Monday, April 23, 2007

Weekend Recap

So let's start this recap with something tame, shall we? Because it's Monday morning and all, and well, I feel like I shouldn't start off with the tawdry stuff, because right now, you're probably thinking to yourself that it's Monday, and life sucks on Mondays, and you the last thing you want to read about is somebody's uhm... issues.

So we'll start with a Little Man story. Something that would barely be rated PG in the theater.

One of Little Man's reports from daycare stated that he really enjoys plaing "Ring Around the Rosie" with his buddies. Because that's what all the cool kids do nowadays, don't you know.

So we spent a good amount of the weekend singing Ring Around the Rosie, which consists of Little Man twirling around in circles by himself while pumping his fists in the air. It's the kind of moves that will surely earn Little Man a spot on Dancing With the Stars someday.

And because Little Man loves to sing along, to keep his vocal chords in shape for his future American Idol auditions.

And this is what Ring Around the Rosie Sounds like from a 19 month old's mouth:

'Ing a oun a osie
anana nana a osie

Say what?

I make him sing it again. With the same result.

I must capture on video the toddler twirling in circles, fists pumping, singing about asses as loudly as he can. I just might have given birth to the next Eminem here.

The second story does not involve Little Man. I mean, he was there, but he was asleep, napping in his crib, far far away from the horror that is me.

So, uhm. I've been trying to figure out how to put this delicately, because, as honest as Random Mommy claims I am, my balls are about 10 sizes smaller than hers.

So, uhm, cough, cough.

Let's just start by saying that Sweetie Pie was gone to lunch with a friend. And I got this email from a Web site that sells, uhm... Adult things.

And they were having a sale. And so I decided to browse their selection.

And this put me in the mood. And well, there was no one around...

So I pulled out a battery operated toy, the kind that should be kept out of the hands of children at all cost. And the kind that somebody needs to get rid of in my house the day I die so that my mother-in-law and mother don't find my stash.

Anyway, long story short, buzz buzz. Fast forward to a few minutes later and joy! And then extreme pain.

Really, really horrible pain.

I pulled a freaking muscle. An abdominal muscle, to be exact.

How out of shape do you need to be to pull a muscle during an orgasm?????

I've been cringing ever since when I have to get up, go upstairs or do just about anything normal humans do.




random_mommy said...

I'm telling all my friends about this one!!! Who pulls a muscle during self-love??!?! I'm starting to believe you when you say you're clumsy..

Oh, and... that must have been one hell of an orgasm!

Julie said...

Ok, my balls are like 1 million times smaller than yours! That is classic. I hope the pleasure was worth the pain!

And asses asses - hysterical.

Rachel said...

LMFAO!!!!!!!! Thank you, thank you sooooo much for sharing this story. It is priceless!

That Chick Over There said...

Good. Lord. Woman.

Kellie said...

Holy CRAP!! That is entirely too damn funny!! SO what I needed on a Monday!!

Pulled a freakin' muscle??!! KILLING ME!!

Emma in Canada said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I don't mean to laugh at you but seriously? Seriously. Did you tell sweetie pie?

And does Little Man know the second verse? That's thepart my kids have the most fun with.

Beccy said...

Tonic to my ears catwoman.

Your toys should come with a government health warning or maybe it was the earth moving!

Alyssa said...

That is way funny! Love it! There are very few people in the world who would admit that. I totally would if my dad didn't read my blog

Elle said...

LMAO for pete's sakes!!!!

M said...

Oh you win. WHAT you win I'm not sure but pulled muscle during self loving? Cod help us all!

And I *heart* your child. He and Liam could really get jiggy together. Though Liam hasn't mastered "asses" yet I know my fave "F" word is just waiting to slip out in song! (I will pay big bucks to see that on vid, btw. Big imaginary bucks but whatever!)