my being crowned the new Mother Teresa. I mean, sure there's the fact that I don't take care of dirt poor Indian orphans. And that would probably be held against me by those judgemental people in Vatican City. Otherwise, I'm sure I would have been a shoo in.

Except that apparently? I've turned into a mean sleeper.

Or so Sweetie Pie claims.

Apparently, when I'm deep in sleep, I do very mean things. Like for example, if Sweetie Pie scoots over to my pillow, I will get myself up, rip the pillow out from under his head and move to the far end of the bed with my back turned to him.

Mama doesn't share no pillow with no one, damn it.

I've also apparently shoved him when he's tried to snuggle with me. Once again, Mama likes her space.

I find it highly horrifying that I behave this way when I'm in very deep sleep. I mean what else do I do then? Kick puppies? Laugh at very old ladies when they fall down?

Love,

Catwoman.

8 comments:

Kellie said...

Seriously....are you and I related??!! Jimmy's told me MANY times that I'm a mean sleeper. I, so he claims, was so NOT happy with his attempts to share my space the other night, that I not only moved far away, I called him a not so nice name. :)

Julie said...

I was very confused - I misread your title as confessions of a
MAN sleeper. Mean makes more sense. I totally will rip the pillow out from under my husband at night - just to get him to stop snoring.

random_mommy said...

I heard you hate kittens.

jesse said...

I've been known to do some of the same exact things.

Rachel said...

I am constantly pushing Chris away when I'm sleeping. I mean, come on, seriously, do you have to sleep right next to me? We have a big bed, please take advantage of that.

random-mommy almost made me pee my pants!

Emma in Canada said...

I won't even get into what happened in our bed last night, it isn't even postable. But let me just say that I would prefer to be a mean sleeper.

That Chick Over There said...

My husband is a very nice person. Until he is asleep.

Beccy said...

I'm so a mean sleeper...come near my pillow at your peril!